


Iron Caste

by kpopforlife (aqua_moon)



Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, Het, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-07-30 10:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 66,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20095897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqua_moon/pseuds/kpopforlife
Summary: Jinki is but a stable boy.Gwiboon, a noble in search of an advantageous marriage.Their paths should have never crossed and yet... meeting will change both of their lives forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of these chapters were betaed by taeontae  
If you're interested, you can find me on tumblr as well - bpash89.tumblr.com
> 
> Will be updated on Wednesdays and Saturdays

It was a typical day, the sun hung high and bright, encouraging a song out of the birds. The outside sounds were lost in the high rafters of the stables, drowned out by the stomps and neighs of the inhabitants. Jinki’s palm made a slow, soothing path down the horse’s leg, making the large animal aware of his presence as he bent down to lift her foot. Jinki took his time, enjoying the process, the routine of preparing a horse before a ride. He took in the distinct scent that could only be described as a stable - horses and hay and sweat and manure. It wasn’t necessarily a pleasant smell, but it was familiar and comfortable. It made him feel grounded. Jinki always felt a sense of calm around the horses. While people could be difficult to deal with, animals were constant. 

Nari, the mare before him, was one of Jinki’s favorites. She was a beautiful creature, a light dapple gray that flowed into a silky, stark white mane and tail. She had been the queen’s horse in her younger years but due to her age, the mare was retired a few years prior. She was a gentle creature though so Jinki still opted to keep her in fit condition. The young prince was almost old enough to ride by himself and she was the best animal to tolerate the rough hands of a child. 

He had planned to give her a thorough check before saddling her up for a ride. Part of his job at the stables involved exercising the animals on a regular basis. The nobles were adamant about their horses being in the best condition possible, even if they only rode the poor creatures once in a blue moon. However, before Jinki could finish his pre-ride routine he was pulled out of his serene mindset by a high, feminine shriek coming from a neighboring barn. He dropped the horse’s foot, straightening up to listen better as he strained his ears to hear any more voices. When he heard that same tone once again he rushed to the next barn, eyes widening at the sight unfolding before him. 

The newest stable hand, Taemin, was standing, head bowed in shame as a noble woman continued to scream, her eyes ablaze and her face red with anger. She was dressed in a plain brown and white riding dress, her lace up leather boots looked well worn but pristine. Despite the simplicity of her outfit, she could still never be mistaken for anything short of noble blood. The linen too thick and the leather far too fine for a mere commoner. More than the clothes, her very presence exuded status. Her being effortlessly commanded attention and respect. A demeanor that was only cultivated through a lifetime of wealth. 

Jinki quickly scurried over, catching her attention and immediately bowing, “M’lady, whatever is the matter?”

“Who are you? Are you in charge of this little vermin?” she spat, cheeks flushed and her hair spilling from its confines into a mess of curls around her face. 

“Ay, m’lady, the boy has only been at the stables but a few days, if he has made a mistake let me apologize,” Jinki tried to choose his words with care and bowing once again for good measure. 

“Apologize? This filth just tried to put me on a beast without proper saddling! Is he daft? I would ask him myself but I fear he is too simple minded to understand my question,” she snapped back, seeming not to care for Jinki’s explanation.

Jinki’s face set into a hard line, veiling all emotion as he turned to the boy, “Taemin,” he hissed, motioning with his hand and the small boy threw himself on the ground in a deep bow, his apology slurred with how quickly he was talking. It was important for Jinki to take such an offense against a noble seriously, honest mistake or not. Working at the palace stables was an important job, one that couldn’t be taken lightly. While Taemin was new and young, he needed to learn and learn quickly if he was going to survive.

The noble woman turned her nose up with a huff at the gesture as if the sight of the groveling child only adding insult to injury.

“Taemin, on your knees, arms up,” Jinki commanded, both watching the thin boy assume the punishment position before paying him no more attention. Jinki turned back to this disgruntled woman before him, “My apologies, m’lady. He is my responsibility so the blame is mine. I will have to train him better.”

“Of course you had! I should have him flogged for such an offense,” she remarked, annoyance still apparent in her tone as well as her words. 

“I beg of you m’lady, he is just a mere boy, I shall deal with him personally. You have my word, it will not happen again,” Jinki tried again, bowing low to further show his remorse.

She didn’t bother to respond to his words, only making a flippant gesture in the direction of the horse. Jinki jumped up, going to work correcting Taemin’s mistakes and getting the horse ready for a rider. His nimble fingers worked with ease to fix the small straps and making the thick band that went around the animal’s belly as tight as possible. He was aware of the noble woman’s hawk-like eyes on him, waiting for a slip up so she could pounce, but he ignored it, working off of muscle memory until the horse was fit to be ridden. 

“May I lead him to the mounting block for you, m’lady?” She nodded, her face starting to lose some of that hardened edge due to Jinki’s polite words and obvious competence around horses.

“What is your name, boy?” she questioned. 

“My name is Jinki, m’lady. Lee Jinki,” he responded as polite as possible, holding back any emotion or sign of annoyance. Noble or not, she was but a child herself and the fact that she was calling him boy was as comical as it was insulting. However, Jinki had learned long ago not to let such things get under his skin. She was a noble and he, a commoner. She could talk to him however she pleased. That was simply how life worked. 

“Alright. Jinki, I don’t want that incompetent fool to touch my horse again. I trust you will ensure this won’t be a problem?” she asked, leaving no room for discussion.

“Of course, m’lady,” Jinki agreed. 

Without another glance she stepped onto the mounting block, settling into the saddle and urging the horse forward with an expertise and confidence that few women contained. Jinki stood for longer than he should have watching the curious woman canter down the well-beaten path with her head held high, hair fanning out behind her like a rippling wave in the wind. 

He snapped out of his daze as her image blurred with the distance, going back inside to find Taemin right where he left him. “She’s gone, you can get up,” Jinki informed him. Taemin sighed in relief, his arms falling limp at his sides. Jinki couldn’t hold back a small laugh at the boy. It had barely been ten minutes but he looked as if his arms would fall off from the rather minimal punishment. The stick of a boy was in for a tough time until his muscles developed. 

“I’m really sorry, hyung. I don’t know what happened,” Taemin said, his eyes still downcast. 

Jinki smiled affectionately at him, “Come here, I’ll show you,” Jinki responded, guiding the small boy as he made his way back to the mare he had been preparing prior to the disruption. “Horses are stubborn animals. They have a mind of their own and you have to learn to think like them in order to work with them. Now look, watch her response when I put the saddle on her back,” Jinki laid the soft pad atop her back followed by the leather saddle. 

Taemin studied Jinki’s every move but his face showed confusion rather than clarity since he had no idea what to look for. Jinki smiled, his hand ran along the animal’s belly, directing Taemin’s eyes downward.

“She’s holding her breath, see? Wearing a saddle is uncomfortable since it has to be cinched so tight, so many horses will hold their breath while you tighten it so it will be looser for them when they are breathing normally. This is why you always have to cinch it twice. Wait for her to exhale and then tighten the strap once more. Otherwise the saddle will be too loose when the rider tries to mount and it could be dangerous if they were to ride like that, especially in the case of a sidesaddle,” Jinki informed him, following his words with precise movements to demonstrate what he meant.

“Wow, I didn’t think about that,” Taemin muttered, his eyes diligent to follow along, taking in each of Jinki’s movements.

“I know. It’s all right. You are still learning but this is one of the many reasons why you shouldn’t be dealing with the nobles’ horses yet,” Jinki’s tone turned stern and authoritative as he fixed the young boy with a harsh glare. He was very strict when training new stable hands because this was the palace and careless mistakes could simply not be tolerated;there was too much at stake. Everyone from a noble to a knight to the king himself could walk into these stables at any moment and mistakes were not taken lightly by the upper class. Furthermore, there was no reason why Taemin should have been touching a noble’s horse. He was resigned to sweeping the aisles and mucking stalls until Jinki could train him on how to care for each animal. These rules were in place for a reason and Jinki took his work and his responsibilities seriously. 

“I know that! On my honor, hyung. I wouldn’t have touched the beast but I was the only one around and she was so short with me when I said I’d go fetch someone… I didn’t want to anger her further,” Taemin said, trailing off, regret painted his features. 

A fond smile pulled at Jinki’s lips, ruffling Taemin’s hair with affection. “Well don’t worry about it too much. I doubt she will remember your face after tomorrow, and even if she does, I’m sure she will let you find someone else to do the job next time,” Jinki assured him, relieved that the situation played out as painless as it did. Some nobles could be quite severe in their punishments towards servants, taking every infraction as a challenge to their station and needing to prove their own importance as well as the divide between the classes. While the noble woman had been harsh with her words, she had allowed the situation to end without demanding recourse and for that, Jinki was thankful.

“Thanks, hyung,” Taemin responded, sincerity lacing his words.

“So, back to the horses!” Jinki said brightly, going on to explain to the boy the proper way to saddle a horse, taking care to detail the process and reasoning. There were many more steps involved when dealing with nobles’ horses and unfortunately, it was vital that he remember them all. 

When he was finished he sent Taemin back to the stalls the younger was assigned to clean while he led the mare outside. He lifted himself into the saddle with practiced ease and guided her to the open pasture he planned to use to put the animal through her paces. Nari was wonderfully trained since she was used for royalty in her younger days. It felt like such a shame to let her lose some of that training from mere lack of practice. He kept at it until they had both worked up a healthy sweat before taking her for a nice long stroll around the outer wall to cool down, enjoying the sight of the turning leaves that decorated their path. He knew he was wasting time, he still had three other horses to take out for exercise today after all, but he couldn’t help himself. It was the part of his job that he enjoyed the most so he allowed himself the small luxury.

Even after the years he had worked in the palace stables, it still amazed him how lucky he was. Never in his life would he have dreamed that he would be able to ride such a fine beast as this. The thought that he was sitting atop the same animal that carried Her Majesty was humbling for Jinki who had come from such a modest upbringing. It was more than he could ever ask for out of life and it gave him a sense of pride and satisfaction about his work. While being a stable hand was far from prestigious, it was honest work and he was glad to have a means to support himself and his family that he enjoyed and filled him with a sense of pride.

Jinki was enjoying his ride, the comfortable afternoon sun bright and high in the cloudless sky, warming his back and trying to chase away the stubborn, chilly breeze that was invading the country. The leather saddle was worn with age but it felt like a second home after the years he had spent in it. Nari pranced beneath him, her long legs itching to go faster than he would allow her. He rounded the corner of the far forest, just barely outside the palace walls when the sight of the gelding from this morning started him out of his thoughts. The noble woman’s horse was standing by a small brook, having a drinking while the woman herself was replacing the saddle from where it appeared to have sat on the ground. But why in heaven’s name had she taken it off? Jinki was positive the saddle would have remained in place since he had dealt with the animal himself. And for that matter, how did she even know how to saddle a horse? Few of the noblemen could even do it correctly and most noblewomen could not even tell the difference between a horse and a mule. He was left with a muddled collection of thoughts. 

This was a rather secluded area where the palace walls butted up against the northern woods, which were used for nothing but game hunting. With the rising tension in the east, few nobles could find the time to go on such trivial outings these days. He was left pondering as he watched her set her dainty foot atop a protruding rock, springing into the saddle with ease and turn towards the stables.

He slowly guided his own animal down the same path, far enough behind her that she wouldn’t notice his presence as his mind brought up question after question about this strange noble.

~~~

The sun was setting when Jinki finally got back, leaving the sky a portrait of blood-orange with tendrils of yellow and purple over the trees. It was the kind of scenery he wished he could paint, but nothing in his collection of colors could ever replicate such beauty. However, Jinki had little time to enjoy it since he was busy finishing up with the last horse for the day before he could go appease his stomach with a bite of food. 

“Taemin, hurry up!” Jinki shouted, latching the stall and carrying the saddle back to the tack room as he waited for the young boy to show up. Just as he expected, a tuft of black hair came bobbing towards him, his breath labored from running.

“Hyung! I’m so glad I finally found you!” Taemin exclaimed.

“What is it Taemin-ah?” Jinki asked.

“It’s about her!” Taemin said as if such a meager explanation would be sufficient. Jinki blinked at him, waiting for the younger to explain so he could understand. “The noble woman,” He clarified. “When she got back from her ride today she requested you come and deal with her mount but you weren’t here and she got upset. Yelling loud enough to rouse the dead, she was. Joonha hyung was trying to help her and she wouldn’t have anything to do with it. After a while she just stormed off, angry as a bear and one of the stable hands was able to put the horse away once she left,” Taemin filled him in with a rush. 

“She did all this because she wanted me to un-tack to her mount?” Jinki asked, perplexed.

“Seems so,” Taemin answered with a shrug.

Jinki sighed, cursing his luck that some temperamental noble woman seemed to have caught him within her sights. He had enough things to worry about, enough work that needed to be done, and he just really didn’t have time for this. “I see. Well, nothing to be done about it now. Are you finished with all stalls?” Jinki questioned as he went about cleaning all the equipment he used, wiping down the leather with an oiled cloth and washing off the metal bit before returning everything to its proper place.

“Yes, hyung. Everything is done,” Taemin proclaimed, his chest puffed up with pride. Jinki couldn’t help but smile. Taemin was a good kid and a hard worker. He was young and inexperienced, but he was trying his best and desperate for Jinki’s approval. 

“Good, let’s go eat. I’m starving,” Jinki responded, wrapping an arm around the small boys shoulders and guiding him out of the stable and into the chilled night air.

A comfortable silence settled over them as they walked up the slight incline, the huge palace looming before them, casting eerie moonlit shadows across their path. Jinki led them to the servant’s entrance on the side of the castle, the thick oak door opened with an aged creak to reveal and wide corridor, candles flickered merrily to line the stone walls and light their path. Jinki weaved through the maze of hallways, greeting each person he met with a kind smile or familiar greeting until they reached their destination, the bustling kitchen.

“Jinki! I was wondering when you would come! Come here darling, sit; sit. I made beef stew today and I know one of these girls made sure to save a few slabs of bread for you. Oh? And who is this little scrap of thing you’ve got on your heel?” the head cook, Madame Kim, chattered at him as he walked in the door. Jinki’s face melted into a fond smile at the woman, waiting for her to finish her musing. She could talk for the both of them after all.

Madame Kim was rather intimidating to most. She was a large, no-nonsense type woman. She always had an opinion and didn’t feel shy about sharing it. However, for Jinki she was like a surrogate mother. She had been the first person Jinki met when he moved to the city at the tender age of four and ten. It had been by chance that he had bumped into her when she was doing the daily shopping in the market, but somehow, despite their short encounter, he had made an impression on her. She claimed it was because he looked like a lost lamb but Jinki suspected that his obvious country drawl and ingrained mannerisms softened her heart. Whatever the reason, she took him under her wing, mothered the life out of him and got him set up with a cot in the servants quarters of the palace since he had nowhere to go before eventually helped him secure a job within the palace. She took care of him and had treated him like her own from the very start. Jinki honestly didn’t know what would have happened to him if she hadn’t been so kind. 

Taemin looked a little bit stunned, there was so much activity, too many people to count scurried around the room, too many sights, sounds and smells for him to take in all at once and then there was Madame Kim as she turned her hawk-like eyes onto him.

“This is Taemin, our newest stable hand. Taemin, this is Madame Kim, the head cook. Stay on her good side and you will never go hungry or want for anything while you are here,” Jinki said, sparing Taemin from actually having to speak. 

“Oh poppycock. I make sure to feed everyone, even the ones I dislike. Lord knows you haven’t gone without a decent meal since I dragged you off the streets,” came Madam Kim’s flippant reply.

“Yes, she saves the heel of bread and burnt bits of meat for them,” Jinki teased.

“How dare you suggest my food is ever burnt!” Madame Kim shot back, smacking him lightly upside the head. Jinki chuckled in response, her lips twitching as she held back a smile of her own. “Now sit down, both of you. You must be hungry and I want to hear all about this little sweet pea; he needs some fattening up anyway,” She waved them over to one of the tables where a few of the kitchen helpers sat, snapping beans and gossiping amongst themselves. Madame Kim sat them down, producing two large bowls of steaming stew before them and a plate of fresh baked bread as well. Jinki began to dig in with earnest, ever since they had entered the kitchens his stomach had been making pained whines at the delicious smells circulating the room.

“So Taemin dear, how is this big oaf treating you?”

Taemin smiled at Jinki’s eye roll, “Jinki hyung treats me fine, ma’am.”

“Don’t lie to me just because he’s sitting here. If he’s being too harsh with you then just tell me, Madame Kim has ways of making him suffer,” The woman informed him, making Taemin giggle.

“Why would I abuse the kid?” Jinki protested.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Madame Kim scolded, ignoring his words entirely.

“Jinki hyung is very kind and he is patient with me. The only problem I had today was with that noble lady,” Taemin told her with a shy smile.

“Noble lady?”

“Ay, a new one it seems. I didn’t recognize her. She gave this one here a spot of trouble,” Jinki filled in.

“Well? What happened?”

“I saddled her horse wrong and she started yelling at me,” Taemin said, eyes downtrodden.

“She wouldn’t allow him to go find someone who had been working here for longer than a minute to do the job but then got angered with him for making a mistake,” Jinki muttered.

“She’s new you say?”

“Seemed so. Do you know of her?” Jinki asked, trying not to sound too eager but he was more than a little curious and Madame Kim had a reputation for knowing everything that went on within the city walls.

“What does she look like?”

“She has dark, curly locks and a small face. She was a bit… odd? She was going riding by herself after all,” Jinki supplied, his mind painting a picture of her sharp features, her delicate hands as she took the reins from him and her cold attitude of superiority. Something about the woman stirred him. He wanted to capture the fiery passion from her eyes inside of a painting. Jinki usually favored nature for his paintings, the wind through the trees and the beauty and simplicity of animals. It was rare he saw a person who acted as a muse for him. It was confusing and intriguing. 

“I’ve heard whispers of a new one around these parts. Name is Gwiboon, Kim Gwiboon. Husband hunting that one. Heard she comes from old money but her father squandered near all of it with gambling debts. They want to get her married off quick before he sullies the family name too badly. By the looks of it, they are trying to marry her high in hopes of saving some scraps of pride. I heard she’s living with relatives here in the city. I tell ya, she’s gonna get into trouble with a face like that. She’s said to have a nasty temper though. Face of an angel; soul darker than the devil himself,” Madame Kim supplied with ease, living up to her title as the palace know-all. When every maid and squire made it through her wing of the castle it was inevitable that she would be supplied with every bit of information that slipped passed a noble’s lips. There were no secrets within the palace walls. Jinki had always been convinced that Madame Kim would be the first to know if war ever broke out.

“Shame,” Jinki muttered but kept his thoughts to himself. It was easy to envy the life of nobles. They wanted for nothing. Food, clothing, shelter and comfort was all an understood in their lives. What commoners worked their whole lives to maintain, the noble class took for granted. Instead, their lives centered around parties and status symbols. Jinki sometimes forgot that nobles were also people with the same emotions as he. It must be hard for her, living away from her family and in essence being sold off to the highest bidder all while trying to keep her pride intact.

“Ay,” Madame Kim agreed.

“Why would she have to move to the city just to get married?” Taemin asked, curiosity piqued. Jinki smiled at the young boy. He was too innocent for his own good sometimes.

“That is the way of the nobles, my dear.” Madame Kim explained. “Marry high and marry rich. She’s gotta use her face to lure some lonesome, rich bachelor into courting her and saving her from a lifetime of shame. All the best money is right here, around the castle. I give her a fortnight before some pathetic bloke is following on her heel. The harvest festival is coming up so there will be plenty of opportunities for her to mingle with the man-folk and snag some unsuspecting fellow.” Jinki nodding in agreement. If she is only at the palace to find a suitor then it wouldn’t take her long. She was far too beautiful to be alone.


	2. Chapter 2

After the evening chores were done, Jinki bid Taemin a good night and went to saddle his own horse, a tan gelding named Sangchu. The horse was his pride and joy. Jinki had gotten Sangchu when he was little more than a colt and spent the better part of a year training the animal on the palace grounds during the early morning before his chores started. He had worked with patience until the beast not only accepted a rider, but also was as gentle as one of the barn cats that the milkmaids loved to dote on. 

Sangchu was nothing special in terms of breed or pedigree, but he was smart as a whip and as loyal as any dumb beast could be. He was Jinki’s everything here in the city and Jinki looked forward to the day he could take Sangchu home with him. Fantasies of taking his siblings for rides across the meadow danced through his head as he prepared to ride back to his lonesome abode.

Despite the loneliness, Jinki was quite fond of his home here in the city. It was just a humble cottage by the river, but it was quaint and Jinki felt relieved to get away from the constant tittering of palace life. In his younger days he had lived in the servants’ quarters and had found it exhausting to be around so many people all the time. He enjoyed his solitude and space but he couldn’t deny that he missed living with his family. He missed waking up to the sound of children’s laughter and the smell of breakfast wafting past his nose as well as the simple pleasure of coming home to a house already alight with fire and a welcoming smile. More than anything, he missed the comfort and warmth that came from knowing a loved one was waiting for him, worrying for him. The palace had all the noise and none of the warmth. It had always felt rather stifling. 

Jinki had been pestering his mother for years to move to the city with him. He couldn’t move back as he knew it would be impossible to make enough money in their small village to support his family, but his mother refused to even consider leaving until the youngest of his siblings were out on their own. She hinted none too gently that Jinki himself should try settling down with a wife. He was well into marriageable age and, according to his mother, flirting with perpetual bachelorhood. However, it wasn’t a thought Jinki gave much time too. His focus was on supporting his family back home. He didn’t have the shillings to spare to take on a wife or family for himself. However, after his family was settled into their own lives, he quite liked the idea of finding someone to share his bed. He had always fancied the idea of marriage. It sounded nice, having someone to come home to every night, a hot meal waiting for him and some little ones to remind him of his younger days. He didn’t expect much really, just someone sweet and gentle to spend his years with.

It was easy enough for Jinki as he had yet to meet anyone in the city that struck his fancy. His countryside manners made him more conservative than many of his fellow palace workers. He could never ease his conscience long enough to join the men at the local taverns. He seldom drank and couldn’t lower himself to partake in the more questionable activities. His upbringing was far too honest for something like that. Consequently, he had few opportunities to meet eligible women and even fewer stable hands he could call friends.

More often than not Jinki found himself in the company of the older workers, family men not unlike himself whose gentle smiles told more of their lives than their worn hands and wrinkles ever could. None of them had the time or shillings to spend on such things when they had little ones to feed. While Jinki still kept up pleasant relations with the younger workers, he kept more to himself rather than trying to socialize. It was because of this that Jinki had found friendship with Joonha, the head stable hand. He was rather advanced in years, known for being stern but fair with the staff he was charged with commanding. Joonha had always had a reputation for always keeping to himself, never getting too close with any of the workers. Because of this, they were an unlikely pair. 

The elder had been patient and kind with Jinki when he first began, conscious of his weak muscles and determination to please due to utter desperation. He made sure that Jinki ate his meals and he even took the time to bandage the broken skin of Jinki's hands after the blisters from an honest days work began to crop up. They weren’t the most pleasant of memories but Jinki still looked back on those times with a fond smile and a light heart. His life then had been difficult but necessary. He was like a fragile sprout first peeking out of the ground; Joonha had provided the tender care and protection necessary to help him grow strong rather than getting trampled before his roots had a chance to set. He was forever grateful towards the older man and held a deep sense of respect for him. Their years of working together had developed into an easy relationship of mutual respect and understanding. 

~~~

The week that followed was full of activity for Jinki. One of the horses was due to foal soon and he was in charge of checking on her regularly and keeping Joonha on standby for when she dropped the baby. He was a bit worried for the mare as she seemed uncomfortable and he was afraid she might come down with colic and further complicate her pregnancy. On top of that, he had just started training a yearling on the lead. A fiery mare that was bred from the king’s stallion and he didn’t want to compromise her progress by disrupting her routine. 

She had all the makings for a fine warhorse however, as of yet, no one had managed to get a saddle on her back. Under normal circumstances Jinki wouldn’t have even been considered for such a task. The horse was far too fine and he far too low of station, but Joonha had suggested his name after the first few trainers had all but given up on the beast. Jinki was both proud and nervous that Joonha would think so well of him and he promised to try his best with the animal. Jinki liked to think he had a talent when it came to horses; he felt calm around them and had a way of easing even the most skittish of animals. So he started, like he always did, with the basics of getting familiar with the beast and letting her get comfortable in his presence. 

In only a few short weeks she went from kicking the stall door in agitation to greeting him with a happy nicker and a playful bump of her nose every time he walked by. Soon he was able to enter her stall without fear. He spent hours with her, whispering soothing words as he brushed her coat to a glossy shine and getting her used to being handled by human hands. He had progressed to taking her out daily into the practice field to work her on the lead and familiarize her with different commands. Many people looked at his methods with disdain, judging and criticizing the time and effort it took him to just now reach such an early stage of training. However, Jinki felt otherwise. It had taken him months to reach this point, but that in no way meant he had wasted time. Even after only a few days the mare had fared far better under his hand than any of the trainers before him because he hadn’t rushed the process. She was minding his commands without too much of a fuss and he had seen none of the aggression she had shown the other trainers. He had been right all along, she just needed patience and a gentle hand to build trust and help her settle down. She would be a fine horse someday, carrying a general into battle or, if they were lucky, wasting away her training eating hay in the stables due to an extended bout of peace. 

Jinki was in the middle of her exercises, focused on the task at hand when he heard Taemin’s voice calling out to him, bleeding into his mind and breaking his concentration. He yelled out a command for the mare to halt. He looked around to find the young boy running towards the pen, making the horse paw nervously in the dirt. She was still skittish around anyone but Jinki and Taemin’s pace and erratic waving of his arms only further startled her. 

“Hyung!”

“What is it Taemin?” Jinki asked, trying to veil his annoyance at being interrupted.

“Sorry to bother you, but that noble lady is back and she’s asking for you,” Taemin’s words tumbling like water out of his mouth as he gasped for breath. 

“What? Again?” Jinki questioned, brows knitted in confusion.

“I don’t know, hyung. She said you were the only one allowed to touch her horse,” Taemin responded with a shrug.

“Oh gods above,” Jinki cursed, ruffling his hair in frustration, “Okay, I’m on my way.”

Jinki cut his training session short, letting Taemin get a little ahead of him before bringing the animal out of the pen and leading her back towards the stables. He put the mare in her stall, planning to come back and wash her down properly later. First he had to take care of this temperamental noblewoman who was for some reason set on making his life difficult.

He tried to hide his agitation as he rounded the corner to find her tapping her foot in impatience. “Sorry to keep you waiting, m’lady,” his words polite but lacking in emotion. He was used to nobles being rude and demanded but Miss Gwiboon was taking it farther than most and Jinki had so much he had to get done.

“What could have possibly taken so long? I’ve been waiting near an hour! I told them to go find you and these imbeciles looked at me as if I was daft! What could possibly be so confusing? I know the education is lacking for a mere stable hand, but are they all dumb?” She snapped. 

“I’m sorry you were kept waiting, m’lady. However, I assure you, all the stable hands are more than capable of attending to your horse. It is not necessary to request me personally,” Jinki patience wearing thin as he strove to keep his words even and polite despite his emotions. 

“And I say it is. How embarrassing would it be to fall from my horse because some simple-minded stable boy doesn’t know how to cinch a saddle strap? For shame! I could never show my face again,” she shot back, showing no hint of acknowledgement that her waiting was her own fault.

Jinki bit back a smile at her dramatics, “Whatever you wish, m’lady.” He set to work preparing the horse. He gave the beast a quick once-over, running a light, gentle hand down each leg to check for any bumps or scrapes that might indicate an injury and picking up each foot in turn, checking the horses hooves for stones. When he was finished, he began to saddle the animal. He made quick work of the whole process but he mind was elsewhere. This set back, while minor, was still going to add onto his workload for the day.

“He’s ready, m’lady. Shall I lead him to the mounting block?” Jinki asked dutifully. 

“Of course,” came her sharp reply.

Jinki nodded, ignoring her tone and silently lead the horse around the corner, holding the animal steady so she could swing into the saddle, setting off without a word. He watched her ride off, hands steady and shoulders squared. He couldn’t help but smile despite his annoyance at her whole attitude. What kind of hot-blooded woman would raise such a ruckus over which stable hand prepared her horse for her? She was an odd one indeed. As she rode further away, Jinki snapped out of his thoughts, scurrying back to his yearling that needed attending to but he made sure to stay around the barns in order to be there when the noble woman came back from her ride. He didn’t want any more trouble with her today.

~~~

Jinki felt a bit proud to see a hint of a smile on her pretty face when she rode back up to the stables to find her desired stable hand ready and waiting to take her horse. That was, until he realized that her smile had nothing to do with himself and was in fact reserved for the man walking up behind him.

“Gwiboon my dear, what are you doing out all by your lonesome?” the man asked, a self-satisfied smirk on his handsome face.

“Lord Jonghyun,” she all but purred in response, her face alight with warmth, eyes sparkling, “I was just out enjoying this fair weather before the cold sets in.”

“All alone? You must tell me next time you fancy a ride, I would love to accompany you,” came Lord Jonghyun’s smooth reply.

Her giggle in response made Jinki’s skin prickle. The fakeness of their interaction was nauseating. He knew of Lord Jonghyun. A seemingly average noble who began rising up the gossip ladder in recent days. He was labeled a scoundrel, and Jinki had no trouble seeing why. Lord Jonghyun was handsome on a dangerous level. His clothes always pristine and fit his stocky frame well, hair a rich chocolate brown with large eyes in a matching shade. His strong features and personality seemed to form a deadly combination and it made him popular among the women who were unlucky enough to cross his path. 

Jinki had met many a maids in the palace who swooned at the man’s name alone. It seemed every week there was a different girl holding a handwritten poem or a lone rose as if it were as precious as water in the desert. It was inevitable that the same girl would be found huddled in the cellar wrecked with tears soon after. Lord Jonghyun was a collector of hearts and seemed to derive pleasure from shattering the emotions of vulnerable women. The man was bad news and Jinki didn’t often deal with negative emotions like hatred but that was the only way to adequately describe his feelings towards Lord Jonghyun. 

To Jinki, Lord Jonghyun was the epitome of everything bad in the world. Jinki was raised in a tight-knit family and being the eldest he was often in charge of taking care of the young ones. He was raised to have a strong sense of respect for everyone but above all, elders and women. Jinki couldn’t help but see a bit of his sisters in each of the women Lord Jonghyun would use and toss away so easily. When he saw the innocence vanish from their eyes he couldn’t help but think of his baby sister, Sojeong. She was only five years old when he left, now a young woman of six and ten but he hoped she still retained that innocent nature. Whenever he saw one of Jonghyun’s victims crying from their broken hearts and broken dreams built on empty promises he couldn’t help but think of his sister, Sojin. She was only a hair younger than himself and he remembered the first tears she shed over a boy. He also remembered his bruised knuckles after he dealt with said boy. 

He still felt that brotherly instinct inside himself every time he was in close proximity of Lord Jonghyun. However, he was no longer the hot-headed teenager and Lord Jonghyun was no street trash that he could teach a lesson with only a slap on the wrist as punishment. No, the harsh reality was that Lord Jonghyun could do as he pleased for the simple reason that his status dictated as such. It was the world they lived in and Jinki had learned to accept it many years ago. 

Jinki stood tall and stoic, holding the horse steady as Lord Jonghyun offered a hand to help Gwiboon dismount. Jinki bit back a scoff as she purposefully stumbled so that she fell right into his chest with an embarrassed giggled. On instinct, Jonghyun’s arm wrapped around her waist, keeping her in place to help steady her legs.

“My apologies,” She cooed, no remorse in her tone and a flirtatious quirk to her lips. Jonghyun’s arrogant, predatory sneer was hard to misconstrue.

Jinki was left alone, holding the horse as Lord Jonghyun lead a very willing Gwiboon down the long row of stalls, filling her heart and her ears with promises of a picnic along the river, just the two of them.

“Hyung?” Taemin called, startling Jinki.

“Oh, Taemin-ah,” Jinki responded, the young boy pulling him from deep within his own thoughts. 

“Who was that?” He asked, curious eyes following the pair.

“That is someone you should try your best to avoid,” Jinki muttered. Taemin raised his eyebrows in question. “Lord Kim Jonghyun. He has a reputation for being… less than chivalrous. Seems he has his eyes set on Miss Gwiboon. Nothing like the scent of fresh meat to rouse the wolves out of their cave,” Jinki muttered.

“Well, that’s what she wants, isn’t it? Some rich noble to fall for her?” Taemin questioned.

Jinki shrugged, “I don’t know. I try not to get involved with the affairs of nobles however, Lord Jonghyun isn’t someone to be trifled with. He’ll sooner slander her name beyond repair than make her Lady Kim. He’s not what she’s looking for, she just doesn’t know it yet,” Jinki responded. Taemin nodded in understanding. “Well, come on. Let’s get this horse cleaned up,” Jinki said, pulling himself out of his blackened thoughts and back to the task at hand. His only job was to take care of the horses after all, not naive noble women.


	3. Chapter 3

Jinki’s life slowly adapted to this new routine, taking care of the horses, fulfilling his expected duties and now becoming the personal stable hand of this stubborn noble woman. For the most part, it wasn’t too big of an inconvenience to appease her. It was frustrating that he had to drop everything just to go do such a mundane task as tacking a horse, something any free stable boy could do for her, but he was accommodating to her whims. As a result, her sour attitude dripped away little by little with each passing day, however, she was still far from friendly. She, like most nobles, kept an air of superiority about her, refusing to sink so low as to converse with a servant. Jinki was used to such treatment, knowing better than to expect anything different.

It was midmorning and Jinki had just sent Miss Gwiboon off on her way before going back to the horse he was preparing to take out for a bit of exercise himself. The autumn breeze was crisp and fresh and the mare beneath him pranced in excitement, pawing at the ground in impatience when he pulled her up to a stop. She was young and energetic and it made her a bit temperamental if he asked her to mind but a willing partner if he indulged her desire to run. He grinned mischievously to himself, leading her around the practice pasture and instead pointed her towards a simple dirt path that was overgrown from disuse. He let out the reins, giving her full motion of her head and a quick “Yah” and that was all it took to get the mare jumping forward, working herself up to a full gallop without additional encouragement. Jinki sunk his heels deep in the stirrups and crouched over the pommel. His grin spread wider, enjoying the wind in his hair and the powerful beast beneath him as she showed off her full potential. This was the feeling that Jinki loved, the thrill as the world blurred around him and his mind stilled. Every worry and care fell away leaving Jinki feeling so... present, so alive. it was the best feeling in the world. 

All too soon he started to ease her into a more manageable pace, shifting his weight back in the saddle as she slipped into an easy canter. He was nearing the end of the path, the beaten dirt tapering off into invisibility as the entrance to the forest loomed closer; the trees grew dense and the grass, tall and unruly. Jinki slowed the mare down to a walk, not wanting to chance the horse getting an injury due to the questionable terrain. The path was uneven because of the thick tree roots and the chance of snakes or pheasants in such high grass could spook even the most well-trained of horses.

However, it was not a snake or pheasant that brought Jinki to a started halt, it was the sight of stark white linen flung over a tree branch and blowing in the breeze. The contrast of clean white in the forest of earthy green and brown was enough to pull him up short. Was that…? No. It couldn’t be… women’s bloomers? His confusion was short lived however for he heard the faintest sound of a horse nickering and his eyes instinctively followed it.

They both became aware of the others’ presence at the same time, an ear piercing shriek invading his brain which was still trying to process what he was seeing.

Jinki’s jaw dropped, fear making his blood run cold. “M’lady I--”

“How dare you!” She shrieked, anger in her voice and fire in her eyes. 

“My apologizes, m’lady. I--”

“Turn away you swine! How dare you disgrace a lady so,” She hissed, plucking at her skirt in discomfort.

Jinki obediently turned his horse away, “I assure you; I saw nothing, m’lady. I didn’t know there was anyone out this far from the palace,” Jinki tried to explain, stumbling over his words in haste, his voice uneven and his heart racing. More than the shock or the confusion of the situation, Jinki felt terrified. He was alone in the forest with a half-dressed noble woman. There were few ways such a situation could be construed and all ending with his neck in a noose. 

She continued to mutter curses and vulgar language unfit for a lady of her station to even hear, let alone speak. “Hand me my bloomers,” She commanded.

“M’lady?” Jinki’s voice shot up an octave from surprise, startled by such an inappropriate request.

“I can’t very well reach them myself now can I?” She responded sarcasm dripping from her tongue. The offending garment hung from a branch much higher than she could reach from the ground.

Jinki sighed, leading his horse to the branch that held the dreaded undergarments. He picked them up using only the tips of his fingers, as if the innocent fabric would sear his flesh off if touched. His face burned with embarrassment, his free hand covering his eyes as he inched towards her. He could only see the ground enough to have an idea where he was going as he guided the horse with his knees. Jinki sighed in relief when the white linens were ripped from his grasp; the sound of clothes rusting assaulted his senses before a deafening silence settled over them. It was as if the whole forest was waiting with bated breath to see what would happen. 

“You can--” She trailed off.

Jinki lowered his hand, eyes meeting hers for the first time. He was surprised to see a vivid flush on her cheeks, embarrassment and shame evident despite how hard she tried to mask it with anger.

Jinki dismounted, his movements slow and deliberate as if she were a startled animal that would attack at any sudden movements. His whole body sank onto the soft dirt, bowing before her, “My apologies. I had no knowledge of anyone being here. I had no intentions of shaming m’lady,” Jinki tried again.

“A likely story. I should have you flogged for such an offense! For shame!”

“I--” Jinki started to respond but she cut him off. 

“Did you follow me here?”

“Of course not--” He tried again, his voice high and tight with terror but a ripple of anger coursing through him as well. He was innocent of any transgressions and yet here he was, face in the dirt, begging for mercy. Wasn’t she the one at fault, and not he? She was the one undressing herself in the woods! He was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

“How long were you standing there? What kind of dirty scoundrel follows a maiden into the woods?” Miss Gwiboon hissed at him.

“M’lady, I didn’t know you were here! Or exposing yourself to the trees!” Jinki cried, the words slipping past his lips before he could catch them behind his teeth. He froze on the spot, how could he have said that? He had worked at the palace for half his life and not once had he made such a gaffe as right now. His mouth agape as he met her eyes for a brief moment before hanging his head further in his own shame. He waited for her cutting words or inevitable threat to have him strung up on the town square for his transgressions. He was as good as dead now anyway, what is one more offense? 

However, instead of anger or accusations, he heard her let out a soft snort of laughter. “How dare you?” She asked again but her tone was far from threatening, rather she seemed amused that he would be brave enough to utter such a thing in her presence.

“M’lady, I apol--”

“Stop. I am under no obligation to explain myself or my actions to a stable boy. Get off the ground and stop groveling,” she commanded, folding her arms across her chest.

Jinki glanced up in surprise. Was that all she would say? No threats? No dragging him before the court? “M’lady?”

“Oh quit looking so terrified, boy. It would cause me more shame to explain your transgression enough to get you punished. I trust this incident will never be spoken of?” The slight quiver in her voice was the only flaw in her feigned calm.

“Of course, m’lady,” Jinki swore.

“Well then, I think it’s about time you got back to the stables. I expect you to be waiting when I return. You are the only stable hand allowed to handle my mount after all and I hate to be kept waiting by a mere servant,” She told him, trying to regain her composure, taking control of the situation and guiding them back to more familiar territory. 

Jinki smiled, tentative, in awe of his luck. “Yes, m’lady,” he responded, meeting her eyes, for the first time taking the opportunity to look at her, really look at her. She looked different out here away from the frills and pomp of palace life. Her hair was a bit messy from changing, a stubborn leaf stuck in her curls, and a healthy blush lingered on her cheeks from her embarrassment and the early autumn chill. 

What struck him the most however, was the warmth of her eyes. Vulnerability had temporarily replaced the icy demeanor he had grown accustomed to seeing. 

“Would you like me to saddle your mount before I go, m’lady?”

“Of course. It is your job, is it not?” Jinki’s lips quirked into a small smile, her words were harsh but he could pick out a playful note he'd never heard before that cut any bite they would have otherwise held. 

Jinki went to work putting the tack back onto her horse. He ignored the burning question of ‘why’ that plagued his mind, knowing better than to voice his thoughts and imbalance whatever precarious truce they’d fallen into. However, there was something else nagging in his mind, a more pressing issue now that his initial fear was starting to abate.

“M’lady, it’s not my place to say but I fear my conscience won’t allow me to leave without voicing my concerns.” He squared his shoulders, preparing himself to say his piece. “Riding out here alone isn’t proper for a woman of your station. I would offer to accompany you back to the palace myself but I fear that is unwise as well. Please, stay close to the palace walls from now on, for your own safety. Anyone could discover you out here and, in such a condition, I’m afraid few would be gentlemanly.”

The smile he received in return was warm and so unsettling. Jinki had never in his life been looked at by a noble and felt so… seen. It was as if for this brief moment in time, they were the only two people in existence and equals in every way. 

“Thank you for your concern, Jinki,” She responded, saying nothing further.

Jinki nodded, he mounted his horse once again and followed the narrow path back to the meadow. He let the horse run free once they reached the open pasture while his thoughts likewise, ran wild with questions. His brain fogged with confusion and the memory of her brown locks falling in a tangled frame around her beautiful face. He couldn't stop thinking about her pale skin aglow in the thin rays of sunlight that streamed through the canopy of trees. For a brief moment in time, they were hidden away from the world’s watchful eye. For that brief moment, he felt like he saw her, the real her, for the first time. Not the snobbish noble but the woman beneath the mask.

Above all else, he couldn’t forget the sound of his name as it rolled off of her lips. The memory of her musical voice pounded in his ears, loud enough to drown out the horse’s hooves against the beaten path.

Jinki didn’t remember much about the rest of his ride, hurrying back to the palace to put the mare away. He waited around for Gwiboon to return from her ride so he could tend to her horse as well. When she returned she looked just as pristine and put together as she did when she left. There was no trace of her excursion in the woods. Her face was once again hidden behind her usual mask and her words were cold and distant. True to his word, Jinki made no attempt to bring up their encounter, keeping silent in order to protect her pride (and his own skin). Despite the two of them slipping back into their designated roles, he couldn’t help but notice how her lips upturned into a small but genuine smile as she turned to leave the stables, making his heart flutter in a strange way.

~~~

After his encounter with Miss Gwiboon, Jinki couldn’t seem to focus. His mind kept turning over the memory, picking it apart. He had so many questions. There was so much he couldn’t make sense of. He rushed through his chores, his fingers itching and his brain focused on the pictures in his head rather than the horse in front of him. 

“Taemin-ah! Are you finished?” He called, trying to keep the impatience he felt out of his tone.

“Coming!” came the faint reply.

Jinki put his equipment away, latching the stall door behind himself. His foot tapped as he waited for the boy to finish up with his work.

“Hyung, is everything okay?”

“Fine, Taemin-ah.” He assured with a smile. “I’m going to take a bit of a break during lunch though so you will have to go back to the stables without me,” Jinki said as he set a brisk pace up the hill towards the palance.

Taemin looked at him in surprise but didn’t question him further. 

They entered the kitchens and Jinki grabbed a few slices of warm bread and begged a healthy scrap of dried meat off of one of the kitchen maids before he was running out the door with a wave.

He stopped by the servant quarters, pulling his supplies out of the hidden corner he kept them before hurrying on to his destination. He wound through the various halls and stairways, avoiding the busier sections of the palace as he made his way up, up, up, until he exited onto the roof, the chilly breeze biting at his skin.

He hastily set out his supplies, laying his few paints out along the floor and mixing them with practiced ease to get the shade he wanted. His paintings were his one guilty pleasure. He found the time only due to stolen moments during the day, time he should have spent on his work. He kept an eye out on his rides for roots, berries and plants that could be used to make his paints or for some material to paint on - tree bark or flat strips of shale and dried clay from the riverbed were good materials to practice and experiment on. However, when he was able to get his hands on some parchment, an old letter that had been discarded or a gift from a maid in charge of cleaning noble’s rooms (he didn’t ask where they came across such a treasure), he made sure to save it only for his best efforts.

He favored painting nature scenes, the fallen leaves of autumn or trying to capture the strong tendons of a horse’s leg pulled taunt as it stretched into a full gallop. It was a difficult thing to capture with his limited abilities and sub-par supplies. Despite this, his simple paintings lined his small cottage and his better pieces were sent to his family back in the countryside. 

He was able to maintain communication with his family through a palace courier, Joon, with whom he had found a trusted friend. Neither he nor his family could read so they had to rely on verbal messages though Joon, so sending his paintings was the only way to give his family a slight picture of what his life was like at the palace. 

He sat down against the cold stone wall, helping to block most of the wind. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and letting his thoughts drift away until all that was left was the picture in his head. He picked up his paintbrush, he’d made it himself with squirrel hair tied to a whittled bit of oak, and let his heart run free with the colors. A content smile pulled at his lips as little by little the picture began to take form before his eyes. 

He knew he had already been gone too long, his responsibilities at the stable demanding his attention once again. But he couldn’t seem to stop, not until the picture was complete. However, he ended up being bewildered more than anything at the image his head decided to conjure up. It was no nature scene, rather a portrait of a maiden; leaves woven in a fragile wreath and framed by dark curls. Her eyes were downcast and a delicate blush gracing her pale cheeks. While his style of painting was wispy and vague, he couldn’t lie to himself. There was no denying the obvious similarities of his painting and the beautiful noblewoman who had begun to invade his world in recent days.


	4. Chapter 4

The weather dipped colder, the first frost hitting hard and killing off any remaining greenery around the palace. Jinki found himself wearing more and more layers to try and keep warm during his long rides. While he looked forward to taking the horses out, enjoying the sunshine and a chance to get away for everything, even if only for a few minutes, during the winter it became more of a chore than anything else. He had to keep heavy wool clothing and even a borrowed fur to wear while out. His thick winter gloves did little to keep the cold wind at bay; his fingers feeling like icicles by the time he returned. The cold snap seemed to be an omen for a rather long winter to come and it was putting a damper on everyone’s mood.

“Jinki!” came a sharp call from across the stables. Jinki looked up from the saddle he was oiling to find Joonha searching for him. 

“Hyung, you needed me?” Jinki replied, exiting the tack room so the elder could see him. 

“Jinki-ya, tomorrow you are to drive the carriage for Miss Gwiboon. She is planning a day trip up north to visit her family and it seems she has requested you to accompany her,” Joonha informed him, the elder straight to the point per usual. Jinki frowned, unsure how to take such information. He worked in the stables; it was definitely not his job to haul bored noble women around the countryside. “You are to leave tomorrow at dawn. It should only take a few hours to reach the northern city however, it is a desolate stretch of road so pack light provisions since there will be no chance to stop until you reach the city.”

“Ay, I understand,” Jinki responded, ignoring the oddity of the situation and focusing on planning out everything he would need for the journey.

His morning seemed to fly by as he was filled with thoughts of what was to come. While he was still confused why he was going to be responsible for this noble woman, he had never been to the northern city and was excited to have a chance to see it and maybe even explore another part of the kingdom. Sure, it was only one day and he wouldn’t have much time to see anything but with luck he could buy a few gifts for his family and maybe find a little inspiration to paint while he was away. There wasn’t much to complain about since it meant a day away from the stables. While he loved his job, it was nice to get a break every once in awhile. 

Before he quite realized it, it was time for lunch and he went off to find Taemin.

“Tomorrow you are going to be working with Joonha hyung,” Jinki informed the younger boy as they started the long trek up the hill towards the palace. 

“Really? Why is that?” Taemin questioned, he had only ever worked with Jinki since he started at the stables, so it must have sounded strange to the boy.

“I am taking a noble up north for a day trip. I should be gone before you arrive in the morning and will return late tomorrow night.” Jinki explained.

“You’re taking Miss Gwiboon?” Taemin questioned.

Jinki looked at him in surprise, “Yes, how did you know?”

“Miss Gwiboon is the only noble who requests you to personally do things for her,” Taemin said with a shrug.

Jinki let out a small laugh, “Well, yes. This is true. I’ve never met a noble so stubborn about the simplest things.” He shook his head, unsure what to make of the situation. Like everything Miss Gwiboon seemed to do, it was quite odd. Most nobles didn’t notice or care which servants were assigned to them and Jinki still wasn’t sure it was a good thing that she had taken notice of him.

~~~

Upon arriving the next morning, he made quick work of putting Sangchu away before heading up to the palace kitchens to retrieve their provisions for the day. Despite the early hour, the kitchens were already bustling with activity, there was always something to be prepared, a table of potatoes waiting to be peeled and a freshly cleaned deer carcass, waiting to be cut and salted for preservation. 

“Jinki, there you are,” Madame Kim said, tying up the corners of a rather large collection of food: a full loaf of bread, some salted meat, two large apples, a large chunk of cheese and two flasks of ale.

“You know it’s only a day trip, right?” Jinki said, eyebrow rose in question.

“Well you must both eat breakfast! Don’t you lie to me, boy. I know you haven’t had a morsel all morning! And it’s a long trip so you will want a bite while on the road, not to mention the trip back! You mark my words, that basket will run empty soon enough and you will wish you had taken more,” she told him, not leaving any room for argument. After their years together, Jinki knew better than to try. 

Jinki chuckled, “Thank you. Whatever would I do without you?”

“Shrivel up and die,” she retorted. 

“I’m sure we could rid the world of plague if only we all took your advice,” Jinki teased further.

“Finally, someone with some sense. Go on now, wouldn’t want to rouse the beast that is her temper by being late now would you?” She said, shooing him away.

Jinki nodded, taking the package under his arm and making his way back to the stables. The sun crept over the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and purple. The weather was still bitterly cold but the morning sun was starting to chase away any clouds, leaving them with an enjoyable day for an outing. Jinki greeted his fellow stable hands, everyone still a bit overcast with sleep as he set about preparing the carriage, checking and double checking the horses before leading them around to the front of the stables and waiting for Miss Gwiboon to arrive. 

True to her personality, she arrived just as the sun had crested the hillside, her dress fashionable and heavy with layers of intricate embroidery more detailed than Jinki had ever seen. The colors were deep and rich from expensive dyes and her jewelry made no question about her station. Her hair was pulled up atop her head, ringlets falling in a purposeful effortlessness, framing her delicate face. Jinki had only ever seen her in her riding attire, simple colors of linen and wool paired with hearty leather boots. The woman before him now though, she was something else entirely. The two images were so different, it was hard for Jinki to reconcile in his mind. As she stood before him oozing with wealth and status, it was near impossible for Jinki to understand how she could be the same woman he’d stumbled upon in the woods only a few days prior. 

Jinki bowed low, opening the carriage door for her and offering a steadying hand so she could step inside. The carriage itself was fine without being flamboyant or flashy. The mere fact that someone was riding in a carriage signified wealthy and status, no need to encourage bandits and robbers further. It was made of a dark oak and elegant wrought iron fastenings. Due to the chilly weather, the carriage he chose was fully enclosed, protecting the passenger from rain, wind and cold while the driver sat up on a wooden bench behind the horses. Jinki was thankful the weather was nice enough since it was a long trip and he didn’t fancy driving the carriage in the rain, considering how cold out it was. Jinki snapped the door shut behind her, no words being exchanged at such an early hour of the morning. He slid on his sturdy leather gloves, pulling his cap low over his eyes and climbed onto the bench and setting all their provisions beside himself, tucked in with a few extra blankets as he prepared the set out. The horses were prancing in anticipation, the open path calling to them, but Jinki kept them to a smooth gait as they exited the palace grounds and went out into the city. 

The streets were still scarce with life, a few merchants and common workers going about their days, but most people still enjoying the last few minutes of comfort in their homes. It didn’t take long before they reached the deserted road leading towards the northern city; civilization trickled away and melted into thick forest on either side of them. Now outside of city walls, their surroundings seemed to come alive with the sounds of wildlife. Jinki knotted the reins, looping them around the rod in front of his bench to keep them from falling, their heavily wooded surroundings were enough to keep the horses on course. Jinki rifled through the provisions Madame Kim had sent with him, pulling out one of the flasks, an apple and a bit of meat for himself before rolling his knuckles against the small compartment separating himself from Gwiboon. She opened the small window with a questioning quirk to her eyebrows only to be met with Jinki’s bright smile, “M’lady, have you eaten? The kitchens sent along food for the trip if you are hungry,” Jinki held up the package for her to see. 

“Thank you,” She replied, accepting the offering without another word. Jinki turned back to the road, munching on his apple and humming a little tune as the road stretched out in an endless snaking path before them. The trip was quiet, Gwiboon making no attempt to talk with him and Jinki didn’t disrupt her beyond what was necessary. The horses were both reliable beasts who enjoyed their day out as much as Jinki himself did, and were making good time on the empty road. It was nearing noonday when they reached the outer walls of the city, buildings rising up and signs of life in the form of workers out in the fields bringing in the last of the harvest and merchants peddling their wares to anyone who would listen. 

Jinki knocked against the dividing window once again, “M’lady? We have arrived. Where would you like me to take you first?”

“My family estate is to the east, just over the next ridge. I will spend the day with my family so you can rest the horses in the stables and take the day for yourself. The city square is but a short walk. I should like to leave soon after evening meal.”

“As you wish, m’lady,” Jinki replied, guiding the carriage on her direction until the estate rose up within his sight. It was a large compound, a sizable home made of stone and its own stables surrounded by land so vast it must have been worked by many servants. Jinki knew that nobles such as Miss Gwiboon came from money he could not fathom, but it was different to see it up close. It was just a little bit intimidating, even for someone like Jinki who worked at the palace. Jinki expected such things at the palace where royalty and nobles congregated to show off their wealth. The palace itself was built and maintained through taxes and the sweat of the commoners. However, it was different to see wealth like this. To know that this wasn’t simply a show of one’s purse but a daily occurrence. Miss Gwiboon truly came from a different world. 

He held his chin high, driving up to the front where they were greeted by footmen who went about opening the carriage and greeting Miss Gwiboon. She vanished inside the cold, stone walls without a glance in his direction and Jinki was left alone to tend to the horses. He guided the carriage around to the stables, greeting the stable hands and following obediently as one of them directed him to an available stall to house the horses for the day. He made quick work of getting both horses settled and the tack cleaned and ready to be put back on for the evening. 

Jinki gathered his things, a skip in his step as he set off for the town, excited to drink in all the new sights before him. The air was crisp and the square alive with vibrant life, people bustling all around and street stalls filled with food assaulting his senses from all angles. Jinki strolled aimlessly, stopping to buy a bit of spit fired meat and a sweet bread. This was the first time he had been able to get away from the capital in years and he figured there was no better excuse to empty his purse a bit.

The sound of boisterous laughter pulled his attention away from the expansion of street stalls and instead pulled his feet towards the crowd of children giggling over a puppet show. A warm smile spread through Jinki as he watched a comical depiction before him. The subject matter a satire about the political tension shaking the ground they called home, but the children far too innocent and simple to understand that, instead they enjoyed the slapstick comedic quality of it. Jinki spared a small coin for the performers, continuing to explore further, winding down a narrow alley only to stumble into a sign advertising artistry supplies. The shop was simple, dedicating far more space to various herbs and roots than brushes but it was more than Jinki could ever hope for. He allowed himself to browse, studying the different sized brushes bound with fine squirrel hair and various inks and parchments. Jinki looked on the blue dye pigments with longing but only knew he could never afford such a luxury. He gave a nod to the shopkeeper and moved on, not wanting to linger or draw attention to himself. 

Jinki let his feet wander again, this time his eyes falling on a fine wool scarf made of a deep maroon. The material was soft and the simple embroidery of silver thread was elegant. Jinki couldn’t stop himself from purchasing it, imagining the smile on his mother's face when she received it in the next package he sent home. 

Jinki went about browsing the different stalls looking for presents for the rest of his family as well. He found a hunting knife, a fine blade set in a bone handle. It was simple and beautiful. While Jinki still remembered his brother as a small child, he knew his brother was growing up and could appreciate and use such a gift. 

He settled on a small silk purse for his baby sister, Sojeong. It was made from leftover scraps of fabric, a patchwork of varying shades or red and purple that came together to form a small flower design in the center. For Sojin, he decided on a delicate lace shawl dyed a pale blue. She was promised to be married in the winter after all and while he desperately wanted to be there, he knew it was unlikely he could make the long trip home for the event. The palace didn’t rest just because he wanted a vacation and the horses were always in need of attention regardless of his schedule. He had built up his reputation by being a reliable stable hand, always prompt and always diligent and so far it had served him well. He didn’t want to tarnish that by being overly demanding. While he knew he couldn’t be there for her wedding, he at the very least wanted to get her a gift for her special day and new life to come. 

Once he was finished with the gifts for his family he splurged on a package of sweets, a hard candy sweetened with honey that he knew his siblings would adore. He saved out a few pieces for Taemin, having found a soft spot within himself for the boy, and even allowed a small piece to touch his own tongue.

The sun was starting to dip low and Jinki felt it best to wrap up his time at the market, buying a warm mince pie and a bottle of ale to enjoy on his way back before he set off back to Miss Gwiboon’s manor, his purse light but his knapsack heavy with gifts for his loved ones. It had been an enjoyable day and Jinki was actually quite glad that Miss Gwiboon had picked him to drive her. Otherwise he would probably never have had the chance to see the northern city in his lifetime. 

Jinki quickened his pace, the sun slipping lower, melding with the landscape and the sky gradually darkening into an orange hue. He made a beeline for the stables, surprised to find the stable boys of the manor already hitching the horses to the carriage in his absence. He stowed his new purchases behind his seat, preparing the lanterns to attach to the carriage for their long journey for it would soon be too dark to travel without them. Once that was finished, he drew the carriage around to the front of the manor andd waited for Miss Gwiboon to exit the house so they could being the trip back to the palace.

He only had to wait a few minutes before she stepped outside, her cheeks rosy and her eyes were alight with a joyfulness that was uncommon for her but becoming to say the least. The page that followed along behind her was laden heavily with boxes of things she was bringing back to the palace with her. Jinki was glad to see that this had been a pleasant trip for them both.

As before, Jinki waited until they were out of the city and onto the deserted path before addressing Miss Gwiboon, “M’lady, I trust you had a pleasant stay?”

“I did,” she replied.

“I am glad. If you get hungry, there is still plenty of salted meat and a few slabs of cheese left. Also, it’s quite cold tonight so please let me know if you are in need of another blanket,” Jinki informed her. 

“Thank you, Jinki. I’m just fine for now,” Gwiboon responded with a pleasant smile. 

“Yes M’lady, well if you need anything, you know where to find me,” Jinki responded with a cheeky smile. He settled back against the carriage, relying on the dense trees to keep the horses on the path. The sky continued to darken, turning shadowy as it filtered through the thick trees. It had been a long but enjoyable day and Jinki allowed himself to relax, letting the horses do the work of getting them home and out of the cold.


	5. Chapter 5

They were only about an hour into their journey and the sun had fully set, leaving them in darkness deep within the thickest part of the forest when the carriage suddenly jolted with the sickening and unmistakable sound of splintering wood. The horses both spooked at the loud and unexpected noise.

“Whoa,” Jinki commanded, pulling the beasts up in an antsy halt before climbing down from his perch and grabbing onto the bridle to try to steady the animals. 

“What is going on?” Miss Gwiboon called out to him.

“Please stay in the carriage, m’lady,” Jinki responded, taking a moment to sooth the scared horses, running his hand down the plane of each of their faces in turn until they were both calm before he began to inspect the carriage. He grabbed a lantern but it was a pitiful source of light in such darkness.

It didn’t take long before his fingers transitioned from smooth wood to sharp splinters, identifying the problem but that only made him utter a few curses under his breath. The beam had nearly snapped in half. He couldn’t see a damn thing with only this lantern to guide him and there was no way they could continue their journey like this. His mind whirled with the possible solutions but he still kept coming up short. There wasn’t a village between here and the palace and without getting a good look at the underside of the carriage, he couldn’t be sure he would be capable of fixing it well enough to get them home. It seemed he had few options and the safest plan was the wait until sunrise to assess the damage, fix it if possible, otherwise ride ahead for help and to fetch another carriage to bring Miss Gwiboon back. 

“M’lady,” Jinki called, knocking on the carriage door. She opened it immediately, impatient to see what the problem was. “It seems the carriage has suffered damages. I fear we must stay here tonight. I shall try to mend it in the daylight so we can continue on to the palace,” he explained. 

“What? Stay here? In the middle of the forest?” Her eyes widened in shock and fear.

“My apologies, m’lady. Without proper lighting it is difficult to even determine the full scope of the damage, I cannot be sure it will be safe to travel,” he explained.

“Can’t you ride on ahead?” Gwiboon questioned, perplexed by their situation.

“And leave m’lady alone in the dark of night in the forest? It would take hours before I could return to fetch you. It is not safe, m’lady. If I must leave you to ride on ahead I would much prefer to wait until daylight,” Jinki replied. 

“We shall freeze to our death out here!” She exclaimed.

“The carriage will block out the wind and I packed many blankets for the journey. I apologize for any discomfort m’lady but please understand,” he said quietly, handing her the remaining blankets.

“Preposterous. Royal carriage? It can’t even make a simple day trip! Am I so low to warrant being treated like this? And now I must sleep in the forest with a stable boy! The gossip that shall follow me upon my return,” Gwiboon whined, more to herself than anything. Jinki stood silent beside her, head bowed as he waited for her to calm down. 

“I’m sorry, m’lady. Please, rest inside the carriage. It is very cold and I wouldn’t want you to get ill. I must tend to the horses but please let me know if you need anything,” Jinki bowed before turning away, unhitching the horses and tethering them to a nearby tree that had a small patch of grass for them to graze. He used up the last bit of their water feeding the horses, having to settle for ale himself and splitting the apple Miss Gwiboon hadn’t eaten that morning between the two animals. They had eaten oats at the manor so neither animal was wanting for anything except a warm stall.

Once the horses were settled he dimmed the lanterns and grabbed a thin blanket for himself as well as his knapsack before settling against the tree that offered the most protection against the wind. He leaned back, staring up at the pitch black canopy of trees, the faintest hint of moonlight peaked through the rustling leaves to paint shadows all around him. Rather than being frightened, it brought a sense of comfort to him, he had always loved being outdoors, listening to the life all around them. Jinki pulled his knees up into his chest, burying his nose under the thin woven blanket to hide from the cold but he knew that he was in for a long, restless night. Jinki could hear Miss Gwiboon muttering to herself inside the carriage, the noble woman clearly didn’t know how to deal with anything outside of her control. 

“Where are the extra blankets?” She called out, sounding less angry and more defeated than before.

“These are the only blankets we have, m’lady,” Jinki answered softly.

“It’s so cold,” he heard her mutter, her tone thick as if she were holding back tears. Jinki frowned, she made it a point to show off her strength, she wouldn’t cry over something so small... would she?

However, when he heard the distinctive sound of sniffling he couldn’t deny it any longer. She was a noble woman; she wasn’t accustomed to sleeping anywhere outside of her warm bed. With a sigh, his gentlemanly duty took over and he pulled himself to his feet. His wool shirt did little to block the frigid wind as his shoulders shuddered in protest of the cold. 

He knocked on the carriage door softly, not wanting to startle her.

“What do you want now?” She called, her voice a pitch too high.

“M’lady, may I open the door?” Jinki asked.

When she didn’t respond he pulled the carriage door open, passing the flimsy, woven blanket to her. She stared at him wide-eyed and confused.

“Please stay warm, m’lady. I will work on fixing the carriage at first light so you can get back to the palace as quickly as possible,” Jinki bowed, securing the door and making his way to where the horses were teathered. As best he could, he covered himself using the horses saddle pads, curling his knees into his chest to get as much of his body covered. It was going to be a long night.

“Boy—Jin-- I-- it’s too cold. Get in the carriage, it’ll be warmer that way,” she demanded.

Jinki looked up in surprise, “M’lady! I could never-- I’m fine.”

“I wasn’t talking about you. I’m about to catch my death. Get in the carriage. That is an order,” He could hear the uncertainty in her voice but her words still left little room for argument. 

Jinki looked a bit stunned but followed her order, grabbing his things and sliding into the carriage and taking the seat farthest from her. 

“I can’t very well have you catching a cold and dying before you can get this carriage fixed, now can I,” she said flippantly as Jinki continued to eye her in confusion. 

“Whatever you say, m’lady,” Jinki whispered, making no further comments as Gwiboon scoffed at the blanket in her hands and practically threw it at him. 

He tried to hide his confusion; every interaction with her seemed to leave Jinki baffled, she was nothing like the nobles he was used to dealing with. She tried so hard to keep up this facade of being emotionless and cold as ice but it always seemed to crumble right before Jinki’s eyes. She was different, soft towards the needs of others and Jinki didn’t know how to interpret that. 

The air hung heavy between, tension thick and dripping around them, and only the sound of their breathing could be heard in the dark carriage. It was warmer inside the carriage, the icy wind howling around them without slipping past the doors and as the minutes passed their body heat began to merge to warm the small space.

“I’m sorry, m’lady. I know this must be a hardship for you to endure,” Jinki finally whispered, breaking through the fragile air between them.

“Nothing to be done I suppose,” Gwiboon responded, noticeably calmer than she’d been before.

“Still, I apologize for sullying your trip with such concerns.”

“Why do you always apologize for things outside of your control?” She asked, even in the dark, Jinki could feel her eyes on him. 

Jinki smile was tinged at the corners with bitterness. Jinki had spent his whole life apologizing for things outside of his control, it was the only way he knew how to talk to a noble. Despite their current situation or even their short history, he wasn’t about to try to explain the intricacies of class differences to her. Rather than responding, he met her with another question, “Your stay was pleasant, m’lady?”

“Yes it was. And you?”

Jinki was a bit taken aback by her question. Why was she taking such an interest in him? She seemed to be breaking through all norms as Jinki understood them. “Yes, m’lady. It was my first time seeing the northern city.”

“And? How did you think it?”

“It was pleasant,” was all he could think to say. He had enjoyed the experience, to see new sights and try new food. While he liked living near the palace, it was nice to do something different if only for a brief time. 

“Where are you from Jinki? Your accent is not of the capital,” she asked. 

“I’m from the south, m’lady. A small village along the border,” he answered, allowing himself to slip deeper into conversation with her. Despite their differences, something about the darkness of night and the cocoon of warmth within the carriage made it easier to talk to her, to open up when he would normally choose his words with care.

“May I ask what brought you to the palace?” Her voice was soft, not demanding an answer but she seemed to be pulling the words from his mouth anyway.

“Work, m’lady. My father was a farrier but he passed before he could teach me his trade. With my mother and three littles ones to be cared for we hadn’t the time or money for me to take an apprenticeship so I went looking for work.” 

Under the veil of darkness it was easy for Jinki to forget about her station, forget his place, and Gwiboon seemed content to let the formalities slip away. After their mishap in the forest he was more confident that she would listen without judgment and he didn’t have to fear repercussions for every slip of the tongue. It made it that much easier to be honest now that a foundation of trust and understanding had been built between them. 

“Responsibility. The curse of the eldest,” Gwiboon muttered more to herself but Jinki heard it nonetheless. “So how did you end up at the stables?”

“I was lucky enough to meet Madame Kim, the head cook from the palace. She found me in the market place and took pity on a poor country boy. She gave me shelter and a hot meal and eventually found me a position as an errand boy. It was discovered that I had a knack for horses so to the stables I went. There I’ve stayed for nearly half my life now. The work is honest and the pay, fair. I am able to support my family without being left wanting for myself,” he explained. It had been a difficult time of transition for him but he could look back on it fondly now. He was luckier than most and for that he was grateful. 

“You miss them?”

“My family? Very much so.”

“Tell me about them?”

“M’lady?” He felt like they were teetering on the edge of… something. Talking about his family, his life outside of the palace was a deeper, more intimate question then he’d been prepared to answer. 

“I do not feel the heaviness of sleep yet and your voice is soothing to my ears. Tell me,” She responded but her tone gentle and inviting.

“Yes, m’lady. My mother is a weaver and she sells her craft around the neighboring villages. She is a gentle woman, caring. She often spends her spare time helping at the nunnery, baking bread for the hungry and tending to the gardens outside the church. We may have little but we want for nothing and the sight of souls in need has always softened her heart. From what she tells me, my brother is growing into a strapping young lad. He works the fields now and quite proud of the muscles he is building up,” Jinki let out a small laugh as mental images of his baby brother filled his mind. It was hard to imagine him as a young man now. 

“I also have two sisters. The eldest is due to be married this next spring. She has trained on the loom with my mother since she was a young girl and from what I hear, her soon to be husband is a fine man who will care for her well. The youngest is still but a child. She helps my mother in the kitchen and tending to the house. She also helps in the gardens and she seems to have taken an interest in plants and herbal healing. My mother hopes to have her study under the healer in our village,” Jinki trailed off, running out of things to say. He wasn’t used to talking about his personal life. It was both therapeutic and painful to share about his family whom he hadn’t seen in so long. “W-what of you, m’lady?” Jinki dared to ask in return.

“Myself? I have but one sibling, a younger sister. She’s- she’s a sweet, gentle soul, untouched by the evils of this world. She is a better person than I; all of my shortcomings are her greatest characteristics. I miss her dearly,” Jinki could hear the sincerity of her words. 

“It must be difficult for you, living away from home,” Jinki commented.

“Tis no different for you,” She replied.

“Ay, but I am much older than m’lady,” Jinki pointed out. He was accustomed to being on his own, however this was her first time away from loved ones. It got easier to deal with as the years went by but Jinki did not forget the lonely nights of missing his family so much he felt he could die from longing. 

“You are not much older than I,” Gwiboon argued.

“This winter I will be six and twenty, m’lady,” Jinki informed her with a knowing quirk to his lips.

“That’s-- a few years my senior,” Gwiboon conceded, “However, you hardly look your age,” making Jinki chuckle at her argumentative nature. Even in admitting her mistake she felt it necessary to justify such an innocent transgression. 

“And m’lady?” Jinki asked, his eyes felt heavy, the carriage felt warmer and the conversation was comfortable..

“I am seven and ten years,” She replied. 

Jinki chuckled again, “Ay, as I said, I am much older.” 

“You make me sound but a child,” Gwiboon retorted, the faintest hint of a pout in her tone.

“Of course not, m’lady, but I was not much younger than yourself when I moved into the palace. While many summers have passed, I still remember the hardship of loneliness.”

Gwiboon was silent for a moment before venturing to ask, “Have you been back to visit?”

Jinki sad smile was lost in the darkness, “The horses do not stop eating long enough to allow me time for such a trip.”

“How do you manage?”

“I’m away from them because I must be. I work at the palace to provide for them; our livelihood depends on it. If I were back with them, my heart would be heavy for we would all be suffering. Being separated is what keeps us alive. Like a rose, some buds must be cut to make the bush thrive. The knowledge that the suffering of my heart is what is best for the ones I love is what makes it possible for me to continue each day,” Jinki’s words were heavy with the weight of honesty. He missed his family, everyday his heart aching to see his mother’s face, to trace the lines of age etched into her skin. It pained him to think that he wouldn’t even be able to recognize his baby sister if he were to see her. She had been the wee age of three when he had left home and now she was just a few years shy of the beautiful woman who sat before him now. He had missed seeing them grow and he had missed getting to know them. Those years were lost, never to return no matter how he ached for it. The only relief came from knowing that his absence allowed them to live in comfort, warm and fed each night. It did nothing to chase away the loneliness, but it was enough to keep him going every day.

“I think it best if we rest now,” Gwiboon’s voice was barely a breath.

“Ay, m’lady,” Jinki responded, sinking deep into his thoughts and memories of the ones he missed most of all. Sleep danced just out of his reach as he listened to the soothing sound of Gwiboon’s heavy breathing beside him, calming his mind and comforting his soul.


	6. Chapter 6

At first light Jinki crept out of the carriage, taking pains not to wake Miss Gwiboon at such an early hour. He checked on the horses, greeting them both with an affectionate pat before turning his attention to the carriage and assessing the damages. It was as he feared, the beam was splintered and teetering on the edge of snapping in half. The possibility of injuring one of the horses if it were to break was high and an injured horse would mean a spooked horse which would put them all in danger. Jinki scoured the carriage for any materials that might help him secure the beam long enough to bring them home. When he came up short, he searched the surrounding forest area, finding a sturdy tree branch that was long and straight. He dragged it back to the carriage and pulled out his knife to begin cutting it down to the size he needed. 

Gwiboon stumbled out of the carriage, her hair falling untamed around her face.

“Good morning, m’lady,” Jinki greeted.

“Jinki,” she muttered in a tired response, “How is the carriage?” Whatever class barrier that existed between them seemed to be held at bay by their current circumstances. She continued to speak comfortably with him and Jinki didn’t waste any thoughts questioning it. 

“I think lady luck might be on our side today. The support beam is splintered but not completely broken. If I am able to reinforce it with this,” Jinki held up the branch he had been working on, “I think it might just hold out long enough to get us back to the palace.”

“Okay, so… how do you do that?”

“Well I must find some way to fasten this to the beam,” Jinki answered, frowning to himself.

“Like rope?”

Jinki let out a small laugh, “Yes, like rope. But we have none.”

Gwiboon turned on her heel, opening the carriage again and rummaging through her things. Jinki’s confused eyes followed her movements but his smile spread to an absolute beam when she returned with a few sturdy pieces of twine, “Will this work?”

“I think it will work just fine, m’lady. Wherever did you find these?”

“The page used them to secure my packages,” She responded with a faint smile. 

With renewed vigor, Jinki set about repairing the carriage, securing the makeshift support as best he could. He looked on his handy work with a frown; it looked flimsy at best. If anything were to go wrong it was unlikely that the twine would be enough to hold it together, the beam was too heavy. He pondered for a moment before he was hit with a sudden spark of genius; acting before had thought it through.

“Jinki what in heaven’s name are you doing?” Gwiboon questioned, her tone more confused than anything as she watched Jinki who was in the process of undoing the buckle of his belt. 

Jinki flushed a bit, “m’lady, please avert your eyes,” he asked, feeling very uncomfortable to be adjusting his pants in front of a lady. He hastily removed his belt, using a piece of the twine to keep his pants in place and using his leather belt to hold the beam up instead. 

“There!” Jinki proclaimed, the carriage finally looking fit to travel.

“It is fixed?” Gwiboon questioned, looking onto the mess of wood, leather and twine with a raised eyebrow.

“It should hold out long enough,” Jinki replied, “Are you ready to carry on, m’lady?” 

“I believe so,” She responded.

“Well I shall prepare the horses. I have laid out the rest of the provisions so please eat. I apologize, I used the last of the water on the horses last night but there is still a flask of ale.”

“I understand. Have you eaten?” She asked, picking up the meger remains of their rations and peering inside. 

“I’m fine, m’lady,” Jinki assured her.

“So that is a no?” She leveled him with a hard stare.

“Ay, there is little food left so I left it for m’lady,” Jinki muttered, looking down at his feet and avoiding her glare. Gwiboon tutted, offering a piece of dried meat to him. Jinki’s eyes widened in shock, while they had seemed to find a common ground between the two of them, that didn’t alleviate the social chains that told Jinki to take care of the noble before himself, especially a woman. “The trip is short, we will be back at the palace soon enough. Please don’t worry about me, m’lady.”

She ignored him, taking the package of food and leaving it on the drivers post before shutting herself inside the carriage. It touched Jinki in a way he wasn’t sure how to deal with that she was so concerned about him. 

Jinki made quick work of hitching the horses to the carriage, itching to get back on the road. Joonha was probably very worried that they had not returned yet. Most would assume that Miss Gwiboon had decided to spend the night at the manor, however, Joonha had always had a soft spot for Jinki and treated him more like a son than just another stable hand.

Jinki climbed up into the seat, making sure to notify Miss Gwiboon first as to not startle her. He was careful to keep the horses at a gentle pace, staying conscious of the state of the carriage.

“How long should it take to get to the palace?” Miss Gwiboon asked through the open window between them.

“I hope by noonday. We must go slow to spare the carriage, however we are past the roughest of the terrain already; from here on the trail is easy and the path well trodden,” he assured her. With a little luck they would arrive back at the palace without any further issues.

“That is good.”

“Yes, please relax, m’lady. We shall be back at the palace soon enough.”

“Will you get in trouble for missing another day of work?”

Jinki chuckled, “That’s nothing for you to worry about, miss. My priority when I was assigned to be your driver was keeping you safe and that is what I intend to do.”

“That did not answer my question,” She snapped back but there was little bite to her words.

Rather than taking offense, Jinki just laughed harder, “Do you always worry so much about your servants?”

“Do you always talk so plainly to nobles?” She shot back.

“Never, m’lady. I’m afraid I feel too comfortable in your presence, forgive me,” Jinki responded but his smile didn’t falter.

“Do not apologize for such things. I have few people in my life, even fewer at the palace, with whom I can trust,” she sighed.

“Well I am honored m’lady thinks so highly of me.”

“Now enough of the serious talk. Entertain me,” she demanded but Jinki could hear the smile in her voice. 

“How shall I entertain you, m’lady?” He asked.

“A story?” She suggested.

“Hmm, how about a song? I’ve never been much of a story teller.”

“Alright,” she responded, her chin resting on her arm in the small window, waiting for him to continue. Just like that, they passed the few hours of traveling with comfortable chatter and Jinki’s sweet voice mingling with the birds above.

~~~

The stables were a flurry of active once they arrived. Joonha was there to greet them, relief clear on his face, “Jinki! What is the meaning of this?”

“I’m sorry to worry you, hyung. Everything is fine. The carriage broke on the way back,” Jinki explained, pointing out the patched up beam as he spoke, “I wasn’t able to repair it until daybreak so unfortunately Miss Gwiboon had to suffer a night in the forest.”

“My apologies, m’lady. I’m deeply sorry this bad luck has befallen upon you,” Joonha told her as he offered a hand to help her down from the carriage.

“As you should be!” She shot back, venom in her tone. “What kind of leaky barrel did you send me out in? I could have been attacked by robbers or wolves or any number of unsavory things. For shame! I shall talk to the foreman about this, I shall.”

Joonha bowed low in response. Before he could begin to apologize again, the stable door open, revealing a tall, thin man atop an impressive white stallion. The three turned to take in the sight before them before Jinki jumped to attention, “Sir Minho!”

“Ahhh Jinki, good to see you!” he greeted, a warm smile on his lips.

“Likewise! I had no idea you would be back at the palace before spring!” Jinki said, taking hold of the stallion’s bridle and giving the horse a good scratch behind the ears.

“Only briefly I’m afraid, lots to be done now with the eastern border and all,” Sir Minho explained. “I have some business to attend to and if my mother has any say in the matter, I’ll stay at the palace until after the harvest festival.”

Jinki nodded, his skin prickling in discomfort at the mere mention of the tension in the east. No one wanted a war after all. 

Minho slid down from the tall horse with ease. “May I attend to Goin for you?” Jinki asked, gesturing to the stallion. 

“You seem busy,” Minho said, nodding towards Miss Gwiboon and Joonha, “I can get someone else to—”

“Gods above! What happened to you, my dear?” The sudden voice of Lord Jonghyun cut through their conversation as the short man strolled in, addressing Miss Gwiboon without much thought or attention to the company surrounding her. However, once he looked up, it was as if the air froze around them. Surprise seeped into anger within the Lord’s eyes. “Oh, hello. Sorry to interrupt,” Lord Jonghyun said, his tone sugary and burning with fakeness even to Jinki’s untrained ears. “Gwiboon, my sweet. Whatever happened? I was worried sick when you didn’t return yesterday. I trust your travels were safe?”

“Oh Jonghyun, it was just awful! The carriage broke and I had to sleep in the forest and it was so cold!” Gwiboon whined, her face formed into a perfect pout.

“Gods, that is just awful. Next time, I shall take you myself in my personal carriage. I can’t bear the thought of you suffering so,” Jonghyun cooed. With a smug, pointed glare towards Sir Minho, Jonghyun wrapped an arm around Gwiboon and guided her out of the stables as he murmured words of understanding and comfort in her ear. 

Jinki turned back to Sir Minho, opening his mouth to offer once again to deal with his mount only to have the reins thrust into his hands. Minho’s face was a hard, emotionless mask when just minutes prior his smile was filled with warmth. The tall man turned on his heel, leaving without another word. Jinki and Joonha exchanged puzzled glances, neither seemed sure what unspoken interactions had just occurred around them. Jinki knew if he wanted answers, there was only one person to ask.

~~~

“Jinki! Oh bless my soul! I was so worried about you! When that little sprite of a boy came by and said you hadn’t returned I nearly made myself sick with worry! Whatever happened? Sit, sit! I’ll have one of the girls bring you some warm tea and a nice hot meal. You must be starved! I _ knew _ I should have packed you more food! Sit!” She fussed and prattled on as she directed the kitchen servants with nothing more than a snap of her fingers. Jinki couldn’t help but chuckle. Madame Kim was known for her fiery tongue but she was such a gentle soul beneath it all. Mothering, towards Jinki in particular, but she loved to take care of others. Jinki almost felt guilty for making her stress so, even if the event was out of his control. 

"I’m fine!” He insisted.

“You sit down when I tell you to sit down, boy,” She responded, ignoring his words entirely. Jinki complied, taking a seat at the empty table and letting her dote on him as much as she needed to feel settled down. Once she had stopped fussing over him and he had a full meal inside his belly they were able to talk unhindered. 

“So… something odd happened in the stables today,” Jinki began.

“Oh really? Pray tell,” Madame Kim perked up at the prospect of a nice piece of gossip.

“Sir Minho came back unexpectedly today.”

“And?”

“And when we were in the barns, Lord Jonghyun came in…” Jinki trailed off as Madame Kim’s eyes lit up. “You know something,” he accused.

She laughed in response. “From what I understand, Sir Minho and Lord Jonghyun used to be quite close. They were good friends when they were younger and uninhibited by status and obligation. They often went hunting together and always had a smile for the other. They were a bit of pranksters when they were boys, never anything serious but made more than a few maids shed tears of aggravation. They were good boys though. Sir Minho always keeping the younger Lord in check. However, people grow up and change. Sir Minho became a squire, his eyes set on knighthood and he no longer had time for such childish games. As for Lord Jonghyun, he started showing a liking for sins of the flesh. You know his reputation, I’m sure. They started to drift apart. There is rumor that they both fell in love with the same woman, Lord knows both those boys walked around with stars in their eyes for someone, but I cannot say for who. And if I don’t know then it probably isn’t true. Regardless of the reason, they had a falling out of some sort and they haven’t been seen in each other’s company since.”

“I see,” Jinki said. 

“I’d love to know the reason. Maybe it really was some tart that toyed with them both,” Madame Kim mused.

Jinki laughed, “Always the gossip.”

“You mind your tongue boy, who do you come to when you want answers?”

“Ay, I meant no harm.”

“So, besides the carriage breaking, how was your trip with the she devil?” She pressed.

“It was wonderful! Miss Gwiboon is actually quite pleasant and I was allowed the whole day to myself to explore the northern city. It was nice, different, to see a whole new city. I was also able to get presents for my family. Please, let Joon know I am waiting for him the next time he is at the palace,” Jinki told her. 

“Ay. You’re mother must be proud; she raised a fine son. Now, tell me more about this Miss Gwiboon! You are the first to describe her as anything less than a screeching harpy, I am curious,” Madame Kim pressed.

Jinki laughed at her description. “She is a proud woman but she is fair and pleasant when she is far from the judging eyes of other nobles. She has been kind to me, and forgiving when other nobles would not have been,” Jinki’s honest words were cryptic, which made Madame Kim study him closer.

“You will tell me no more?”

“You gossip too much,” Jinki smiled.

“And you, young man, are too good. I cared for you like a lost lamb and this is how I am treated?” She whined at him.

“You think to guilt my conscience into divulging my secrets? Have you no shame?” Jinki laughed, far too used to her antics to allow them to get under his skin.

“Not a lick,” She smirked. However, she seemed to accept that Jinki would speak no further on the subject so she allowed topic to fall flat with nothing more than playful teasing. 


	7. Chapter 7

The days that followed were busy for Jinki. He had little time to mull over the incidents in the carriage or the stables and instead tried to put it all out of his mind and focus on his duties. There was much to be prepared for the upcoming harvest festival and the servants and noble class alike were on edge with excitement and nerves. The stables were a bustling place year round so the added influx of people and animals during the festival would be taxing on all of them. 

However, it was in the midst of this that the mare Jinki had been caring for went into labor. Animals always had an uncanny ability to pick the absolute worst day of the year. It was a universal truth that proved itself over and over again. The weather was miserable, a soft drizzle pattered relentlessly and seemed to make the cold seep to the very bone. Jinki had spent the night at the stables, the mare started showing signs of birthing early in the evening and Jinki felt it best to stay with her. His intuition was correct; the horse went into labor late that night. Thankfully, she managed to foal without any issues and the baby dropped without his help. Jinki’s eyes were heavy with sleep and his hair was a tangled mess of straw and sweat despite the weather, but they had a new foal. The new pair were doing well, the baby had taken some time before he was able to latch on but everything looked in its proper order. Jinki tried to stay back as much as possible, giving the mother and baby time to rest and formulate their bond without his interference. While there were many aspects of working at the stables that Jinki enjoyed, caring for a new foal was by far his favorite. Horses were such curious and playful animals by nature and it was always a joy to be around the new babies. He was excited for the months to come, to watch their new colt grow and explore his new world. 

The sun was rising, chasing away the rain and brightening up the day as Jinki was finishing up with the mare, giving her a generous helping of oats, a bit of molasses water and fresh hay to help her through those first few crucial days of recovery. Once he finally exited the stall, the stables were bustling with activity once again. The stable hands were going about their morning routine, food and hay being distributed to the animals and water being brought in from the river. Jinki was exhausted, he wasn’t as young as he used to be and staying up all night took its toll. He mapped out which chores he had to do himself and which he could pawn off on others so he could go home and sleep; Joonha would be more than understanding. Jinki went to hunt him down, finding the elder in the tack room getting ready to go out for a ride himself.

“Jinki, you look like death,” Joonha commented, raising an eyebrow.

“Ay, the mare foaled last night. I’ve been here tending to her,” Jinki explained.

“All went well?” Joonha asked, turning his eyes back to the horse in front of him while they talked.

“Ay, the colt is strong and healthy and the mare seems to be fine,” Jinki assured him. 

“Good to hear. I’ll pass along the news to the palace,” Joonha responded. 

“I am going to take the wild one out for her daily training but then, if it is alright with you, I will return home to rest,” Jinki said. His appearance expressing the necessity more than his words.

“That’s fine, Jinki-ah. I will have the others take care of your assignments for the day,” Joonha assured him.

“Thank you hyung,” Jinki responded. Joonha was a good stable manager, guiding the crew with a stern but even hand. It was always hard when they were short a helper in the stables and Jinki always felt a little guilty about it, but he knew he was useless in his current state. There had been countless times over the years that Jinki had had to pick up the slack because another stable hand had spent the night dealing with a sick horse or helping with the birth of a new foal. It was simply how things worked.

“Oh and Jinki, one more thing,” Joonha said, the faintest quirk of his head drew Jinki’s eye to see Miss Gwiboon entering the stables.

“Oh gods above, why today?” Jinki muttered but his lips turned up into an involuntary smile.

“You’d better hurry, she won’t hesitate to give you a good tongue lashing if you keep her waiting,” the elder replied, eyes dancing with mirth. Jinki nodded with a huff, setting off at a quick pace to catch up with the noble woman. 

“M’lady, isn’t it a bit cold for a ride today?” Jinki asked to catch her attention as he fell in step beside her.

“Oh! Jinki!” She exclaimed, surprised by his presence but then she smiled, really smiled, and Jinki’s breath seemed to catch in his throat. He had grown accustomed to her cold exterior, her words laced with poison and her face hardened with anger. He still wasn’t used to seeing her smile, and definitely not at him. After their past encounters, Jinki was starting to realize how different Miss Gwiboon really was from the painted mask she wore for the sake of prying eyes. “Yes I suppose it’s a bit chilly today but I have missed my Cheonsa.”

“Ay, I see. Shall I go prepare him for you?”

“Jinki, don’t take this as offense but you look dreadful,” Miss Gwiboon remarked, frowning as her dark eyes studied him.

Jinki chuckled in response, “Ay, I am aware. I haven’t a wink of sleep yet, m’lady. A mare foaled last night so I have been at the stables.”

“A foal?” Gwiboon repeated, the information piquing her interest.

“Yes, m’lady. A colt.”

“May I see him?” She asked, after a pause, biting her lip as if she were nervous to make such a request.

“Right now? I suppose so. It’s best not to interact with the mother or baby for a few days though, so we cannot get too close,” Jinki cautioned, leading her down the aisle towards a quieter part of the stables. 

Gwiboon nodded in understanding, excitement bleeding into her movements as they got closer and closer to the stall. Jinki gently slid the door open, revealing the new mother and baby. Gwiboon let out a squeal of happiness at the little thing, a dark chestnut color with four identical white socks and a small, off-center star in its forehead. He was up, trying to get used to his spindly legs and the mother was looking healthier by the minute. Jinki couldn’t help but chuckle at the Miss Gwiboon’s response. It was difficult to believe she was known for her icy stare when he was watching her coo over a new foal, her face alight with tenderness.

“Oh gods, he is so cute,” she exclaimed. 

Jinki laughed again, finding he couldn’t help but enjoy this side of Miss Gwiboon. “Well you will have to visit again in a few days. Once they get settled you are more than welcome to play with the little thing.” He assured her. It was good for the colt to be socialized and comfortable around new people.

“Oh I’d like that very much. I’ve always enjoyed foaling season,” Her tone wistful, sinking off into her own memories. Jinki nodded in understanding, stifling a yawn as he leaned against the support beam next to her. “Jinki, are you alright?” She asked.

Jinki turned to look at her, surprised to find her dark eyes looking at him in genuine worry rather than enjoying the newborn colt like she wanted to. Jinki forced a small smile, “I’ll be fine Miss. Since I worked all night I’m being allowed to go home early today. I only have a little to finish here before I am free to return home and rest. Are you finished, m’lady? I can go prepare your horse now,” Jinki said, trying to shift the topic away from himself.

Miss Gwiboon eyed him warily, “That’s alright. I think you were correct before, it’s far too cold for a ride.”

“M’lady?” Jinki questioned, her flippant words were not quite registering in his brain.

“Are you slow in the head? I do not wish to ride today,” she snapped, rolling her eyes in annoyance. “Honestly, I worry about the state of the palace if the servants are all so simple-minded. Amazing the place doesn’t burn down!” She continued to mutter under her breath as she walked away, not sparing a glance back at Jinki. 

He continued to stare a little dumbfounded after her; did she just cancel her ride for the day because of him? Sure, he was tired, but he could manage to tack a horse just fine. She really was a strange noble, Jinki thought to himself, a smile tugging at his lips.

~~~

Jinki arrived at the stables the next morning well-rested and glad to see that everything had been taken care of in his absence. The new colt was doing well, growing more confident with his legs and the mare was practically glowing in her newfound motherhood. There was something about seeing a new life come into the world; the wonder and awe of it all. It warmed his heart. Even now, he couldn't muster up the slightest bit of resentment for the loss of sleep he had suffered. And really, the colt was simply adorable as he teetered around on his spindly legs and nibbled at everything in his stall in curiosity. With reluctance, Jinki closed the stall door, going back to his work for the day even though he would much rather forget his duties for a bit and play with the little thing. 

It was just passed noonday when he was interrupted from his duties by a sharp whistle that sank an octave before going back up. He couldn't have fought back the smile even if he had wanted to. Joon was here. 

He dropped the brush in was using into a bucket, barely containing himself long enough to latch the door behind himself before he was racing off to find his friend. 

"Jinki! There you are! I've looked near everywhere for you!" Joon called, pulling him into a comfortable hug. 

"Joon. You look well. Come, come. Sit. We have much to talk about," Jinki said, the smile never leaving his face. While he enjoyed Joon’s company, he was equally excited to hear news of his family. 

"Ay, we do."

"What word does my family send? My mother? She is well?" The words seemed to tumble off of Jinki’s lips. Correspondence between himself and his family was slow, Joon only making it to the palace a few times a year and Jinki felt starved for information.

"They are fine. Seojin talks of nothing but the wedding and she is absolutely glowing with happiness. She sends her love and says she understands that you cannot make it. She says there will be no grudge held against you if you send a sizable gift in your stead." Jinki laughed heartily along with Joon. That did sound like his sister. They were near in age so he had always been closer with her than his younger siblings. Consequently, she seemed to understand him more than the rest of his family. "Seoyoung is growing like a weed. She's also smart as a whip; she began her studies under the town healer and is learning a great deal. She sent along a small jar of salve for you, says to use it on muscle aches. And your mother is as spry as ever. She thanks you for the painting and says your skills are improving. She is also working on a new quilt for you and promises it will be ready by my next visit."

"And Jinhwan? What of him? Is he still working the fields?" Jinki asked.

"Ay, but the harvest is near all brought in. He will be out of work soon which is weighing heavily on him," Joon informed him, his eyes avoided Jinki's.

"What is it?" Jinki asked, a lead weight seemed to drop into the pit of his stomach. He could feel the shift between them, there was news, big news, that Joon was reluctant to tell him. 

"I don't want to worry you needlessly but... there are whispers of war with the east and Jinhwan is at an age where such things look like adventures," Joon said softly, his words heavy with meaning.

"No..." Jinki breathed. His heart seemed to stutter in his chest as Joon’s words settled inside him.

"We must put our hope in the king. A friend of mine runs the courier route for the military camp stationed near the border. Peaceful negotiations are in progress so we just have to keep hope," Joon promised him.

"And if we still go to war?" Jinki asked.

"I--"

"Say it," Jinki demanded, steeling himself for what was to come.

"Jinhwan made it no secret that he plans to join the efforts if it comes to that." Joon answered gently. Jinki's head dropped, his fingers threading through his hair in frustration. "I am sorry, Jinki. I shall do my best to talk him down in your stead." Jinki nodded in understanding. Grateful and bitter all at once. The news only made him miss his family even more and angry at himself that there was nothing he could do. His little brother... a soldier? No. He couldn't allow that to happen. They had lost their father to death. His family had lost him to a far away city. He would not let his mother and sisters endure yet another loss. He wouldn't take that chance. 

"Thank you, Joon."

"Do not thank me. Your mother treats me like her own son and I consider you of my blood. I am just sorry I couldn't bring happier news today. I must go now but I still stop by in the morning if you have things to send?" Joon said, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Jinki knew it hurt his friend to bring such a bleak prospect to taint their meeting.

"Ay, I do. See you tomorrow, friend," Jinki sighed, as Joon left him with his thoughts. While he always worried about his family, he was unfamiliar with the feelings of terror and helplessness that Joon’s words had uncovered within him. He could do nothing but allow the concerns to take over his mind as he considered what the future held for his brother, for his family. 


	8. Chapter 8

Jinki’s mind was a tangled mess ever since Joon’s visit. The stables buzzed with activity, his attention being pulled in all directions but he couldn’t think beyond his family and his brother. He could feel the concerned looks being thrown his way from Joonha and Taemin but he couldn’t talk about it with them. Taemin was barely more than a child, Jinki couldn’t burden him with such worries and Joonha was so busy with preparations for the harvest festival, it would be unfair of Jinki to pull his attention away. There wasn’t much to tell anyway. It would be months before Joon returned to the palace, it would be months before he heard news of his family, his brother. All Jinki could do was try to put it from his mind and focus on the tasks at hand. However, putting it from his mind was easier said than done.

Despite Jinki’s internal turmoil, it was a pleasant day out. The air was cool but comfortable when he took Nari out for an afternoon ride. He struggled to remain focused as he worked the mare in the practice fields, his heart simply not in his work and the mare could sense it. She pawed and fidgeted with nervous energy until Jinki finally gave up on the endeavor entirely. The mare pranced when Jinki turned off of their usual route back to the stables and instead, took a meandering path towards the river. He wasn’t ready to head back just yet, and instead allowed himself time he didn’t have to get his thoughts in order. He found a comfortable little spot under a large willow tree along the river bank that provided shade and seclusion and decided to rest there. He pulled off Nari’s bridle and loosened her girth, allowing her to graze while he settled under the tree, slipping deep into his thoughts as he watched the fish pick flies off the surface of the slow moving river.

He tried not to rehash the same thoughts of his brother but it was a dark cloud over his life. The setting was peaceful, the wind rustled through the trees and the gentle slide of water across stone was a soothing melody but he could scarcely enjoy it in his current mindset. The feeling of utter helplessness was new to Jinki. He had tossed and turned all night long, thoughts of his family remaining in the surface of his mind no matter what he was doing. It was overwhelming and stressful. He didn’t know how long he sat there, only pulling out of his thoughts at the sound of footsteps.

“Jinki?” 

He glanced up, the branches of the willow swayed in the breeze around Gwiboon, her face pulled up into a small frown. He hadn’t heard her ride up and based on her confusion, it wasn’t the first time she’d called to him. 

“Good afternoon, m’lady,” He said, sitting up straighter against the tree trunk.

“And you,” She responded, her frown deepening. “May I join you?”

“If you wish, m’lady,” Jinki said. He knew it wasn’t considered proper for the two of them to be alone like this but they were far from the palace and he welcomed a distraction to his blackened thoughts. 

“This is beautiful,” She commented as she settled beneath the canopy of the tree and seating herself on a protruding rock that was a comfortable distance away. The sunlight flitted through the leaves, dancing across the grass and the wind sang a soft song as it swayed the branches. The branches of the willow hung down into the grass, enveloping them in its comfort and closing them off from the world.

Jinki nodded his agreement. He didn’t quite know where they stood with each other. The last time they had been alone together was the carriage when station was all but ignored. It felt presumptuous and improper to assume that was how they should interact with each other now but it also felt stiff and cold to talk to her as he would in the stables. There was a tension between them that Jinki didn’t know how to break, didn’t know if he wanted to break. 

“Jinki, is… is something the matter?” She asked, her attention focused on him.

“What do you mean, mlady?” Jinki responded, looking up to find genuine concern behind her eyes.

“You seem very far away today. Like you mind is elsewhere. I called to you many times but you didn’t seem to notice,” she explained. 

Jinki sighed, “I’m sorry. Tis nothing for you to worry about, m’lady.” 

“Do you not wish to tell me?” She asked, her tone curious rather than accusatory. 

“It isn’t that, m’lady. I don’t wish to burden you with my troubles.” While he knew that worrying over his brother would produce no results, he couldn’t make himself stop. It was all his mind would focus on. His thoughts felt like poison inside him, tainting everything and robbing him of his joy. 

“Jinki… tell me?” She offered, soft and gentle. 

He glanced over, seeing sincere concern painted across her face. Something about the way she looked at him made him ache. It was as if she really cared about his troubles, as if she really cared about him. She was the Gwiboon from the night in the carriage, honest and vulnerable. He felt his resolve crack. “I-- I heard news of my family recently. My brother is-- he plans to join the army.” 

“Oh…” Gwiboon frowned. “I see. Well, is that such a terrible thing? The army could provide him with a future and a large enough purse to start a family.” She explained, trying to paint a brighter picture than Jinki’s mind had.

Jinki stifled a snort in response. He should have known better. Miss Gwiboon was from a different world, she simply didn’t understand. “M’lady… forgive me if my words are cold but you seem ignorant of the impending war with the east and I doubt very much that you have ever seen a battlefield. I'd wager you have never even seen an army man outside of some rich general that danced with you at a party. Joining the army… going to war, it would mean something very different for my brother, for my family.” He tried to keep the annoyance out of his tone but his words still came out clipped. Sometimes he forgot how young she was, how sheltered. While nobles saw war as a chance to make a name for themselves, to climb the social ladder and secure a future… war as a commoner was the worst fate Jinki could imagine. There was no prestige, no future for a commoner. He didn’t know which was a worse fate… dying in battle or living to remember one. 

“I think my words were unintentionally offensive, I apologize,” Gwiboon said. “I do have little understanding of war outside of books and palace pleasantries. I spoke too freely.” She looked down at her hands, her cheeks pink with embarrassment. 

“Tis alright, m’lady,” Jinki responded, the annoyance bleeding out of him as quickly as it came on. “I shouldn’t be short with you, I’m afraid I'm not myself today.” 

“Would you tell me your concerns?” She asked. “I don’t understand but I… I’d like to try.” There was a vulnerability in her eyes that tugged at something deep in Jinki’s heart. It softened him to see her trying to understand, to glimpse his world. Miss Gwiboon was being nothing but kind to him and in return Jinki had called her ignorant. The idea that he could say such a thing in front of a noble was preposterous! What was it about her that seemed to tear down his carefully crafted walls? 

“You are correct that joining the army comes with the promise of a healthy purse. However, few commoners live to see the end of a war. The ones that do use their coins to forget what they lived through. My father… he was a small child that last time war was fought on our country's soil. He was much too young to fight but his memories from that time haunted him his whole life. I wouldn’t dare repeat such stories to a lady… just know that a battlefield, the things done during war… it is worse than anything you could imagine.” He paused, remembering the tortured look in his father’s eye whenever the subject of war was brought up. Jinki remembered a man from his village, a vagabond that was missing an arm. While most in the village despised the man, sneering as he begged beside the road only to use his coins at the local tavern, Jinki’s father had always had kind words for the man. It wasn’t until Jinki was much older that he understood the situation, understood his father’s sympathy and the beggars struggles. “If my brother goes to war, he won’t be a general, he won’t ride a stallion into battle, he won’t spend his time dancing with pretty noble women at parties. He will be at the front lines armed with little more than a pitchfork. He would be the pawn, merely one of many and he would be left just another unknown body to fertilize the battle field,” Jinki’s voice trailed off into a whisper. 

“Oh Jinki,” Gwiboon sighed, a gentle hand placed against his arm, a comfort he didn’t realize he needed until the warmth of her touch worked to soothe a little of the fear and pain that coiled inside of him. Jinki didn’t allow himself to cry, he would not mourn his brother while he was still alive and well. But he could feel the tears inside him, welling up. He’d missed watching is brother grow up, one of the many sacrifices he’d made, and now he must consider a future where he’d never see his brother again. It was a cruel fate, to keep them separated for so long, to keep them separated forever.

“I know dying in battle is touted as an honor but that is little comfort to the broken families left behind. There is no honor in dying a slow painful death far from home for someone else’s war.” He fell into silence, putting it into words had taken much from him. As if speaking it aloud made the possibility more real. He knew the chances of seeing his brother again should Jinhwan go off into battle were neglidgeable. Jinki had never been much of a religious man but he began praying with ernest since he’d heard the news. 

“I am sorry, Jinki. I didn’t realize… it has been many years since you’ve seen you brother? That must make it all the more difficult to bear,” She said softly. Jinki only nodded in response. 

They fell into silence but there was a comfort in sharing his concerns, in having another by his side. It made him long for his family in a different way, desiring the comfort of someone he was close to and the security of coming home to someone he loved. The familiar stab of loneliness ached inside him. 

Jinki noticed her hand still pressing a warm comfort into his arm and it pulled a thin smile from him. “Thank you, m’lady. I’m sorry to trouble you but I feel more calm after speaking of it.” 

Gwiboon smiled softly, “No need to apologize. Have you considered going home to visit?” She asked. “I know you mentioned before that it was difficult but perhaps in such circumstances…” 

“I’m not sure what use it would be,” He admitted. “I haven’t seen my brother since he was six years of age. I doubt he remembers me and I doubt even more that he would listen to my concerns.” His brother was eight and ten now, he was a man in his own right but very much still a boy. It was a dangerous age; Jinki remembered how invincible he felt back then as well. Reason and concern were not things that would easily sway Jinhwan. Despite how much he may want to rush home, the palace be damned, he knew there was no point. Winter had nearly set in, it would be an impossible journey and he would be unable to return until the snow had all thawed. He could never be away for that long, their livelihood depended on his wages. 

“You mustn't think like that,” Gwiboon said. “Perhaps your brother is trying to do his part to assist your family, much like you have done by coming to the palace.”

Jinki sighed, he could hear the truth in her words. While he didn’t know his brother as a man, everything he’d heard about the boy rang true. He’d worked odd and end jobs since he was old enough to walk. He’d worked the fields since he was three and ten. The boy did a lot for the family in Jinki’s absence and it was not unlikely that his decision to join the army stemmed from the same sense of duty. “I came to the palace so my siblings would never have to make such a sacrifice,” Jinki said softly, pain seeping into his voice. 

“I… I am not sure what words to say,” Gwiboon sighed. 

Jinki sighed, forcing a smile, “You have done more than enough, m’lady. I’m sorry you stumbled upon me in such a state.”

She nodded but said nothing.

“M’lady, you should return to your ride,” Jinki suggested, pulling himself up and offering her a hand. They had both been gone too long.

“Yes, I’ll be expected at the palace soon,” She said. They stepped out from under the canopy of the willow tree and the weight of reality settled on his shoulders once again. Spending time with Miss Gwiboon had felt like a reprieve from his life and daily burdens and now he must pick them back up and continue on.

Jinki ensured Cheonsa’s saddle was secure before helping Miss Gwiboon mount. “Thank you,” he said again, looking up at her.

She smiled softly, “You’re welcome.” 

Jinki watched her ride away, his world still feeling off kilter but he felt more calm, more at peace than he had before. 


	9. Chapter 9

The harvest festival was only a few days away and Jinki had plenty of work to do in preparation. On top of his usual workload, they needed to prepare every stall in the stables for the influx of people that would begin arriving. The harvest festival was a three day event and people traveled from all over to join the capital in celebrations. There would be food and merchants from all over as well as competitions for all to enjoy. The festival ended with an extravagant ball at the palace for the noble class. For the common folk, the taverns would be filled with music and dancing and enough ale to knock out a horse. Jinki wouldn’t get to partake in much of the festivities due to his position, the additional horses in the stables and the constant flow of nobles in and out of the grounds would keep all of the stable hands on their toes for the duration of the festival. However, he and the other stable hands always managed to steal a few hours to enjoy the festival, despite the workload.

Jinki tried to stay out of his own head and away from worries of his brother by keeping himself busy. He trained the wild one with a renewed vigor and the horse progressing marvelously. He had just started the process of getting the mare accustomed to wearing a saddle on her back. She threw a slight fit the first day, bucking her back feet in annoyance as he had her run on the lead but she settled down quick enough. It would take some more work before she accepted the uncomfortable saddle, and eventually a rider, but she was getting better by the day. 

Jinki also had the pleasure of watching the new colt get stronger and feistier as he grew. He was like a weed, getting bigger almost over night but he was strong and had the makings of a fine horse. His toothpick legs no longer shaky and unsure beneath him, rather he frolicked around, testing out their limits. He was bright eyed and curious about everyone and everything. Jinki made it a point to interact with the new foal every day, getting him used to people and being handled so that he would be easier to manage and train once he was older. It was an easy and enjoyable job since the new foal was an affectionate little creature, nuzzling into Jinki every chance he could.

Despite his emotional turmoil, his life seemed to be falling back into its routine once again until Miss Gwiboon finally came by the stables, disrupting his day like only she could. 

“Jinki! There you are!”

“Ah, welcome, m’lady,” Jinki smiled. It had been a few days and even in that brief time, he realized he'd missed seeing her around the stables.

“I wish to go for a ride, prepare my horse.”

“Ay, m’lady. Would you like to see the colt first?” Jinki asked.

“Yes, I would like that,” She responded, a genuine smile pulling at her lips, both of them starting to understand each other a bit better with each interaction. 

Jinki loosened the saddle strap on his horse, giving the animal a bit of a breather while he went out to help Miss Gwiboon. The horse would be fine for the time being. He latched the stall, leading her down the long aisle to the area that he had the mother and baby housed. The small colt threw his head over the door, not quite tall enough for it to be comfortable but the little thing seemed to have heard their footsteps and was forever curious. He let out a little nicker of happiness at the sight of Jinki, pawing at the door in agitation when Jinki didn’t come in and instead leaned over the door with Miss Gwiboon. Jinki rubbed the little one’s face affectionately, capturing the horse’s attention long enough for Miss Gwiboon to pet him without startling him. 

“He’s beautiful,” She murmured, her fingers tracing over the white star on his forehead. 

“He is. Comes from good stock too, he’s going to be a fine horse one day,” Jinki replied, rubbing his hand over the velvety soft skin of the colt’s muzzle. 

The two of them stood in companionable silence, neither mentioned their talk by the river. It seemed they were both growing comfortable keeping each other’s secrets. They both watch the colt before them as he sniffed and nuzzled at Miss Gwiboon, taking in her smell. Jinki was shaken out of his bubble by the sudden sound of a stall door slamming shut and he realized just how close they were standing, just how intimate the moment might look to others. He jumped back, bowing out of habit, “m’lady, are you ready for that ride?”

She nodded.

Jinki led the way to the proper stall, he began his routine of preparing the gelding for a ride. He didn’t think much about it, the whole process so ingrained into his muscles that it took no conscious effort on his part before the horse was saddled and ready to go. Without any prompting, Jinki untied the rope and led the animal to the mounting block, waiting for Miss Gwiboon to mount.

"Thank you, Jinki," She said simply.

Jinki muttered a polite greeting in response as he watched her ride off alone before he set off to finish preparing his mount that had been left alone for far too long. Once the horse was prepared, he set off for his own ride.

The air was crisp and fresh, the recent rain bringing out the strong aroma of pine as the fallen needles were crushed beneath the horses hooves. He allowed the horse to wander, simply enjoying the rare day of fair weather and taking in the sunshine and picturesque hills alight with the colors of fall that rose up behind the palace. His thoughts were broken by the soft sound of a horse approaching from behind. He pulled up his mount, turning to look over his shoulder only to have a bright smile pulled from his lips as Miss Gwiboon came riding up towards him.

“Hello again, Jinki,” She commented, falling in step beside him.

“Good afternoon. I thought m’lady enjoyed riding alone,” Jinki responded, the two of them seamlessly falling into their pseudo friendship. It felt so odd and yet he enjoyed every moment of it. He had never in his life felt so at ease in the presence of a noble. It was a new feeling, making him giddy as he smiled like a damn fool before her.

“Only because I’ve yet to find company I enjoy more than solitude,” She responded, her smile making Jinki’s heart flip flop in his chest. Did that mean that she viewed his presence as better than being alone? He felt strange at just how much he liked that idea. 

Jinki got a mischievous smile on his face, his eyebrow quirking in interest, “M’lady? Fancy a race?”

Her laugh was loud, carefree and anything but delicate. Jinki felt a sense of pride that he was able to pull such a genuine yet effortless response from her.

“Yes Jinki, I think I would like that very much. However, first we must even the playing field,” She said, a mischievous smile of her own. 

“M’lady?”

Miss Gwiboon didn’t grace his question with a response, rather leading her mount towards the entrance to the woods, sliding from the high side saddle with practiced grace. Her nimble fingers immediately working the straps to pull the saddle off while Jinki watched in confusion and wonder. He had already known that she untacked her mount while she was out by herself but he had yet to understand why. He kept quiet, knowing that she would reveal the answer in due time.

“If you would… ummm… turn around,” Miss Gwiboon mumbled, an uncertain look flashing in her eyes and her cheeks flushed pink. 

Jinki raised an eyebrow in surprise, picking apart her strange request as he obliged, circling his horse and staring off at the long meadow before them that dipping off into a deep valley. His eyes were trained forward but his ears were on high alert, picking up every rustle of fabric behind him.

“Alright, you may turn,” She announced, standing rather sheepishly before him. 

Jinki turned around to see her looking much like she had before except that her horse was bareback, her saddle sat unceremoniously on the ground and her stark white bloomers were thrown on top. His eyebrows knitted in confusion before she sighed, her insecurities melting away as her usual short patience bled into her actions and tone. 

“I can’t very well race riding side saddle, now can I? And I can’t very well ride like a man without the proper attire, now can I?” She lifted her skirts, exposing up to her calf to reveal a pair of men’s britches, a tan colored twill that hugged her legs. 

Jinki stared in shock, his brain processing so slow he feared it might have stopped. He was on a ride with a noble woman who was wearing men's clothes with the intention of riding bareback. He would sooner believe that the grass was blue than what his eyes were telling him right now.

Miss Gwiboon giggling at his expression is what pulled him from his shock and lifted his jaw up off of his chest.

“So that is how you knew Taemin had made a mistake that first day? And that is why you always unsaddle your horse while you are out? Because you prefer riding bareback?” Jinki asked, all the confusing events finally lining up with clarity. 

“It’s difficult to really ride sitting sideways on a horse. Horribly uncomfortable those side saddles,” She responded, climbing up on a stump and swinging her leg over the horse without an ounce of shame. She was very practiced at this, her stance perfect even without a saddle and her knees guiding the horse rather than relying on the reins. Jinki couldn’t help but be impressed. He wasn’t sure if even he would have so much control over a beast while riding bareback. “Now about that race,” Miss Gwiboon started, trailing off but a suggestive quirk to her lips. 

Jinki laughed, letting his thoughts melt away, accepting the woman before him for what she wanted to be at the moment. She wanted a race and a race she shall have. “Alright m’lady, to that far knoll and back?” He suggested, waiting for her approval. 

She nodded, a smile permanent on her lips as they lined the horses up. The animals could sense the excitement, prancing and shaking their heads in impatience. 

“Ready and…. GO!”

The two of them took off, Jinki’s horse pulling to have full use of its head as Jinki crouched low in the saddle, his heels sinking and his backside lifting out of the seat. His heart seemed to get lighter with each step, his worries melting away and his mind clearing as the wind rushed through his hair. It was fun in an effortless way to race without any purpose other than enjoyment. As the knoll approached, Jinki had to slow his mount in order to make the turn, finding Miss Gwiboon right along beside him and unfortunately for him, making a far better turn on her mount than he. She overtook him with ease, her horse sprinting ahead at the straight stretch between him and the finish line. Jinki couldn’t seem to keep the smile off his face despite the fact that he was losing. He gave his horse full rein and the beast stretching out into an extended gallop, closing the gap between them. However, even with a faster mount, Jinki simply didn’t have enough distances to overtake Miss Gwiboon before the finish line was upon them.

She let out a whoop of excitement, sitting back hard and pulling the horse to circle around in order to slow him, a smile of pure pleasure alighting her face. Jinki followed suit, the two of them easing the horses down before dismounting.

“That was some impressive riding, m’lady,” Jinki commented as he tied their mounts to a nearby tree, the two of them sitting down in the grass to rest from their race.

“Thank you. You would have bested me if it wasn’t for that turn though,” she responded, a modest blush on her cheeks but she still held that happy smile on her face, her hair windblown and tangled. Jinki couldn’t help but mirror her expression; he hadn’t had that much fun in a long time, even if he just lost.

“True, but still, you were even riding bareback. If the stakes had been truly even, you would have still won,” Jinki commented. “I’ve never in all my years seen anyone ride bareback with such skill and never in all my years have I seen a woman in britches.”

Gwiboon laughed in response, “In my younger years I was considered quite wild. I wore britches under my dresses constantly. It must be hard to believe by looking at me now, but as a child cared not a wit for dresses or parties. I loved horses more than life itself and spent my every waking moment in the barns.” 

“And? What changed?” Jinki asked, wanting to hear more about Miss Gwiboon and her life. 

“As I got older I was forced to become a ‘lady’ and do away with such inappropriate interests. While I was accommodating about becoming a proper lady, learning embroidery and etiquette; I never lost my interest in horses and it became a secret past time for me. My rebellion if you will,” Miss Gwiboon recalled her past with a soft smile, the words flowing uninhibited. 

“Miss Gwiboon, do not take offense but you are truly the strangest noble I have ever encountered,” Jinki finally uttered, speaking the thoughts that had been on his mind since the first time he had met Miss Gwiboon. 

She laughed loudly and carefree, amused by his words, “Is that so?”

“Yes m’lady, it is,” Jinki affirmed. 

“Is that a bad thing?” She questioned.

“Far from it. I much prefer it,” Jinki said. A comfortable silence fell between them, Jinki breaking it with a soft whisper. “Miss Gwiboon?”

“Yes?” She hummed lazily, her eyes fluttering as if she was hovering somewhere between awake and dozing. 

“Thank you… for the other day. The willow tree. I feel more calm after sharing my concerns.” 

“You are very welcome, Jinki. Perhaps you do not realize how I've shared my own burdens with you. You have been someone I can talk to here at the palace and it has helped ease some of my loneliness; I wanted to return the favor,” her eyelids fluttered open, a soft smile pulled at her lips.

Why did you pick me?” Jinki questioned.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Why did you pick me as the stable hand allowed to handle your mount? Why did you pick me as someone you could trust? Could talk to? Just… why me?” Jinki knew it was a silly question but it had been nagging at him for weeks. He was a stablehand! He wasn’t anyone special or important. Why had this noblewoman taken such notice of him? Why had she befriended him? 

“Well… you were the first stable hand to show any competence for one. Also, my Cheonsa here isn’t fond of anyone but myself. He has a bad habit of nipping or head butting anyone who gets too close. However, he is calm with you. You have a gift with horses, Jinki. And I trust my horse’s instincts, so if he trusts you, I trust you. It may seem childish but it was a good choice as you have proved yourself to be worthy of that trust,” Gwiboon said, her words simple but honest.

“I’m glad. While it is odd for me to think, let alone say, I feel similar. I’ve never encountered a noble who I felt I could speak to without fear of consequences. I don’t think m’lady knows how terrified I was that day in the woods. You also proved your trustworthiness to me that day as well and I am grateful,” Jinki told her.

“Well there wasn’t very much I could do about it, even if I had wanted to. The shame. Being caught in the woods by a stable boy without my bloomers on? How would I ever explain it?” She tutted, a soft flush gracing her cheeks at the memory of such embarrassment. 

“M’lady, few nobles would have felt the need for honesty in such a situation,” Jinki muttered.

“Whatever do you mean?” Gwiboon questioned, confusion in her eyes and Jinki was once again reminded how young and innocent she really was. 

“I fear m’lady might be too naive for life in the palace. I am a commoner and you a noble. Any accusation made against me would have been met with harsh consequences. You could have accused me of anything and it would have been so,” Jinki’s tone suggested something far darker than the reality of what happened that day. 

“That’s… that is simply preposterous! No one would believe me if I made such a heinous accusation. You are far too gentlemanly,” Gwiboon responded rather hotly, once she understood what Jinki was getting at. 

Jinki’s smile was tinged with bitterness, “M’lady, no one needs to believe you. Truth is irrelevant when it comes to scuffles between the classes.” 

Miss Gwiboon went silent, letting his words melt around them, “I guess I never thought about such things in that way. That is awful.”

“That, m’lady, is life.”

“Reality of life or not, it is still awful,” she argued.

Jinki laid back in the grass, listening to the wind rustle around them and the clouds lazily sliding across the cerulean blue sky. The quiet sounds of nature were calming and the presence of Miss Gwiboon was comforting rather than invasive. He didn’t know how much time slipped passed but he knew it was already too much. With a small sigh, Jinki pulled himself into a sitting position, looking down at the woman beside him with a gentle smile, her eyes closed, but her breathing suggested she was very much awake. “Miss, I think it is time we head back,” Jinki whispered, effectively pulling her from her daze. 

Her eyelids fluttered open, nodding in understanding as she too sat up. 

“Thank you for today, Jinki. I am not well liked at the palace so I fear you and Cheonsa are the only ones I can consider friends,” She smiled rather shyly up at him. He knew the words must have cost a bounty of her pride to utter.

“Ay, I am flattered, m’lady. It has been my experience that being a noble at the palace is very much a game. You seem to be playing your part well however, that doesn’t lend well towards friendship. Genuine beings are few and far between around these parts,” he’d had years to watch the noble’s dance around each other, Gwiboon’s feelings were more common than she realized. 

Miss Gwiboon nodded in agreement, “Well, no matter,” she shrugged, “I have met few nobles here I would want to spend time with. Horrible. Just horrible. The conversation is so dull. Always talk of dresses, parties and which bachelor has the most money. Exhausting just to listen to.”

Jinki laughed, “I know little of such things but I do not envy you. I much prefer the quiet life myself. The horses create little fuss.” She smiled in response. Jinki stood up and offered her a hand. “Shall I saddle your horse, m’lady?” 

“Of course! What else would you do?” she responded, her tone filled with fake attitude that only made Jinki laugh harder. “Do not turn around, I must change again,” She said as Jinki approached the horses.

“Ay, m’lady,” Jinki responded, going about retacking her horse while keeping his thoughts far away from what she was doing behind him. She came up beside him, giving her horse a loving pat before going about stowing her britches in her saddlebag. 

“You go ahead Jinki, I expect my stable boy to be waiting for me after all,” She said, that playful quirk of her lips doing strange things to Jinki’s heart once again.

“Of course, m’lady. Tales of Miss Gwiboon’s temper have spread far and wide throughout the palace; I would hate to be on the receiving end of such wrath,” Jinki smiled. He swung himself into the saddle to the sound of her boisterous laughter. “G’day, m’lady.”

“Ay,” she called, still chuckling to herself as he rode away. 


	10. Chapter 10

The week of the festival arrived and Jinki was at his wits end. He arrived each morning at dawn and got as much work in as he could before daylight took hold. In addition to his usual workload, the stable hands were making accommodations for the flood of nobles and their carriages that made their way to the palace grounds. Everyone from dukes and lords to barons and knights were making the trek to the city. It was the event of the year and anyone who was anyone would be there. It was a week of madness and mayhem as they cleaned and prepared every single stall they had while Joonha struggled to keep some semblance of order in the stables. It wouldn't do to forget which horse belonged to which lord after all. Already Jinki felt like he hadn't slept in days, the workload never ceasing. He was finding less and less time to check on the new foal; not that the pair needed much attention now as both were healthy and happy. Likewise, his sessions with the wild one had halted until after the festival and he hadn't even been on a ride all week. He opted instead to simply put the horses out to pasture for a few hours. There wasn't much he could do about it though, there was simply too much work and not enough workers.

Despite the tiring workload, the harvest festival was a joyous time for everyone. The city came together to celebrate the year, to feast on the fruits of their labor and drink themselves silly before the winter set in. Most nobles arrived early and stayed for the duration so they could attend the royal ball on the last night of the festival. For Jinki and the other stable hands, this meant a slight reprieve for the stables once the festival was underway. Most all of them took advantage of this by sneaking off to partake in the festivities. 

The first day of the festival was much like the week leading up to it, a never ceasing line of carriages awaited them. It was tiring work and all the stable hands were on their best behavior around the unfamiliar nobles. Jinki barely had a moment to think all day and it was late in the evening before the influx of carriages slowed to a crawl. The younger stable hands set out to enjoy the night but Jinki knew better. He remembered his first harvest festival, and more so, the morning after as he heaved his guts out behind the barns. He was much too old for that now, opting instead to tuck in early and enjoy the festival in the daylight the following day.

~~~

The following morning the stable hands all rushed through their chores, feeding and cleaning as quickly as possible so they could go out and attend the festival for a few hours. They all took turns manning the stables while the others went off to play. Jinki always helped out where he could. Since he didn’t have family or a sweetheart in the city, he always felt a bit selfish taking time during the festival. The other workers needed that time more than he. However this year, Jinki had promised to accompany Taemin to the jousting competition. It was a highlight of the festival, the congregating nobles competing against each other for nothing more than prestige and bragging rights. Normally Jinki helped in preparing the horses for the competition but this year he would be in the stands, cheering along with the crowd.

“Hyung, let’s go!” Taemin whined. “We’re going to miss it!”

“We do have to finish our work first,” he reminded the younger. There were twice as many horses under their care than normal and it took more time than usual to tend to them all but Taemin wasn’t thinking of such things, the boy was just eager to attend the festival.

“I finished, I swear!” 

“Well then help me,” Jinki suggested, handing the younger boy an armful of hay. “I still need to finish off this row,” He pointed to the last few stalls of horses that needed attending to. Taemin shot off like an arrow, dumping armfuls of hay into the managers of each stall. Jinki considered chastising him for his sloppy work, the hay falling all over the aisles but he just shook his instead. The boy was excited and Jinki couldn’t fault him too much for that. 

The morning chores were done in record time, even with the addition of more horses in their stables. All the servants were excited to get to the festival as well, most of the stable hands had come in early and everyone was working with renewed vigor, the promise of an afternoon of fun pushing them on.

“All done!” Taemin shouted from the other end of the stables, dusting hay off of his shirt. Jinki couldn’t help but smile, it was nice to see Taemin so excited. Jinki remembered his younger years when the festival was new and exciting. It was fun to watch Taemin experience it for the first time.

“Alright,” Jinki said. “Let’s go get washed up.” Taemin scurried ahead to the water bucket and nearly spilled half of it in his haste. Jinki chortled. “If you don’t slow down, I’ll make you go fetch more water from the river.” He warned. 

Taemin pouted in response but slowed down enough to clean his hands and face without spilling anymore water. He waited none-too patiently for Jinki to get washed up as well before he was dragged Jinki out to the jousting arena that had been erected for the festival. 

“Isn’t this so excited, hyung?” Taemin was practically vibrating with pent up energy. 

“It’s very excited,” Jinki agreed. It had been years since he’d attended the competition rather than assisting in it. “Why don’t you go find us some seats?” He suggested, letting Taemin go ahead as he stopped at a stand selling roasted nuts. He found Taemin seated at the top row of benches, the competition well underway as the riders took their positions at opposite ends of the row.

The two of them munched on their snack while watching the competition. At each lance that was smashed and rider that was knocked from their mount, Taemin jumped up to cheer with the crowd. It was great fun to watch and he was enjoying Taemin’s company however, Jinki was more distracted by Miss Gwiboon seated on the other side of the arena. While it wasn’t a surprise to see her out and enjoying the festival, it was odd for Jinki to see her outside of the stables. He’d grown accustomed to her presence at the stables and it was jarring to see her outside of that setting. She was dressed to impress and seated beside Lord Jonghyun, the two of them giggling together as they watched the competition. Something about the sight of them together was so right and so wrong and it made something in Jinki twist in a painful way. Jinki tried to focus on the jousting but his eyes kept drifting back to her and for some reason, the sight of them together soured Jinki’s mood for the rest of the day.

~~~

The next evening, the ball at the palace was in full swing, which meant a few hours of peace before the mass exodus of drunken nobles tried to make their way home. He’d spent all day at the stables, keeping things running while Joonha stole a few hours to take his children to see the acrobats and performance tropes in the town square. It had been a long day and Jinki took a moment to breathe. He snuck away, heading towards the barn that housed the mare and foal; he was shamelessly going to hide for a bit. The workload was overwhelming and the mass of people in and out of the stables set him on edge. Rather than getting alone time however, he all but ran into Sir Minho while turning the corner. 

"What are you doing out here, Sir? I believe the ball has begun by now," Jinki commented, a nod in greeting. 

"Ay, I know. Hence why I am here. Nasty thing, those parties. I have no desire to flash my purse nor am I looking for a wife so my presence is not necessary," Minho informed him, tugging at the sleeves of his dress shirt in discomfort. The knight really did look out of place in such formal attire as Jinki was more used to seeing him in his military riding clothes.

Jinki chuckled, glad that Minho hadn't changed much even after being knighted. He was still as honest and down to earth as always; that was why Jinki enjoyed his company. Minho was a good fellow and unnecessarily kind to those beneath him. He always had a gentle word and a friendly smile. However, today Minho looked rather tense, his eyes darting around as if he were waiting for someone to jump out of the woodwork. 

Jinki knew it wasn’t quite appropriate but there wouldn’t be another opportunity to talk to Sir Minho alone and he chose to take advantage of it, the question already posed on his lips. 

“Sir… may I be so bold?” Jinki began. 

“Yes?” Minho said, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. 

“Is there any news from the east? Will we go to war?” Jinki asked.

Minho frowned, “You know any news must go through the king.” 

“I… I have a younger brother who has expressed his desire to join the efforts,” Jinki explained, hoping that would lessen the inappropriateness of his question. “I didn’t mean to put you in a compromising situation, I apologize.” 

Minho softened. “I’m sorry to hear that. There is little I can tell you that you don’t already know. Things are still… tense. There are negotiations in progress but I cannot say as to which way they are leaning,” Minho told him, his pauses and inflection saying far more than his words but Sir Minho was right, it wasn’t anything Jinki hadn’t heard before.   
Jinki nodded, his shoulders falling. “Thank you. Have a good evening, Sir Minho.”

"Ay, you too," Minho said with sincerity. 

Jinki continued on his way, his thoughts running away with him as he scurried through the stables. The festival had been a good distraction from his thoughts. Keeping himself busy left him little time or energy to worry over his brother.

Jinki was so wrapped up in his own mind that he nearly jumped out of his skin to see none other than Miss Gwiboon outside the very door he was heading towards. He almost wanted to laugh… was no one going to this blasted party? Jinki didn't dwell on the thought too long because for the first time, Miss Gwiboon looked out of place in the stables. She was dressed for the ball in a voluptuous gown heavy with layers of fabric and ribbons and lace. Her hair was piled up on top of her head in complicated twists and knots and her face powdered and painted. She looked like someone out of a painting, breathtaking and beautiful.

"M'lady," Jinki greeted, swallowing down the lump in his throat. 

"Oh! Hello Jinki," She said.

"Shouldn’t you be with Lord Jonghyun?" He questioned before he could think better of it. It was not his place to ask and he found he didn’t really want to know the answer. 

"Lord Jonghyun?"

"Nothing, m'lady. Were you not enjoying the ball?" Jinki asked, settling beside her and crossing his arms across the stall door.

She continued to eye him curiously, "I have told you before; I find power rituals of those in my station to be rather dull. I barely made it through the first course before I was ready to put a fork through my own eye. Anything to end the torture."

Jinki smiled, "And you wanted to see the foal?"

She looked a bit sheepish, "If I am allowed."

"What about your dress, m'lady? It will get dirty," Jinki said, stealing another glance.

"It tis but a dress," was her flippant reply.

"A dress worth enough to feel an entire village for the winter," Jinki quipped. 

"You think me so affluent I have no regard for those beneath me?" She asked. 

"No, m'lady," Jinki replied, opening the stall door and motioning her to enter first.

"No, thank you. I wouldn't want my dress to be sullied," She remarked with a tinge of sarcasm.

Jinki bit back a smile, "Whatever you say, m'lady."

"And now you treat me as if I am vain!" She cried, throwing up her hands in dismay.

Jinki outright laughed this time, "I have said no such thing!"

She huffed in annoyance, "I might as well have stayed at the damn party."

"M'lady, I only jest. I will do whatever you wish," Jinki assured her. 

"Open the door you scoundrel,” she growled, gathering up her mountainous dress and hiking it up to her stocking-clad knees, glaring at Jinki as if daring him to comment.

Jinki opened the stall without a word, watching her stroll inside with her head high. He followed in after, closing the door behind them. Jinki hung back, leaning against the door to watch as she forgot all about her fabricated attitude, dropping her dress in favor or patting the colt. The animal was a curious creature, approaching her without fear to sniff at the ruffles of her dress, bringing the brightest smile to her face.

“Here, m’lady,” Jinki said, digging into his pocket and pulling out a small piece of carrot he’d swiped from the kitchens earlier that day. “The foal is still a bit too young for it but the mare is starved for attention.”

“Well that just won’t do!” She said, taking the treat from his hand and approaching the mare, “Have you been neglected big girl? No one cares about you now that the baby is here, huh?” She cooed, stroking the animal’s long nose with affection.

“You really care for horses, don’t you?” Jinki asked. Being around the animals always seemed to bring out a softer side of Miss Gwiboon.

“Ay, I told you so before,” she responded.

“That you did.”

“Whose beast is she?” She asked, scratching the mare’s jaw as the horse munched on the carrot.

“Baron Lee. Lives by the eastern wall. She was bred of the King’s stallion so the colt is worth more than the Baron’s whole estate. It was deemed best that the two remain here until the colt is old enough to be separated,” Jinki informed her.

“It makes sense, I suppose. What will happen to them?” She asked, but Jinki suspected she already knew the answer. 

“The mare will go back to the Baron and the colt will be trained and sold or perhaps kept as a stud,” Jinki answered. It was hard to imagine the colt in front of him growing into a stallion and leaving these grounds. Jinki always grew attached, even when he knew the horse was only in the stables for a short period of time.

“He will be a fine horse someday. Will you get to train him?” She asked, rubbing a soothing path up and down the planes of the mare’s face.

“That he will but it will not be my doing. He is worth more than my life. One of the palace trainers will be entrusted with him,” Jinki told her.

“Not your doing? You cared for the mare throughout her pregnancy and you have cared for him since the day he dropped. He is as gentle as a lamb and the mare is showing no signs of aggression even with a stranger. That is entirely your doing,” she argued. 

“M’lady, you think too highly of me. I merely do my job,” Jinki said, hanging his head in embarrassment at her praise. His efforts at the stable were rarely noticed or acknowledged by any other than Joonha, he didn’t quite know how to accept such a compliment from a noble.

She huffed in reply, “Always so humble.”

“That is bad, m’lady?” 

“It tis infuriating. I cannot tell if it is all for show or if you are truly that virtuous,” she responded.

“Which do you think, m’lady?”

“You leave me no option but to say the latter. And a scary prospect that is,” she responded, her voice softening. 

“M’lady?” Jinki raised an eyebrow in question. 

“Nothing,” she said dismissively. “Why are you not married, Jinki? You are old enough,” she asked.

“I— I am the head of my household already,” he responded, confused by the sudden change in conversation but he didn’t press. “There are many responsibilities on my shoulders. I have no time to think of such things with a family back home that must stay housed and fed.”

“I see. Our situations aren’t so different, are they? The future of our respective families resting on our shoulders,” she smiled humorlessly.

“Tis similar, I suppose. But I do not envy m’lady. My situation is temporary until the young ones are grown. I am free to do as I like, to marry whomever I choose,” He said, leaving his true meaning unspoken.

“Ay. We are similar and different. I see my purpose here at the palace is no secret, even among the servants,” she said, shaking her head in amusement. 

“M’lady, the servants are the first to hear everything. Surely you know that?” Jinki told her.

She laughed, “I am learning. Thank you for the reprieve, Jinki, but fear I must get back to the party.”

“Yes, m’lady,” Jinki said, holding the stall door open for her. She brushed her dress off, groaning at the straw and dust clinging to the hemline.

“Don’t you say a word,” she hissed, shaking out her dress as best she could. 

“Enjoy the party, m’lady,” Jinki said, laughing quietly to himself. She rolled her eyes, before squaring her shoulders and heading back towards the palace, back to the world she belong to.


	11. Chapter 11

With the harvest festival behind them, Jinki could breathe easier. The visiting nobles had most all gone back to their respective homes and the stables had calmed down considerably in the last few days as life got back to normal. Jinki was going about his usual routine when his heart leapt at the sharp call of, “Jinki,” that rang through the stables.

“M’lady? How may I help you?” He asked, falling in step with her.

“You still need to ask?” She asked with a playful quirk to her eyebrow.

“No. m’lady. Just being polite,” Jinki smiled as they walked towards Cheonsa’s stall.

“Well, if you aren’t too busy, I wouldn’t mind another race,” She suggested, sounding a bit apprehensive to bring it up.

“I think that can be arranged. I shaln’t go easy on you though. Make no mistake,” Jinki said.

“I would be offended otherwise,” She shot back.

Jinki smiled, checking Cheonsa to make sure he was in fit condition to ride before going to fetch her saddle and getting to work. 

“He is ready, m’lady,” Jinki informed her.

“Thank you, Jinki. See you in the meadow?”

“Yes, m’lady.”

She nodded in satisfaction, taking off without another word.

Jinki made a beeline for the next building, eager to be on his way. However, things never seemed to work in his favor when he was in a hurry. Near every stable hand that crossed his path had a question or needed assistance from him in some way. His job came before pleasure rides in the meadow but that didn’t stop his tongue from getting short and snappish with anyone who delayed his departure. When he finally set off he just knew that Miss Gwiboon was going to be cross with him for taking so long.

His suspicions were proven correct when he crossed the tree line into the meadow and caught sight of her long dark hair and pale purple dress.

“Did you get lost?” She called out, her tone attempting to sound scathing but the relieved smile on her face cut past any bite to her words. 

“I’m sorry, m’lady. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“Never mind. I am restless today, let’s go!” Her voice betrayed her true excitement. She swung onto the horse’s bare back with ease, sending Jinki a sly smile over her shoulder before taking off, galloping across the meadow. Jinki’s eyes followed after her before his brain caught up with what his eyes were telling him and he urged his horse to follow. Gwiboon was keeping Cheonsa to a comfortable pace, fast and free without being draining but it also allowed Jinki to catch up. The two slowed to a natural and easy canter when they neared the edge of the meadow, the tree line thickening but neither stopped. They slowed down more and more until the horses were walking, picking their way through the thick trees. Jinki looked at her in curiosity, unsure where they were going but she seemed so purposeful in her direction that he didn’t question it. The quiet between them was peaceful. The twittering of birds and the crunch of leaves under the horses’ hooves were the only sounds to be heard. It was almost unsettling how comfortable Jinki had grown in her presence. It should have felt odd, uncomfortable, but it didn’t. It felt right. 

The trees began to thin; the canopy breaking enough to let streams of sunlight penetrate to reveal a small clearing. The grass thick and high but void of other greenery except for the lone, giant tree dominating the otherwise empty area. Gwiboon jumped down, giving Jinki an expectant look before looping the reins around a nearby branch, “Come! This is the best view in the entire kingdom!”

Jinki followed her example and dismounted but waited to see what she was talking about. His eye widened in surprise as she hiked her skirt, revealing her tan riding britches before placing her booted foot atop the lowest branch of the big tree, stepping up to reach the next one. With ease and grace she started scaling the huge tree. 

“M’lady! You must be careful!” Jinki called in alarm. He could practically feel her rolling her eyes at him.

“Don’t you ever do anything fun? How boring you are turning out to be!”

“If I’m so boring then why did you bring me along?” He shot back.

She laughed, loud and carefree in response, “Because no one else will speak so plainly with me. It tis refreshing.”

“Well I hear the palace physician is quite blunt as well and he is exactly who are you going to see if you don’t come down from that tree!” Jinki told her.

She was about a quarter of the way up, high enough to cause injury should she fall but she didn’t seem phased in the slightest. She paused, sitting on a thick branch, her legs swinging, not the slightest bit scared, “Why don’t you come up and join me?”

“M’lady…”

She huffed in mock annoyance.

Jinki sighed, going against his better judgment walked up to the tree. He told himself it was because he couldn’t let Miss Gwiboon do something so dangerous all alone but the barb about him being boring might have prodded him as well. With slow, careful movements he began pulling himself up the tree, the bark feeling foreign to his fingers more trained to the texture of leather reins. Taking pains to not look down, Jinki began climbing from limb to limb at a snail’s pace. 

“Are you this slow at everything you do in life?” She joked once he finally reached the tree limb. Without a care, she scooted out further on the limb, making room for Jinki to sit. His shaky arms clung in desperation to the trunk, a newfound fear of heights making this far more difficult than he had anticipated.

“M’lady, I’m afraid I don’t have much practice climbing trees. Forgive me,” he croaked out, his heart feeling like it would beat out of his chest.

Her playful demeanor dropped at his words, turning towards him with a question on her lips, “Jinki—oh goodness! Are you all right? You are positively green!”

“I-- I don’t feel well,” Jinki muttered, clenching his eyes closed as tight as possible, hoping to forget where he was.

“You stupid boy; I was only joking. You didn’t really have to come up if you did not want,” Miss Gwiboon chide. 

“I would not have come up if I felt I had a choice!” Jinki grumbled, the queasy feeling in him stomach was getting worse with each second.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get you down. The open air seems to be too much for you,” she muttered, dripping was sarcasm.

Jinki thought about arguing back but his brain couldn’t seem to think beyond the immediate danger of falling to his death. 

With Miss Gwiboon’s help, Jinki began the slow process of making his way back down the tree, muscles quaking in fear and his arms hugging the trunk like a lifeline. Gwiboon kept any quips to herself, only gentle tones and encouraging words as she helped him as much as she could. He knew he was close, able to look down at the ground without wanting to vomit in terror. However, his false sense of security made him rush the process, eager to have his feet on solid ground once again, in his haste his foot slide, causing him to become unbalanced. Before he could think, before he could breathe, the bark was vanishing beneath his fingertips, he yelped in surprise and fell down, down, down. The small branches and leaves smacking him as he dropped through the limbs, his foot clipping a sturdy branch before his back landed on the hard packed ground with a thud. 

“Gods above! Jinki! Are you alright?” Miss Gwiboon screamed.

He groaned in response, his lungs feeling as though they couldn’t get any oxygen to them and he was still a little too dazed to know what was happening. Quick as lightning, Miss Gwiboon was on the ground and kneeling at his side, “Jinki, have you injured yourself?”

“I-- I don’t know,” Jinki wheezed, still a bit winded.

“Oh hell, I’m so sorry Jinki. This is all my fault.”

Jinki held up his hand weakly to stop her, “M’lady, it tis not your fault. I have not been atop a tree since I was a small boy. I did not recall trees being that _ tall_.”

Miss Gwiboon let out a small laugh that was tinged with stress. Jinki’s breath was evening out, allowing him to focus more on how the rest of his body was feeling. Thankfully it was a short fall so nothing seemed to be too serious. He had a throbbing knot on the back of his head courtesy of a root that decided to break his fall and his ankle was pulsating in an unpleasant way. He attempted to roll it and winced in pain.

“What?” She asked, noticing his subtle reaction.

“I think I hurt my ankle,” he muttered, trying to move it again.

She moved to his foot, rolling up his pant leg without reservation, working on the laces of his boot.

“M’lady!”

“Oh hush you,” She responded, seemed to already anticipate his objection.

“M’lady, you mustn't! My ankle will swell and the boot will never go back on! Let me wait until I am back at the palace.”

She paused, pursing her lips in annoyance but nodded in understanding, re-tying the laces. 

“Well, how are we to get you back? Can you stand?”

Jinki sat up, taking her offered hand without another thought. Once he was on his feet it was clear that walking was going to be challenging. He gripped the tree trunk for support as it was difficult to put any weight on his foot at all. His eyes scanned their surroundings, locating a protruding rock not too far away.

“M’lady, I’m afraid I cannot walk. If you would be so kind as to assist me to that rock over there, I think can mount.” 

She nodded in understanding, wrapping her slender arm around his waist, letting him lean on her thin frame as they hobbled towards the rock. For a delicate court lady, Miss Gwiboon was proving to be much stronger than she looked.

Once he was positioned rather precariously on the rock, she rushed back to lead the mare over to him. The beast was the perfect mount, standing still and patient as Jinki laid across her back, jumping as much as he was able with only one foot. Once he was across her like a sack of flour he pulled his injured leg around her rump, straightening up with a satisfied but pained smile. 

“Thank you, m’lady,” Jinki said. He didn’t know what he would have done if he had been alone. Well, then again, if he had been alone he would have never even thought to climb a blasted tree and wouldn’t have had this problem to begin with. 

“Don’t thank me when it’s all my fault you got hurt! Gods above, what is wrong with you? Just— wait. I must go change and then we can go,” She hurried back to Cheonsa and Jinki averted his eyes, too focused on the throbbing in his ankle to think beyond that. 

“Are you sure you are alright, Jinki? I can ride ahead and get help,” she offered.

“It’s quite alright. It hurts but it is not a severe injury. I shall be fine,” Jinki assured her.

Gwiboon looked unconvinced but nodded, leading the way back out of the woods. 

“I am really sorry, Jinki. It’s all my fault.”

“It is not your fault, m’lady. I choose to follow you despite my lack of experience.”

“Yes but you only did it because I taunted you,” she retorted.

“That was not the only reason,” Jinki responded with a chuckle, “But do you really think me so dull?”

“Why would not climbing a tree make you dull?” She shot back, muttering something that sounded like “daft boy.”

“I am quite clumsy so I should have known better than to do something so childish anyway,” Jinki sighed at his own stupidity.

Gwiboon made no comment, probably realizing her arguments were falling on deaf ears. They broke through the tree line, the horses strolling across the meadow as opposed to galloping like they had the first time.

“What shall we tell them once we get back,” Jinki asked, breaking the calm between them.

“What would you like to tell them?”

“I prefer the truth but sadly that will only lead to more questions.”

“Well, you fell from a tree… but why were you climbing it in the first place? We cannot tell them we went out together so I must have discovered you afterwards… oh gods, this is problematic.”

“Ay, it is.”

“What if you just tell them that you rolled your ankle while dismounting? A loose stone or something made you lose your footing.”

“I suppose that would work. We happened to return at the same time, nothing more, nothing less.”

“Alright. You are sure they will believe it was due to your clumsiness?”

Jinki laughed a bit, “Ay, m’lady. It would not be the first time.”

She still looked unsatisfied but nodded in understanding.

“You do not have to return to the palace with me if you do not want. It may be easier to avoid any questions that way,” Jinki offered.

“Tis alright. I feel responsible,” Gwiboon replied.

“M’lady, it is fine--”

“Oh hush,” She shot back, leading the way through the palace gates, turning towards the stables without giving him a chance to speak again.

Jinki couldn’t help but smile fondly at her. She really was something different.

“Why is there no one around when you need them?” She grumbled more to herself than anything as they rode into the rather empty stables.

“Taemin!” Jinki yelled, starting the horses a bit.

In a matter of seconds the boy popped his head out of a stall, “Hyung?”

“Go get Joonha!”

Taemin jumped to complete the request, running off to find the older man without so much as a question as to why.

“Can I help you down?” Miss Gwiboon asked as she dismounted. 

“No, m’lady. That will only lead to questions. Taemin is far too small to be of much use but Joonha will be here shortly. I’m sorry but you will have to let someone else tend to your horse today,” He replied, his lips quirking in jest.

Gwiboon rolled her eyes at his playful words. “And if I refuse?”

“Well, that would be low of you considering I’m only injured because of you,” Jinki chide.

“See! You do blame me!” She cried.

“I jest, m’lady.”

Their conversation halted when Taemin came running back, the elder stable manager at his heels.

“Jinki! What is the matter?”

“I have hurt my ankle. Rolled it while dismounting. It is not serious but it is in pain,” He informed the elder.

“Alright, let’s get you down and off to the physician just to be sure.”

Jinki nodded, pulling his injured leg over the horse the same was he had mounted, sliding down as slow as he was able, Joonha holding onto his waist to ease the pain as he met the ground. He winced a bit at the impact that reverberated through his whole body but already his ankle was feeling better than it had in the woods. 

“Taemin? Can you help Jinki to the physician, please? Then go get some supper from Madame Kim and take it to Jinki at the infirmary. Assure her that Jinki is fine or that damn woman will tear the whole palace down in worry.”

“Yes sir!” Taemin responded, throwing Jinki’s arm around his shoulder and trying to support the larger man’s weight as best he could.

“Miss Gwiboon, it was so kind of you to accompany our Jinki back, many thanks and so sorry to have trouble you. Maybe I take your mount? I know you prefer Jinki to handle your horse but, well… obviously that is impossible right now,” Joonha informed her, immediately switching from bossy stable manager to polite servant. 

“That is fine,” She responded, thrusting the reins into his hands and turning on her heel to follow Taemin and Jinki out of the barns.

~~~ 

The physician confirmed what Jinki already knew his injury was not severe. Rest, keep his weight off of it and he should be back to normal in only a few days. Jinki felt guilty, not only for lying about his injury, but because he was burdening the other stable hands. Now they would have to pick up his slack for the day, not to mention Taemin’s work too since the younger was spending the afternoon tending to him at the palace. 

“Taemin, why don’t you head back to the stables,” Jinki suggested. “There is much work to be done; there is no reason to keep you here with me when your skills are needed down there.”

“Joonha hyung told me to take care of you. I’ll go back once you are situated,” Taemin argued back.

“I’m sure Madame Kim will be down here shortly to look after me.” Jinki assured him.

“Until she comes, I’m staying.”

Jinki rolled his eyes, the physician chuckling as he went about checking Jinki’s ankle.

“Once Madame Kim gets here I’ll go back and saddle Sangchu for you and bring him up here to take you home,” Taemin suggested. “Do you think you will be able to dismount by yourself?”

“You shouldn’t,” The physician interjected.

“Well no matter, I will come with you then,” Taemin said with flippancy.

“I hate this,” Jinki grumbled, “Everyone is treating me like an invalid.”

“Hyung,” Taemin glared, “What would you do if I was injured?”

Jinki snorted, a smile pulling at his lips, “Stay with you until I knew you were okay and take it upon myself to get you home to rest.”

“And yet you are reproachful of me doing the same for you?”

“You are right,” Jinki muttered, “But I hate being the cause of such added stress to everyone. The extra workload is going to weigh on everyone’s shoulders while I sit at home because of my own stupidity.”

“Hyung, you are being unreasonable. These things happen. What we all want and what’s best for everyone is that you take some time to get better. If you rush back, you are only going to draw out the healing process, right sir?” Taemin turned to the physician for confirmation.

“The lad is correct. A few days of rest now are more valuable than you seem to realize. If you rush it, the pain will continue for far longer and you could cause real injury. Stay home for the next three days. If you are feeling better by then and can walk comfortably then come see me, but you aren’t allowed back in those stables without my approval.” the physician confirmed.

Jinki sighed in dejection but nodded.

Taemin set off to get Sangchu and the physician wrapped his ankle to keep it from moving very much. “Keep it elevated as much as you can. It will help with the swelling. I’ll also prepare an herbal mix for you. Make it into a tea and it will help with the pain. You can also leave a bit steeping by your bed. The aroma will help you relax and sleep. Sleep as much as you are able and keep your weight off this foot. The better you take care of it now the quicker it will heal and the sooner you will be able to come back to work.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ll do my best,” Jinki sighed. It would be a long three days.


	12. Chapter 12

True to his word, Taemin made sure to get him home safe. It was a bit awkward riding double, but the boy was so small Jinki doubted Sangchu even noticed. The only added weight came from the massive amount of food Madam Kim had prepared for him. That woman didn’t trust him with anything. Three days. He was told to rest for three days. And she had sent enough food for an army to eat like kings for a week. He would tease her about it later but for now, he was grateful for her care and kindness. 

“Thank you, Taemin,” Jinki said once they had arrived at his cottage. The younger had gone above and beyond to help him and Jinki really did appreciate it. Taemin slid down from the horse and helped ease Jinki off Sangchu’s back and unto his rather unstable legs. “And thank Madame Kim for me.”

Taemin nodded in acknowledgement, “Hyung you get inside, I’ll take care of Sangchu.”

“It’s already well past dark. I don’t want you walking home so late. Why don’t you take him?” Jinki suggested instead. 

“Oh hyung, I couldn’t,” Taemin protested. 

“And why not? He will only get bored and fat sitting at home. You take him for a few days, alright?” Jinki countered. He was going to have a hard enough time taking care of himself for the next few days, it was only going to add to the difficulty if he had to drag himself out to his makeshift stable to care for Sangchu too. It wasn’t like Jinki had anywhere to go for the next few days anyway. 

“I guess that makes sense… but I will stop by after work to check on you, okay?” Taemin relented. 

“That’s not necessary,” Jinki assured him. 

“Yes it is. Madame Kim will slay me if I don’t keep her informed on your condition. Besides, how will I know when you need Sangchu back if I don’t come and check on you? I’ll see you tomorrow, hyung,” There was a finality to his tone that made even Jinki reluctant to argue. 

“Fine, you brat. Goodnight,” Jinki conceded, ruffling the young boys hair out of affection. Taemin swung his leg over the horses back once again, giving Jinki a wave before trotting back up the road. Jinki sighed to himself, hobbling over the threshold of his dark and empty house. He tried to keep the physicians words in his mind, keeping his weight off his injured foot as much as possible. He did the bare minimum of work, lighting a modest fire in the hearth and digging through the sack of food from Madame Kim to fix himself a quick meal. He prepared the herbal tea just like the doctor had instructed and placed the used dregs in a bowl beside his bed with fresh water. The aroma was pleasant and soothing, a combination of gentle lavender and chamomile mixed with a few other flavors and herbs he couldn’t quite identify. The calming scent combined with the immediate effects of the tea made him feel drowsy despite the early hour. He went to wash up and let himself fall into bed, bone tired from the events of his day. He propped his leg up as best he could and slipped away into a dreamless sleep. 

~~~

He woke early. The sky still dark and the sun not quite ready to make a hint that it was planning to rise yet. His ankle was throbbing in discomfort and the mound of blankets he had used to elevate his leg were all lying in a heap on the floor now. He pulled himself from his bed, stoking the still-glowing embers in the hearth and adding some fresh wood before putting a pot of water on. It was weird, being awake and not thinking about readying himself for work. What was he to do with his day? How did one occupy himself without work? As he waited for the water to boil he found his mind slipping off towards the stables. How was Taemin doing without him there? Was Joonha stressed for lack of help? Who would care for the wild one while he was away? Would Miss Gwiboon come by the stables to check on his condition? Would he get to say goodbye to Sir Minho before he left to deal with the border disputes again? Would Joon return with word of his family soon? And what of his family? Of his brother? 

Jinki was pulled out of his thoughts by the sputtering pot of water before him. He grabbed a towel to remove it from the heat, letting it cool off as he prepared another cup of herbal tea to soothe his aching body. He took the steaming mug and crawled back into his bed, adjusting the blankets to elevate his foot once again. He tried to relax, an odd concept to him if he were honest. There was so much work to be done, how did one find time to just… sit? He was about to find out, trying to slow his mind and focus only on the warm tea and the comfort of his bed. He sank deeper into the covers, nestling down and letting his eyes slip closed as the tea took effect, helping the pain subside and his mind fall blank.

~~~

Jinki’s eyes fluttered as sleep slipped away, a persistent knocking getting louder and louder the more awake he became. He jumped out of bed, regretting the action immediately but ignored the pain in favor of rushing to his front door, pulling it open as he spoke, “Taemin is that y—” His words getting clogged in his throat as he met the callers’ eyes. “M’lady, I— how—”

“Are you just going to gape at me like a fish or are you going to allow me to enter?” Gwiboon snapped. Miss Gwiboon was bundled up against the cold with a package under her arm, Cheonsa was tied to the hitching post behind her.

“M’lady, whatever are you doing here? Enter? A man’s house alone? And a commoner no less? Have you lost yourself, m’lady?” Jinki sputtered, balking at the very thought. What on earth was this woman thinking? She must be touched in the head. No sane person would dare suggest such a thing. 

“Is that a no?” She asked, her eyebrow raised in a silent challenge.

“Miss—”

“It would draw far more attention if one were to see me as I continue to stand here,” She pointed out, daring him to argue.

Jinki sighed, stepping over to allow her to enter. An immediate wave of self-consciousness washed over him. He hadn’t the time to wash his face or tame his hair. His clothes were wrinkled from sleep and… gods above, he was wearing only an undershirt! His arms were bare and his sad excuse for a shirt was tattered and stained and most inappropriate of all, clung like a second skin. His attire was bad enough but add in the state of his house – soot from the open fire and dirt all over the floor and the overall state of mess – clothes strewn here and there… it wasn’t even fit to accept the company of someone from his own social class, let alone a noble. He felt like he would suffocate from embarrassment to think of how lowly he must look before her now. 

“M’lady, why are you here?” Jinki asked, running his fingers through his hair in a desperate and vain effort to make himself presentable before crossing his arms across his chest in a pitiful attempt to cover his bare body. He felt so… exposed, physically and emotionally. He was a mere servant at the palace and a simple man. His home small and his clothes were old and worn. He could afford better but he opted to do without in favor of sending any extra coins home to his family. His home, his life was modest and he shuddered to think how pitiful it must look to Miss Gwiboon’s eyes.

“I felt obligated to check on you. It tis my fault you are injured and I feel responsible,” she said with a gentleness that didn’t match the sharp attitude she displayed only moments before. She made no comment about the state of his home or him, her eyes soft and caring and focused on him.

“That is not necessary, m’lady. You risk far too much by coming here. What if someone were to see you? Entering a man’s home? M’lady, think of your reputation!” Jinki couldn’t understand this woman at all. It was one thing for them to speak at the stables, to maintain friendliness towards each other despite their respective stations far from the palace walls, but her being here, in his house… it was something entirely different. 

“Oh be calm. No one saw me and I shalln’t stay but a minute,” she waved off his concern.

“How did you even know where I live, m’lady?” Jinki asked, sighing in relief as he found his work shirt, dirty and sweat stained but anything was better than how he was presenting himself currently. He grabbed the shirt and slid it across his broad shoulders. He felt a bit more comfortable, a bit more in control now that he could focus beyond his impropriety. 

“Oh. I overheard that little one, Taemin I think you called him, telling the elder gentleman at the stables how to get here. So I just…” she trailed off, looking a bit sheepish this time.

“M’lady, I am touched by your concern but you mustn’t be here. It is dangerous and unwise,” he sighed, knowing his words were falling on deaf ears. 

Gwiboon rolled her eyes, “Are you going to harm me?”

Jinki sputtered at her question, “Of course not!”

“Then there is no danger. Are you going to tell anyone of my visit?” She pressed. 

“No, m’lady,” He mumbled, knowing he’d lost since lost the argument with her.

“Then it is not unwise,” she said with finality. 

“But—” Jinki tried one last time.

“I just,” she cut him off before he could protest any further, “wanted to bring you this,” she held up a small bundled parcel for him to see. “It should help with the pain and swelling.”

“Thank you, m’lady. That is very kind of you.” Jinki said.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“A bit.”

“And the swelling is down?”

“I— I don’t know actually. I’m afraid m’lady awoke me so I haven’t a chance to check,” he answered, smiling.

Gwiboon rolled her eyes at him, “Sit.”

“Ay?”

“Did the fall affect your hearing? Sit,” she commanded.

Baffled, Jinki lowered himself into his rickety chair in front of the kitchen table. Miss Gwiboon sat in the matching seat next to him, “give me your foot,” she demanded.

“I—”

“Really? Are you going to argue against every word that leaves my lips? Must we continue to squabble? Let me see so I can be on my way,” she said, exasperated. 

Jinki looked down sheepishly, nodding as he lifted his foot. With surprising gentleness she laid his leg across her lap, sliding his pants up to reveal his ankle. He suppressed a shiver that was creeping up his spine as her soft fingers slid across his skin. His stomach tingled in the most pleasant way. He didn’t really know what the cause was. Was it nerves or simply the newness of it all? He rarely had guests in his home, never a noble; never a woman. Or was it because it was Miss Gwiboon, someone he’s somehow grown close to over the past few months? 

“It looks okay. A bit swollen but that is to be expected,” she said, her focus unwavering.

“How does a fine lady like yourself know such things?” Jinki asked.

She smiled, “I told you before; I was a child who enjoyed the company of trees and horses more than embroidery or book lessons. I spent much time outside and consequently had my share of injuries.”

Jinki laughed, “I had my share of injuries as well but only because I was as clumsy of a child as I am now.”

“You? Clumsy?”

“M’lady, I fell out of a tree,” He reminded her. 

“Well aside from the tree incident, you always appear to be very poised,” she assured him.

“I fear m’lady is blind,” Jinki shook his head.

“Poised but not polite I see,” She quipped.

Jinki laughed, “M’lady thinks me impolite?”

“Of course not. You really must learn to understand jesting. You are a better man than many I have met within the court,” she said, averting her eyes as a tinge of pink brushed across her cheeks. 

Her words were so said so honest that Jinki was caught off guard. “Thank you, m’lady,” He whispered. The silence that fell over them was tinged with a tangible awkwardness; word that itched to be spoken seemed stuck behind teeth. Instead, the two of them sat in silence in Jinki’s shabby kitchen, his leg still resting on her lap, her delicate arms cradling his foot with a gentle touch. It was comfortable and that thought alone made it so uncomfortable. It scared Jinki that he felt so at ease with a noble woman. It wasn’t normal but he didn’t know how to make it stop. 

“Well I am glad you are not severely injured. I was quite worried,” she said, her words cutting the tension.

“You needn’t worry about me, miss.”

“I shall do as I please,” she replied, a playful twinkle in her eye as she said it. 

“All right, m’lady,” his lips quirked into a smile.

“When can you return to work?”

“The physician said I must rest for at least three days. If I am better by then I shall return,” Jinki told her. 

“That is good to hear. Rest well. I fear I must be getting back to the palace. I have been away too long as it is,” she signed with resignation. 

“Ay m’lady. Please get back safe. And m’lady, I do appreciate your concern but please don’t risk yourself for the likes of me. If you have concerns about me again feel free to ask Joonha. He is an honest and quiet man who will not ask questions nor tell of your inquiry,” Jinki advised. He didn’t want her coming to visit him like this again. It wasn’t proper and he feared she really didn’t understand the risks she was taking.

“Well simply do not injury yourself again and I will have no reason to do anything of the sort,” she retorted.

“I shall try,” Jinki said with a smile, placed his injured foot back onto the ground with care and lifted himself back onto his feet. Miss Gwiboon stood as well, brushing off her dress. Jinki guided her to the door, peeking outside first to be sure there was no one to see them. Gwiboon rolled her eyes at his caution but said nothing. When Jinki had deemed it safe, he opened the door for her, “M’lady, do you need me to ready Cheonsa for you?”

“No, Jinki. Rest. I shall see you in the stables soon.”

“Ay, good day, m’lady.”

She nodded, and made her way to her waiting horse. Jinki stayed in the doorway, watching her until she was too far away to be seen before closing the door. He couldn’t help but feel… light. His ankle still hurt and he still felt stressed at his lack of work but her visit made him feel strangely happy. What a dangerous thing… finding something akin to friendship with a noble woman. What on earth had he gotten himself into?


	13. Chapter 13

Jinki’s afternoon was dull. Dull, dull, dull. What was one to do when they weren’t allowed to work or walk or move? Once again, Jinki found himself missing his family more so than usual. If he were home, this mandatory break would feel like heaven. Having time to spend with his mother and siblings; time to talk and laugh and enjoy each other. But Jinki was here, in the capital, alone. His house felt stuffy and he was restless for something to do. 

Jinki spent most of the day in bed, keeping his injured foot up on its mound of blankets. He got up only to stoke the fire and prepare himself food. The pain was lessening in his ankle so the lack of use was obviously helping. However, he was bored. 

He tried not to think about Miss Gwiboon or her visit to his home. It was too confusing of a situation and he knew he would drive himself mad if he tried to understand her. The lines between them had grown fuzzy as their friendship had developed and her visit had opened Jinki’s eyes to just how close they had become. The impropriety of it all was startling. 

With the harvest festival on top of his usual workload and then the accident, Jinki hadn’t had a chance to paint in awhile. He had a modest supply at home, most of his experimenting with different paint mediums or brushes was made at home and his better results taken to the palace where he spent more time. He gathered his supplies but hadn’t made much headway on an actual painting yet. The tea the healer had given him made him drowsy and his head fuzzy and sitting without elevating his foot caused it to swell rather quickly. 

As the sky began to darken he felt a growing excitement inside him. Taemin had promised to visit him. While he of course looked forward to seeing the boy, he was more excited about a break from the monotony. He got himself up and out of bed, pleasantly surprised at the lack of pain. It still hurt to bear the full brunt of his weight but it had improved much already. He washed his face and changed into a clean shirt. Once he was ready he set the pot on to heat water for tea and prepared some dinner for the two of them. 

Right on time, he heard a soft knock at his door. “Taemin! Come in!”

“Hi hyung, how are you feeling?” Taemin asked. He set a bundle full of bread and cheese on the table and Jinki chuckled softly. Madame Kim simply couldn’t help herself. 

“Better. Much better. Come sit. You haven’t eaten yet, right?” Jinki asked, setting the prepared tea on the table and arranging the food.

“You don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t be up anyway,” Taemin scolded.

“Hush. I’ve been home all day staring at my ceiling. It is a refreshing change to have something to do. Now tell me what happened today,” Jinki brushed him off. He really was feeling better, his ankle holding his weight with only a slight protest.

Taemin sat down, “Well, Joonha hyung asked me to take care of the wild one while you are gone. She’s scary. All I did was bring her food and she kept kicking the door and nipping at me,” he informed the elder with a pout.

Jinki laughed, “She takes awhile to warm up to people. Try taking some time before you go in to let her get used to you. Offer her a carrot and wait for her to come to you. She’s a gentle thing once she’s determined that you aren’t a threat. She just needs some time,” Jinki assured him.

“Okay, I’ll try it tomorrow,” Taemin promised. 

“Anything else happen?” Jinki asked as he set the food on the table.

Taemin began prattling about the stables, which worker said what and how many stalls he cleaned out. Jinki just smile and began piling the food onto Taemin’s plate, the younger giving him a reproachful glare. Jinki knew the younger hated to be babied after all but Jinki ignored him, just glad to have a distraction from his rather boring day. 

“Joonha hyung says when you come back you can start training me on saddling the horses and even let me exercise a few! He said he wants you to focus on training me because you have to take it easy for awhile because of your ankle,” Taemin informed him. 

“I think Joonha is right. You’ve been coming along well these past few weeks. You deserve a chance to do something besides muck the stalls,” Jinki told him, smiling as Taemin’s chest puffed up with pride. “And I wish everyone would stop worrying about me so much! I’ll be fine. I won’t come back without the physician's approval so there is nothing to worry about.”

“Joonha hyung doesn’t care, you know that. You won’t be doing heavy work until he says so which will be long after the physician says it’s okay,” Taemin giggled.

Jinki laughed, “That is probably true. That is one thing he and Madame Kim seem to agree on and they are a force to be reckoned with.” He shook his head, a fond smile on his face. They cared for him and he appreciated it. His years at the palace would have been far more difficult and lonely without the two of them looking out for him. “Are you excited to start some new training?” He asked. 

“Actually, I’m a little nervous after what happened with Miss Gwiboon. What if I mess up?” His shoulders hunching up as he said it. 

“Taemin, I’ll be right there to help you. So don’t worry. And I promise, not all nobles react quite so… strongly… to such things. They are human too,” Jinki told him. Jinki had grown so used to Miss Gwiboon over the past few months, it was difficult to remember that others still saw her a sharp and difficult noble who’s presence was to be dreaded. 

“If you say so, hyung…” Taemin responded in a less than reassured tone. 

Once their plates were wiped clean it was time for Taemin to be on his way. “Tell Joonha hyung and Madame Kim not to worry about me too much and take care of things while I’m gone, okay?” 

I will,” Taemin promised, “Goodnight! Rest well!”

“See you tomorrow,” Jinki said as he watched Taemin ride off into the dark glow of evening.

~~~

The next morning Jinki felt so much better, his ankle only showing the slightest hint of pain when he put pressure on it. He took the opportunity to get some work done around his house. He was still conscious of taking it easy on his injury but he was able to get his clothes washed and his house tidy. It kept him busy for the majority of the morning and gave him something to do. When he was done, he decided to pull out his painting supplies again and he settled down at the table. His mind flitted through various scenes, trying to settle on one to paint. However, once the brush was in his hand, he found himself drawing a much different picture than he had planned. Instead, a scenic recreation of the meadow where he and Miss Gwiboon had first raced began to emerge on the parchment, the clouds in the sky and the sparse wildflowers that had yet to wither away from the cold. In the corner he drew their horses, grazing lazily together near a tree. The painting brought a smile to his lips as the happy memory filled his mind. It was one of his better paintings and when his flipped through his brain, trying to decide what to do with the piece, the only person he could think of was Miss Gwiboon herself. But that would be odd, wouldn’t it? While they might have this secret friendship when no one was looking, that didn’t mean they were close enough for Jinki to give her such a personal gift. But then again, she felt they were close enough to warrant secret visits. Jinki didn’t know where they stood, didn’t know what was considered acceptable anymore. Every interaction seemed to surprise him more and more with each day. He left the painting on the floor, out of the way so it could dry and he tried to push it from his mind. Any question that was conjured in his mind seemed to lead in a direction he was unwilling to follow. 

Jinki washed up, cleaning his brushed and spent the next few hours resting his ankle as he waited for Taemin to come. 

It was a little while after the sun had set that he heard Sangchu nicker in happiness to be home. Jinki went to greet them outside, not even limping. The horse greeted him by bumping his head into Jinki’s chest and giving him a slobbery kiss. 

“Hey Taemin. He’s not giving you any trouble is he?” Jinki asked, finding Sangchu’s favorite spot just under his chin and giving him a good scratch. 

“Of course not. He seems like he misses you though. But I’m taking real good care of him, promise. Our neighbor has a horse so he is letting me keep Sangchu in their stables for the time being. So you don’t have to worry about anything,” Taemin assured him. 

Jinki laughed, “I wasn’t worried at all. I trust you.” Jinki assured him. While Taemin was still inexperienced with horses, he listened and learned well. Sangchu was a docile beast and a good animal for Taemin to build up his confidence with. 

Taemin puffed up with pride at his words, sliding down from the saddle and tying Sangchu up at the small barn. “So how are you feeling? You are walking better today,” Taemin asked as they walked into the house. 

“Definitely better. It barely hurts at all today. I think I could go back to work tomorrow if they would let me,” Jinki responded. 

“Well you still have to stay home tomorrow too,” Taemin said, his voice stern and it caused Jinki to laugh.

“Yes, I know. But I promise, I’ll be as good as new tomorrow. You don’t need to come tomorrow night and check up on me. Just come early the next morning and we can ride to the stables together. Okay?” Jinki suggested. 

“Are you sure, hyung?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m sure your mother wants to eat with you sometimes too. Don’t worry about me. You can see I’m doing fine now. Just come in the morning,” Jinki assured him, ruffling his hair. 

“Okay. If you say so,” Taemin agreed. He stayed long enough to fill Jinki in on the daily comings and goings of the stables before he rushed out the door, eager to get home to his family for the night. 

After he cleaned up the table, he set a lantern on low beside him and pulled out a new piece of parchment. As he began mixing a new set of colors together his mind kept lingering on his painting from earlier… kept lingering on Miss Gwiboon. His mind always seemed to get muddled when he thought of her. She was so different from how she appeared on the surface and he really didn’t know how to define his feelings. Friendship? Comradery? Nothing seemed to encompass his feelings properly. All he knew was that he liked spending time with her. Even if it was silly, even if it wasn’t something they should be doing, he enjoyed it and that scared him.

He readied his brushes, looking down at his blank parchment and trying to clear his mind. The thoughts and worries trickled away, leaving only the raw feelings behind and his whole being focused on the brush in his hand as it moved purposefully across the parchment. He let his creativity take over; pushing everything else aside as he let those confusing, unidentified emotions take control of his hand. 

Even Jinki himself was surprised to find another portrait before him, once again, a fierce young woman that was undeniably Miss Gwiboon. However, this one was darker, more ominous than before, all harsh black lines with little splashes of color for emphasis. With a shaky hand, he placed one final stroke, slashing the painting from corner to corner with a lone, solid streak of dark, blood red. 

He sat back in his chair, breath catching in his throat at what sat before him. The painting was startling. The emotion bled through with so much power it took him by surprise. He could suddenly read so clearly what his mind had been hinting at all this time. He couldn’t deny it even if he wanted to. The murmur that his heart made every time he interacted with her was a much bigger problem that Jinki had let himself believe. He liked her. Not as a friend, but as a woman. He wasn’t confused, he was in denial. Because like the red streak said, Miss Gwiboon was not his. She wasn’t his to have or to even want. Secret friendship or not, she was and would always be out of his reach and he would do well to remember the words of his subconscious. There was no room in her social class for the likes of him. 

This new revelation of his subconscious left Jinki feeling drained and tinged with unexpected sadness. It was like the past three days of rest hadn’t even happened. He wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep to escape the suffocating hurt that had settled on his chest. Jinki had never had much time for women, always too focused on his work and his family to spend the time or energy on the idea of courting. He had always written it off as something he would do later, when his family was more stable. Now for the first time, he had found a woman who struck his fancy, who made his heart race and made him so happy to just be in her presence. He had found her and she was not a woman he was allowed to want. However, this whole experience had taught him a valuable lesson, he had allowed himself to get too close with Miss Gwiboon. There was an unsurpassable caste system in place and he knew better than to ever try to ignore it. He should be thankful the only thing damaged was his heart, but he had never realized how fragile of a thing the heart truly was. 


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning Jinki woke exhausted. He had done nothing but sleep since his injury however, he felt more tired now than he had in all his years of work. His mind just couldn’t seem to stop. The painted— now hidden behind his dresser for lack of better means of keeping it away from his own eyes— had opened up pandora’s box within himself. All it took was admitting how much he wanted her despite knowing he couldn’t and he was crushed. All he could think about was her dark curls and how his fingers itched with desire to card through them. His thoughts got lost in the depth of her eyes or the beautiful pink hue of her lips. He wanted to feel her small, dainty hands interlocked with his calloused ones. He longed to study the lines of her palm and see if they matched his own. To hold her close and more than anything he wanted to be the one to make her smile; make her laugh. The thoughts had plagued his mind all night, fighting away sleep in favor of tracing the lines of her face within his mind. It was a dangerous thing letting his emotions run rampant. 

Jinki had always imagined that the act of falling in love was a pleasant one. That having your mind occupied by one person was a good thing, a desirable thing. He was just now realizing how wrong he was. It was torture in its most base form. His mind was a confused mess, the endless thoughts of Gwiboon, Gwiboon, _ Gwiboon _ left his frustrated rather than happy. It only added to his frustration that his newfound thoughts were more pressing than anything else. It was his first day back to work and he found himself being clumsy and making simple mistakes all day long. It was infuriating. Everyone blamed it on his ankle, giving him an encouraging smile and a helping hand, but he knew the truth. It wasn’t his ankle that was clumsy, it was his heart. How could one woman mess up his life so thoroughly and not even know it herself? 

Things only got worse since Miss Gwiboon picked that day of all days to visit the stables. She had no qualms about visiting his home to check on his condition, it was to be expected that she would stop by the stables for the same reason.

“Jinki!” She called, her voice resounding through the barn. It made Jinki groan because his heart leapt in his chest. Denial had been easier to manage. 

He took a deep breath as he stepped out of the stall he was working in, “M’lady,” he greeted, his voice filled with happiness despite his resolve to distance himself from the noble. His whole body betraying him once in her presence again. She looked breathtaking, more so now that his heart was free to feel. Her eyes were warm and her smile so soft and inviting. It was no wonder he was so weak against her charms. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

“I am much better, m’lady. Thank you.”

“Good; good. And what are you up to this fine day?” She asked, a playful tilt to her voice. By the looks of it, they were alone in the barn and she felt comfortable letting her walls down a bit. 

“I was about to take the wild one here,” Jinki pointed to the horse behind him, “Out for her lessons.”

“Oh, I thought you said you did not train?”

“Usually not,” Jinki replied, keeping things short and to the point. 

“Whatever does that mean?” Miss Gwiboon questioned, her eyebrows shooting up in confusion. Her willingness to interact was killing any and all resolve Jinki had to cut their conversation short. 

“She was giving the trainers a spot of difficulty, quite the troublemaker this one, so Joonha suggested my name. They agreed so now she’s my responsibility,” Jinki said, his head bowing a bit in modesty. He had never been good about talking himself up. 

“May I watch?” she requested. 

Jinki gnawed his lip in thought, he knew he shouldn’t, more for his own sake then the horses but he felt himself nod before he could talk himself out of it, “But first, we have to get her used to you. She’s a bit skittish around others still.”

“You just tell me what to do,” she replied.

Jinki led her over to the stall, the two of them standing at the door, waiting for the yearling to approach them. The horse eyed Gwiboon warily but it didn’t take long for her curiosity to overcome her fear as she crept forward, greeting Jinki by nosing at his shirt. 

“She seems to really like you,” Gwiboon commented.

“She does. It took a long time to build up her trust though. She’s been in my care since the early spring but we only started her real training this summer. It took that long just to get her to tolerate my presence,” Jinki said, patting the horse affectionately. Jinki reached into his pocket, pulling out a carrot he had swiped from the kitchens and broke it into pieces before handing them to Gwiboon to offer the horse.

“That must have taken a lot of patience,” she remarked, placing the treat on her flattened palm and offering it to the horse. The horse continued to eye her cautiously but her neck was stretched out, inching closer and closer to Gwiboon and the piece of carrot. 

“Yes, but that is part of dealing with horses,” Jinki replied. 

“Still, it just shows how good you are with the animals,” She said. The horse continued to sniff at her hand before deciding that Gwiboon was worth the risk and took the small step forward necessary to snatched to carrot piece from her. After the carrot was gone, the yearling allowed Gwiboon to rub her nose before she edged away again, back towards the other side of the stall door where Jinki was. 

“Are you sure you want to come out, m’lady? It might be a bit dull to watch. I can saddle your horse for you if you’d rather?” Jinki offered, a little bit hopeful she’d say yes and spare him and also a little bit hopeful she’d say no so that their time together would last just a bit longer.

“That’s alright. I can ride later,” she responded, stepping back to give Jinki and the horse lots of room to move around without her presence being a disruption.

Jinki sighed to himself, going about saddling the beast and getting her ready for their training session. The yearling stood still, having started to accept the saddle being placed on her back. Jinki was quite proud of the improvements the horse had made in the past few months. It had been difficult and frustrating but in the end Jinki would proud, proud of the animal and proud of himself. 

“Ready?” He asked, leading the horse out of the stall.

Miss Gwiboon nodded in affirmation.

“She isn’t accustomed to anyone but myself so she might be a bit skittish at first,” Jinki informed her. 

“I understand. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do,” She said, trying to be accommodating to the horse and her special needs. 

“Thank you. She seems to be calmer with you than many others. Maybe because you are a woman? Most of her interactions have been with men.”

“It was probably just because of the carrots,” she joked in response. Jinki couldn’t help but smile in return. Gwiboon made it easy to be with her, to talk and joke. No wonder Jinki had fallen down such a slippery slope. 

He led them out to the circular exercise pen, having Miss Gwiboon stay outside by the gate while he and the yearling entered. Jinki stopped in the middle, starting the horse running in a tight circle, slowly letting out the lead until she was making a wide circle along the gate. The horse didn’t seem bothered by Miss Gwiboon’s presence so Jinki didn’t pay it much mind, focusing on their exercises, calling out different commands to her and smiling in satisfaction when she responded with smooth, easy movements void of even a hint of hesitation. Jinki tried to ignore Miss Gwiboon’s presence as much as possible, focusing on the horse and only the horse the whole time. It was an impossible task but he did try. He was quite proud of the mare today though. He was glad he could show such a fine creature that had been molded by his own hands to Miss Gwiboon. He knew it was stupid considering the woman watched him fall from a tree only a week prior, but Jinki only wanted to show her his best qualities. He wanted her to see him as a man, not some silly stable boy. Once again, he was playing with fire. Right now he could take comfort in knowing that his feelings were one-sided. He may like her more than he should, but she didn’t return those feelings so there was no danger in hidden affections. Well… no damage outside of his own heart. As much has his heart might wish she returned his affections, it was best that things stay the way they were. 

It seemed like only minutes had passed before he was signaling the horse to halt, the exercise for the day complete but his mind still full of cobwebs. 

“You really are wonderful with her,” Miss Gwiboon commented once Jinki and the yearling had exited the pen.

Jinki felt his cheeks reddening at her words. “It’s nothing, m’lady.”

“Oh poppycock. That horse already looks fit for a rider and only months ago she was bucking at every little sound? Even with how skittish she is, not once did she shy away from the fence where I was standing. Even now, she is allowing me to walk alongside her. She trusts you. She trusts you more than she is scared of me, a stranger. That isn’t something to be taken so lightly,” she told him. 

Jinki felt humbled by her words. Did she truly think so high of him? He was merely doing his job as the horse’s trainer. It wasn’t as special or glamorous as she was making it seem.

“Are you ready for that ride, m’lady?” Jinki asked, sparing himself from having to respond by changing the subject.

“Later. May I help brush her?”

“M’lady? There is no need for you to do such a menial task. I should be in much trouble if anyone were to see you,” Jinki responded, shocked that she would even offer. 

“There is no one around and I am enjoying your company,” She replied ignoring his protest and picking up the metal comb, approaching the animal. 

Jinki tied the mare to the ring alongside the stall, quickly removing the saddle and nodding to Miss Gwiboon, allowing her to step closer and being rubbing the brush in small circles along the horse’s neck. Jinki didn’t know what it was about Miss Gwiboon but even the horse seemed relaxed in her presence. Her hands were gentle and her touch, light. Jinki pick up the extra brush, beginning to work the horse on the other side. 

“Do you enjoy your job, Jinki?”

“Yes, m’lady.”

“Isn’t it tiring though?”

“Yes, m’lady. But… it’s honest work. I am lucky, the work is far less dangerous than working the fields or fighting in the army. I get to do something I enjoy and I can take pride in what I do. I am able to provide for my family and live a comfortable life. I couldn’t ask for much more,” Jinki answered. It was easier to speak freely with the mare between them, blocking her from his sight. 

“But… isn’t it lonesome?”

Jinki swallowed, pushing away those betraying thoughts that reminded him how easy she seemed to chase away the loneliness in his heart. “At times. It is hard living so far away from home. You know this as well as I.”

“Ay, but I still live with family,” She responded, not satisfied with his response.

“I have many friends whom treat me like family. Madame Kim took me in when I was just a boy and to this day acts on behalf of my own mother. Likewise, Joonha hyung has cared for me and protected me much like my late father did. I have many friends with whom I trust and care for as well. I am not unhappy living at the palace. It is lonesome at times, but it is my home now.”

“Will you ever go back to visit?”

“I would love to. I miss my mother terribly and my siblings have probably all forgotten my face by now. However, it is a long journey and I am only paid when I work. I and my family would have to suffer in order for me to take the time and shillings required for even a short visit.”

“You must think me so weak in comparison,” Gwiboon murmured. 

“M’lady?” His eyebrows shot up in confusion. Miss Gwiboon was a lot of things, but weak was never a word that had ever entered his mind in relation to her. 

“I have only been at the palace but a few short months and I have already forced you to accompany me home to visit my family,” She said, filling him in on her rather ridiculous thought process.

Jinki smiled, “I do not think ill of m’lady for such things. Missing those you care for is not a weakness. Honestly, I envy you. To live so close that you can visit? If I were able, I would be home every night with the ones I love,” Jinki replied. He meant it too. Having a close knit family was a gift that not everyone was blessed with. It was important to cherish those special people and it was only natural to want to keep them close by. 

“You are a good man, Jinki,” Miss Gwiboon murmured. 

“I am like everyone else, m’lady,” Jinki said with a humble smile. He didn’t see how he was any different from the rest of the world. At least, not in positive ways. 

“You are not. You are good; trustworthy,” She responded, sincerity in her tone.

“I’m honored m’lady thinks so highly of me,” Jinki whispered, his cheeks flushing at her words. Her kindness and genuine words were doing nothing to squash Jinki’s infatuation with her. In fact, it was doing quite the opposite. He felt his mouth opening, words slipping past before he could think them through and ultimately pull them back into the depths of his mind, “M’lady, if I may be so bold?”

“Yes, Jinki?” Miss Gwiboon responded, her lips quirked in interest.

“I-- ummm…” Jinki trailed off, cheeks painted a soft pink as he balked at what he was about to do.

“Whatever is it? I’ve never seen you stutter so,” Miss Gwiboon said, amusement and confusion evident. 

“It’s just that… I ummm… well I… paint?” Jinki forced the words past his lips, but it ended up closer to a question than a statement. God he was making himself a fool. He wanted to shrivel up and crumble inside his boots right now. Anything to make her stop looking at him.

“Oh?”

“Umm.. yes. I paint. Well… I wanted to give you one. One of my paintings I mean,” Jinki uttered, his words trailed off into an embarrassing squeak. 

She smiled, soft and genuine. It was clear she was bemused by Jinki’s odd behavior but mercifully made no comment about it.

“Alright,” She replied.

“It’s umm… just stay here,” He said, scurrying off to the tack room where he kept Sangchu’s saddle during the day. He grabbed the rolled up parchment from his saddle back, taking a moment to glance at it one last time, hoping that dallying a few moments would make his cheeks return to a more natural color before running back to where she was waiting just like he requested. “It is nothing much and my skills are low but it… it made me think of m’lady,” Jinki explained, embarrassment still evident in his tone as he rushed through his speech. 

She nodded in understanding, reaching out to take the painting from Jinki’s slightly trembling hands. She unrolled it slowly, her eyes widening in surprise at the scenic portrait before her. “Oh Jinki…” She breathed, eyes never leaving the canvas in her hands.

“As I said, it’s nothing much,” Jinki muttered, rubbing the back of his neck in a show of embarrassment and nerves.

“It’s truly beautiful. It’s the meadow? Where we raced our horses?”

“Yes, m’lady.”

“It is a lovely painting and a lovely memory. I shall cherish it,” She said, her emotions showing pure on her face.

“Thank you, m’lady.” 

“Well! I think I’m ready for that ride now,” She said, “and I wouldn’t mind having another go at that race. I want it to be no mistake that I won fair and square,” Her eyebrow quirking in playful suggestion. 

“Oh...” Jinki tried to sort his thoughts out to come up with some excuse why they couldn’t spend the afternoon together, because, despite just how much he wanted to, he knew it was a bad idea. However, before he could say anything at all, she was already turning on her heel, heading off towards Cheonsa’s stall. 

“Come saddle my horse, Jinki. I shall go first. Meet me in the meadow,” Her tone left no room for arguments and despite the rationality of his brain, Jinki couldn’t find it in himself to say no.


	15. Chapter 15

Jinki was uneasy as he made his way towards the meadow. He knew he should be smarter than this, better than this. He was feeding a dangerous and silly fantasy that Miss Gwiboon saw him as a man. He was allowing himself to hope. Rationally, he knew that was pure stupidity. He was a servant and he would never be more than a servant. Even if she did, by some crazy twist of fate, see him in the same light he saw her, what of it? It would never be anything. It _ could _ never be anything. There were two people from different world simply coexisting. Their social classes didn’t and couldn’t mix. They were night and day; oil and water. No matter what his heart wanted, it wouldn’t ever happen. 

He didn’t even know why he was dedicating so much time and energy to such obscure fantasies because Miss Gwiboon had set her sights on Lord Jonghyun. And why shouldn’t she? He was a Lord. He was rich. He was handsome. He was everything Jinki wasn’t. And more importantly, they were allowed to be together. Lord Jonghyun was exactly what she wanted and what her parents were expecting her to bring home after her stint at the palace. She was too smart, too noble to get involved with a dirty stable hand. However, regardless of his rationality, his heart couldn’t help itself but beat faster at the mere thought of her smile. His adrenaline spiked as he neared the final hill and approached their meadow. Because somewhere along the line he had begun dubbing the strip of land as ‘theirs.’ He didn’t remember giving his heart or his brain permission to do such things but here he was, heart racing, biting his lip to fight off the smile as each step brought him closer and closer to Miss Gwiboon. 

As he crested the hill he saw her waiting patiently for him, horse already unsaddled and her attire changed. His lips quirked at the thought. Who would have thought? His whole day was lifted up by the sight of a noblewoman in men’s britches atop a fine horse. He had always envisioned himself with a feminine woman, someone delicate and fragile. He had always seem it so clearly in his mind during those long winter nights, small hands that fit easily in his palm. Someone short enough to tuck under his chin when he hugged her. Maybe he simply thought of himself as the protector and therefore fantasized about marrying a woman who appeared vulnerable, someone who would want and need his protection. Instead, he found that his heart had been stolen by a strong willed, prideful noble wearing men’s clothing. It was comical how wrong he had been. 

He allowed himself to drink in her presence. Her ebony curls looked particularly stunning in the afternoon sun as the locks danced in the wind around her face. The dark color looked striking against her pale skin and simple green dress. 

“Jinki! Hurry up! I’ve been waiting for ages,” She called as he approached, but he ignored her words, allowed his horse to stroll comfortably along. He wanted to savor every moment they had together, he didn’t want to rush anything. 

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, m’lady,” Jinki responded, he couldn’t help the crooked smile that pulled at his lips, merely enjoying her presence. The confusion that tangled in his heart seemed to evaporate whenever he was with her. It was hard to remember why he shouldn’t be in love with her. He wanted to bask in the glow of her smile and forget everything else.

“I should be used to it by now,” She grumbled more to herself than Jinki but it made him laugh nonetheless. “You seem very impatient today m’lady?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. It’s been a rather difficult day at the palace. I am just anxious to ride and let loose some of that stress,” she admitted.

“Ahh I see. Well, shall we ride then?” Jinki suggested.

“Yes, lets. I’d much rather a distance ride this time however,” she told him. 

“Alright, m’lady. To the river?”

“To the river and back,” she amended.

“To the river and back,” he concurred.

Gwiboon smiled mischievously, “and don’t think I’m going to go easy on you.”

“The thought never crossed my mind, m’lady,” he laughed.

She hopped onto the horse’s back, her skirt hiked up far too high to be considered ladylike, showing off the tan britches she wore beneath. They lined their mounts up, the horses feeding off of their riders’ excitement as they pranced, “Ready? Start!”

The two of them took off but Jinki tried to pace his horse just a bit; the river was further away than it looked. He knew better than anyone what the horses were capable of and the mare would be far too winded if she tried to sustain a full gallop the whole way there and back. He allowed Miss Gwiboon to take the lead, her Cheonsa was small but had an obvious love for speed. The mare Jinki was riding was at least four hands taller than Cheonsa and therefore was at an advantage when it came to distance. It seemed like no time at all that they were approaching the river bank, far enough away from the town that there were few homes in this area. There were few people who would see them which is why Jinki had picked this place to begin with. He slowed his mount slightly, preparing for the turn-- he learned his lesson from last time-- before taking off the way they came. Giving the mare her head, he let her stretch her long legs to close the distance between the two horses. They were neck and neck as they began cresting the hill, Jinki’s mare holding her pace as Cheonsa was obviously slowing. When Jinki emerged into the clearing, he was a full length ahead. He smiled widely as he began pulling the mare in, slowing her to a more reasonable pace. 

Despite the loss, Miss Gwiboon was smiling broadly as well. “We are tied now,” she commented.

“That we are,” Jinki concurred, “However, it still is not a fair comparison. I am in a saddle and you, bare back.”

Miss Gwiboon waved his words off with a flip of her wrist, “No matter. I am a better rider bareback than most men in a saddle.”

Jinki laughed, “That you are; you are a mighty fine rider indeed.” He flipped his leg over the horse, sliding down onto the ground. He took the reins of both their horses, tying them to the same tree as before.

Miss Gwiboon offered out her hand, demanding he help her dismount. He did so without a word, holding her dainty hand in his own as she slid her leg over the horse's mane and sliding down to the ground.

“That was fun,” she said, making no effort to pull her hand away from his own. 

“Yes, it was,” He agreed, forcing his fingers to unclench, her warmth was so inviting but still, he dropped her hand. 

“Let’s sit. I’m a bit tired,” She suggested, nodding towards a sunny patch a few feet from where they stood. Jinki cleared his throat rather awkwardly, the tension between them seemed to thicken with each passing minute. Did she feel it too? Could she sense how badly he wanted to be near her? How stupidly happy her presence made him?

Jinki sat down in the grass, eyes widening in shock when she sat next to him, far closer than what he would consider normal. She made no motion like it was odd so he tried to brush it off, but his heart was reading the situation much differently and was practically beating out of his chest with nerves. He could feel her body heat, he could smell her hair and he was slowly becoming intoxicated by her very presence. 

“Soon it will be too cold to ride,” she mused, a sad tilt to her tone, as if by a nervous habit she kept pulling at the blades of grass between them. Plucking a blade before peeling it into fine ribbons, letting the pieces fall into her skirt.

“Ay, m’lady. The snow will come before we are ready,” Jinki muttered, trying to stay on topic.

“You still have to exercise the horses though, don’t you?” She asked.

“I do,” he replied. 

“That must be taxing in the cold weather.”

“It is but it is part of the job. I also get the pleasure of exercising the animals during the pleasant months, riding along the river bank when it’s lined with spring wild flowers and through the forest while the autumn leaves are falling. You can’t have the good without the bad as well,” Jinki mused. 

“I like that, you can’t have the good without the bad,” Miss Gwiboon said. “That’s true of everything in life, isn’t it? When you want something good, you must accept the bad and when you must accept the bad, there is a silver lining to it somewhere.”

“I guess, m’lady,” Jinki frowned. He didn’t have the slightest idea what they were talking about anymore but it definitely wasn’t about horses. 

“Which do you think is worse?”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean?”

“Which is worse, wanting something good so much that you accept that bad consequences that come along with it, or accepting something bad because of the good outcomes that will inevitably follow?” She asked, looking out over the meadow, her eyes fixed on a point only she could see. 

“For myself? I try to strive for the good,” Jinki said softly.

Miss Gwiboon smiled, “I figured you would say that.” Jinki wasn’t quite sure what his answer meant to her but he could see something change, her eyes filling with determination. His breath hitched in his throat as she turned to face him fully, her eyes fixed him with a serious gaze. “I feel the same, it is better to strive for what you want, what you deserve, and accept the bad that comes with it, than to settle for the bad and hope that good will someday come out in the end.”

“Miss Gwiboon, I’m afraid I don’t know what we are talking about right now,” Jinki said, feeling increasingly uneasy at her serious words and the close proximity she was keeping.

“Don’t you though?” She questioned, her hand coming up slowly, caressing the side of his face, guiding him to meet her eyes. His heart jumped at the intimate touch, not having a second to process what it meant before she leaned in closer, closer; too close. Her lips were soft and chaste against the corner of his mouth; the barest brush of skin. 

Jinki was stunned. He sat, much like a statue, unsure what to do, how to react. He wanted to bask in the feeling for as long as possible, her skin pressed against his, her heart open and vulnerable to him. His body ached to reciprocate, to press against her, to cup her slender neck and hold her lips against his for all eternity. However, his mind had the opposite reaction, still in shock over her forwardness and the simple fact that his feelings were in fact being reciprocated. However, all he could think was, ‘what if someone saw?’ His stomach twisted with elation and horror, a sickening mixture.

He jerked back as if he’d been burned, his skin tingling with the ghost of her lips against his. 

“M’lady! I-- You-- We _ can’t.” _

“We can’t what? Do not tell me I am alone in my feelings,” she said, her tone rising in anger, her defensive walls stacking up around her. The warmth he’d grown accustomed to seeing in her eyes evaporated, replaced by a hard anger fueled by embarrassment. 

“My feelings are of no consequence, m’lady. I fear you have forgotten your station,” he replied, looking down at his lap, avoiding her angry gaze. His heart was beating out of his chest and he avoided her eyes as his mind reeled. He’d only just begun to accept his feelings towards her, he wasn’t ready to accept that she felt as he did. They couldn’t! Miss Gwiboon was only at the palace to find a suitable and rich husband. Jinki was neither of those things. 

“And I fear you have forgotten yours,” she seethed. 

“Ay, m’lady. I have allowed myself to feel too comfortable in your presence and it has lead to this situation. I apologize,” Jinki responded.

“You apologize? _ You apologize? _ I want no apology I want you sincere words Lee Jinki,” Gwiboon hissed her cheeks flushed crimson and her glare sharp enough to cut.

“M’lady, please don’t ask that of me. It is not fair to either of us,” he whispered, voice cracking ever so slightly. 

“So I am right? You feel as I do?” She asked, her tone demanding an answer.

“_M’lady, _” Jinki pleaded. Saying it aloud would only make this harder. His heart wanted nothing more than to confess, to assure her that she was not alone in her feelings but they could never be. She knew that as well as he. 

“I was right, but I was wrong as well. You are not the man I thought you were. You are a coward. Need I remind you, I have far more to lose than you,” Her words laced with venom as she stood, ripping her gelding’s reins from the tree and swinging herself onto his back, galloping off without so much as a glance back.

“But m’lady, that is exactly the reason why we cannot,” Jinki whispered, letting the wind catch his words, carrying the truth far away.


	16. Chapter 16

The first snow came that night, it was bitterly cold and made for a miserable morning. Sangchu protested leaving the warmth of his stall and the deep snow made for a long and unpleasant ride to the palace. Jinki had spent all night tossing and turning, his heart heavy with longing and regret and his mind refused to let go, instead replaying the whole interaction over and over again. It was a restless night that left him tired and irritable and only fed into his bad mood all the more. He couldn’t blame Gwiboon for her reaction. She had taken a big step, making herself vulnerable only to be turned down; he had bruised her pride and embarrassed her. He hadn’t meant to appear so callous; he had been shocked more than anything. He’d all but convinced himself that his feelings were one-sided because that kind of hope would have been too much for his heart to take. It was so much harder to know that she felt as he did, that she saw him as a man, not just a commoner or a stable hand. It was harder because he couldn’t delude himself any longer, he couldn’t pretend or avoid reality. However, it still didn’t change anything, and that made it all the worse.

Jinki hated the unfairness of it all. It wasn't uncommon for noblemen to take a mistress that was beneath their own class, but the rules that governed noblemen were far different from noblewomen. If anyone suspected them… Gwiboon would be ruined. She would never be able to marry; her family wouldn’t recover from such a social fall. Gwiboon and her sister would probably be shipping off to a nunnery, never to be seen or heard from again. As for himself…. he would be lucky if all he lost was his job. The reasons to stay away from each other were obvious, so why was it so difficult? Why couldn’t his heart accept what his mind knew so plainly? 

Jinki knew she wouldn’t come to the stables again, not any time soon. The snow was a good excuse for her to break her usual routine but Jinki knew that wasn’t the reason. She wasn’t one to wallow in self pity but rather to fuel herself with righteous anger. He didn’t know what to do, how to handle such a situation. Jinki couldn’t fault her for avoiding him. He deserved to be ignored. He deserved her anger, her hatred. He deserved it all for allowing things to get so out of hand. Despite it all, he… missed her. He’d grown accustomed to seeing her in the stables, talking and laughing together. She’d become a part of his life and the best part of his whole day. 

The day felt so long with nothing to look forward to anymore and without any distractions from his blackened thoughts. He felt so filled with contradicting emotions; happiness, sorrow, hope, guilt and fear. He didn’t know how to process any of it. More than anything he felt… regret. This was for the best. They both knew that. They absolutely could not be together. It was against… nature. A commoner and a noble? In love? It would be laughable if it weren’t so soul-crushingly real for Jinki. He knew he was making the best decision for them both, so why wasn’t it easier? If it was the best thing for them both, why did it hurt so much? 

He muddled through the morning in a fog, his mind too wrapped up in Gwiboon and their situation to think about his work. His body worked off of muscle memory alone, getting through his chores without any of his usual enthusiasm.

“Hyung? Is everything okay?”

Jinki jumped a bit a Taemin’s sudden question. To be honest, Jinki hadn’t even realized the younger was there until he had spoken. How long had Jinki been standing there? He was supposed to be cleaning out a stall but he’d been lost in his own head, leading against the pitchfork rather than putting it to use. 

“Yes, Taemin. I’m fine,” Jinki responded, straightening up and trying to shake himself out of his head, he had work to do, he needed to focus. 

Taemin looked unconvinced but said nothing more on the matter. What else could Jinki say? He couldn’t tell anyone what happened, it was his secret and his burden to bear. 

~~~

Days passed and Jinki’s mood seemed to dwindle. he couldn't focus on his work, he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. He knew he'd made the right decision, but it weighed on him more and more with each day. The woman he loved hated him now, she never wanted to see him again. It was a level of despair that he didn't know how to handle. Every day he hoped to see her, he longed for any interaction with her. Let her yell at him, let her use all of her anger on him as long as it meant he could see her again, be near her once more. 

His darkened mood did not go unnoticed, he was irritable and snappish around the barns. Most stable hands simply avoided him, only those closest to him dare speak to him when he was in such a state. He spent more time than usual training the wild one, it was a good excuse to stay out of the stables and away from others however, the horse also picked up on his mood and was skittish and difficult. Her lack of progress only further blackened his day. 

He couldn’t go on like this but he had no idea how to let go. Everything was still raw; fresh. His heart felt like an open wound inside his chest and it was impossible for him to do anything, to focus on anything but the intense sorrow that clutched his heart. 

~~~

“Child whatever is wrong with you? I haven’t seen anything but ale enter your mouth in days,” Madame Kim chide, her usual playful tone was absent, true concern shining in her eyes. 

“I’m fine,” Jinki muttered, unconvincing even to his own ears.

“He’s been like this all week, Madame Kim. He won’t talk to anyone,” Taemin chirped, throwing Jinki to the wolves without a second thought; earning himself a glare from Jinki. 

“What is it, my dear?” She pressed.

“It’s nothing,” Jinki said, really not feeling like telling the whole kitchen, and by default, the whole palace, that he was in love with a noble. He knew that Madame Kim wouldn’t let this go, but what else could he say? 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she responded.

“I’m going to go take a break,” Jinki muttered, standing up; leaving his meal untouched as usual.

“You can play with your paint set after you eat something. You don’t have to tell me what has erased that smile of yours but you do have to eat something before I’ll let you leave this kitchen. Don’t test me,” Madame Kim responded, her tone filled with iron. She continued to study his face, searching for clues.

Jinki’s lip twitched in an affectionate smile, sitting back down without argument and taking up his spoon. 

“That’s a good boy,” She muttered, patting his head before getting back to her duties in the kitchen, leaving him to finish his meal.

“Hyung, you know you can talk to me, right?” Taemin whispered to him. “I know you think I’m just a kid, but I’m not, and I’m getting worried about you too.”

Jinki felt his sad heart lift just a little bit as gratefulness washed over him. He really had a lot of people in his life who cared for him. It helped ease the ache inside him if only a little bit. 

“Aww does our little Taeminnie like his hyung that much?” Jinki teased, veering the conversation about from the heavy emotions and into something lighter. 

“Hyung,” he whined, “Don’t call me that!”

“Don’t call you what? Taeminnie?” Jinki’s smile widened.

“Hyuuuuuung! I’m not a little kid! Stop treating me like that!” The pout on his face telling the exact opposite of his words. 

“All right Taemin, I’ll stop. And thank you, but it’s really nothing for you to worry yourself over,” Jinki assured him.

“But… you look so sad,” Taemin said, a frown pulling at his lips.

“And I’ll get over it,” Jinki said, talking to himself more than Taemin. It was the reality and the sooner he accepted it the better. He was heartbroken, but he would get over it. He had to; there was no other option. The sooner he accepted that fact the sooner he could start mending the pieces of his heart and try to get his life back on track.

~~~

Jinki’s paintings were getting darker, the vibrant colors he usually loved lay unused in favor of black and gray tones. Charcoal stained his fingers and clothes rather than the usual splatters of colorful paint; his color choices always did match his mood. The current picture depicted a ship lost at sea, being tossed by a rough storm. It is about to topple over by a wave, the foamy tendrils looking suspiciously like fingers. It was far from the most original of pieces, a simple ship at sea, but it expressed his feelings rather plainly. When does this storm end? How did he end up in this situation to begin with? When had he allowed himself to view someone so unattainable with such intense feelings? He wanted to call it weakness but it was more likely sheer stupidity. He had considered her a friend and that was his first mistake. He viewed her as different from other nobles. And she was. But that did not, in any way, erase the title. He had gotten too comfortable and his heart had run away before he quite realized it. But now what was he to do? He still wanted her. He still wanted to be near her, be a part of her life, even if only as friends. Even if that meant he was only her preferred stable hand. He wanted that but he wasn’t sure his heart could take it. Jinki was selfish. He wanted all of her. Not a tiny sliver of her attention, he wanted her all and he wasn’t sure he could ever be satisfied if he didn’t get it. But none of that mattered because now she was too upset, too angered to even look at him. What was Jinki to do? What could he do?

~~~

When Jinki does see Miss Gwiboon again, it is not at all how he envisioned it. Yes, he ran into her in the stables like he expected. However, what he didn’t expect was to see her on the arm of Lord Jonghyun. Jinki had always known that she was still meeting with the Lord. He knew, but ever since he and Miss Gwiboon had started to draw closer, Jonghyun had been all but absent for her life in front of Jinki. He knew he wasn’t allowed to care about such things. He have given up any right to care when he turned her down, he never really had a right to care in the first place. None of that mattered though. The truth was he did care, very much so. He hated the sight of the stocky Lord and his snake-like smile. He hated how good they looked next to each other. He hated the fake smiles and the obvious touches. He hated it so much because he was green with envy. 

He had always been jealous of nobles, that was only natural given the stark class differences, but he had been raised to appreciate what he had and that had always gotten him through his life with a smile. Now though, all he could think was how unfair life was. If only he were of noble blood. Then maybe, things would be different. Maybe he could be the one strolling through the stables in fine winter furs and that perfect woman on his arm. He knew that he could never have what came so freely to nobles. He had accepted that long before these rogue feelings had developed inside himself. What he couldn’t seem to accept is that she would choose another. She would choose a man to fill the spot Jinki was coveting with all his heart. It only made it that much harder that she had offered him the position and he had turned it down. He had no choice, they both knew that, but it only made the wound fester inside him. 

Jinki stood outside the stall door, his heart cracking deeper with each step the couple took. Miss Gwiboon didn’t spare him a glance, her boots clicking against the stone floor resounded in Jinki’s ears long after they had gone. The little thread of hope inside Jinki that had been holding onto, the hope that maybe she would forgive him, that maybe she would allow him to remain close to her despite everything, that hope was crushed under the heel of her riding boots. She was choosing Lord Jonghyun. She was choosing a man who could give her what she wanted and needed. She was choosing someone far better that Lee Jinki, the stable hand. However, understanding and accepting were two very different things.

He watched Lord Jonghyun, the epitome of everything Jinki envied, wrap his arm around Miss Gwiboon’s shoulder and it triggered something deep and primal inside Jinki. Suddenly Jinki wanted to fight. He needed to fight, against Lord Jonghyun, against the society that said they shouldn’t be together. He wanted to do whatever it took to replace Lord Jonghyun with himself in this mental picture. Consequences be damned, he was in love with that woman and he wouldn’t let go without a fight, without trying. 

The spark of rage faded as the couple walked away and rather than acting out any of the, albeit satisfying, mental images of putting his fist through Lord Jonghyun’s face, Jinki turned away, crawling up into the hay loft to hide the embarrassing tears that were collecting at the corner of his eyelids.


	17. Chapter 17

“Saddle my horse,” the command was sharp, it stabbed at Jinki’s heart and made him freeze in his tracks. He had been on his way to the tack room, a freshly cleaned bridle in hand when he suddenly found himself in the presence of the person he both longed and dreaded to see. He steeled his shoulders before turning to take in Miss Gwiboon and her forced nonchalant attitude. He wasn’t quite sure this was happened, halfway convinced he was still dreaming or maybe just having an elaborate fantasy. “Are you deaf, boy? Saddle my horse.” No. She was very much real.

“Ay, m’lady,” Jinki whispered, eyes on the ground, shame washing over him when he tried to even look at her. After days of wallowing the object of his affection was finally in front of him and it hurt more than he imagined. Her bitterness was palpable, poisoning the air around them. He fetched Cheonsa’s tack in silence, the two of them entering the stall while Jinki got to work. 

“Gwiboon darling! Hurry up!” the unmistakable voice of Lord Jonghyun called through the stables. Jinki’s stomach turned at the sound. His pet names and honey-soaked words making Jinki blanch. It was hard enough just to see Gwiboon, did he have to suffer through this layer of hell as well? 

“He is taking me to his manor today,” She informed Jinki, a clear attempt to provoke jealousy. What a trivial goal; ultimately pointless as well because Jinki had been green with jealousy since that first day he had seen them together, watching Miss Gwiboon make a fool of herself to get Lord Jonghyun to notice her. More than anything he was jealous of how careless they were allowed to be with each other. He wanted nothing more than to stand beside her, a position that Lord Jonghyun took for granted.

Jinki felt himself getting annoyed, not by her obvious bait, but by her lack of consideration. Seeing the two of them together was hard enough for him. It was a searing hot pain that continued to build inside of him. She wasn’t the only one here who was damaged and he really didn’t appreciate her using his feelings as a means to boost her own ego. She was being petty and it was unbecoming. Miss Gwiboon was a lot of things, but petty had never been one of them.

“M’lady, your business is your own,” He responded, his tone sharper than he had intended, making her smile in satisfaction.

“He has asked to court me as well,” Gwiboon said with smug satisfaction, “I, of course, agreed.”

Jinki said nothing in response, his fingers shaking around the leather saddle strap as he tried to keep himself in check. His pain, his longing, his sorrow… it seemed to morph into a rage, bubbling up inside himself. He knew better than to rise to her bait. While the Gwiboon he’d grown close to over the past few months was someone he could speak freely with, that Gwiboon was long gone.

“If all goes well, we shall be married by spring,” smile was full of satisfaction but it did not reach her eyes. How had they come to this? What god had he offended to be fated to suffer like this? 

“Do you think it wise, m’lady?” Jinki snapped with a glare to match her own.

“Do I think what wise?” She responded, low and challenging. 

“Do you think it wise to provoke me? Do you think it wise to get tangled in the web of Lord Jonghyun? Do you think it wise to be seen on an intimate outing knowing his reputation? _ Do you think it wise? _” Jinki hissed, no longer trying to hold emotions in.

“Do you think it wise to talk to a noble so?” She shot back, eyebrow raised.

“Well then have me flogged in the town square! It would be better than watching you throw away your family name for the likes of him! Do you not know, m’lady? Do you not know his reputation? The many women he has shamed? Do you not believe the rumors for I assure you, they are truth. He would sooner take a barmaid as his bride than you! You name will be tarnished. He is dangerous in ways you are too naive to understand,” Jinki seethed, his voice getting louder and louder. He should be more conscious of where they are, but he can’t see past the red behind his eyes. 

“How dare you? What does it matter to you? So he tarnishes my family name, no matter, my father has done a fine job of that already. There isn’t much further to fall on the social ladder! You think I don’t know? My name is insulted daily at the palace. I know what they say about me. Calling me a commoner and a wench for using my looks to try to land a husband. And they are correct! That is why I am here. You were right, I got carried away in the meadow, thinking that I could choose my own happiness over my duty to my family. I am a fool for thinking I could choose my path. But now, now I am merely taking your advice. You said it yourself, we cannot be together. However, I _ can _ be with Lord Jonghyun. He does not give me happiness but he can give me a new life. So why are you protesting when I am doing as you yourself said?” She challenged, pain seeping through her mask of anger. She was in as much pain as himself, the knowledge only made it more impossible for Jinki to go on. 

“M’lady, I know I’m not allowed to but I… I fear I care about what happens to you far too much. You deserve someone better than Lord Jonghyun. He may be able to give you a new life, but I’m afraid it is not a life anyone would willingly choose,” Jinki responded, his anger bleeding out just as quick as it had sprung up.

“Aye, but that is just the problem isn’t it? I already offered myself to someone better and I was rejected. Now I must settle for the bad and hope there is a silver lining,” Her eyes piercing as she spoke, making sure he remembered what she was referring to. As if Jinki could ever forget. Jinki’s heart constricted at her words, elated and crushed that she felt so strongly about him. It was a painful and comforting thing, to know that the one he loved reciprocated so fully. To think, she thought he, a low stable hand was better than a Lord. 

She turned away, reaching for the latch on the stall door, but Jinki couldn’t bear to watch her walk away again. He just couldn’t. His hand shot out before he could think about his actions, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back around. Her eyes were wide with surprise and glistening with unshed tears. She didn’t have a chance to get a word out before Jinki was crushing her to his chest, lips practically bruising in his attempt to convey his urgency. There was none of the gentleness, the uncertainty of their first kiss. No, this time Jinki was a full participant, wanting, needing to show her how deep his feelings ran as well. Her surprise melted, lips turning up into a smile against his own. Jinki didn’t know what came over him, body working against his mind as he pushed her back up against the wall, far from any prying eyes. He knotted his fingers in her beautiful hair, their bodies so close he could feel her heartbeat as he allowed his body to work off of instinct. 

Jinki’s heart was racing, adrenaline and sheer, unadulterated joy making him hyper-sensitive to her every move, the way her eyelashes fluttered against his cheek, how her lips were so pliable, so willing against his own. His arm found its way around her tiny waist, pulling her impossibly closer, the faintest whimper leaving her mouth at the action. Jinki let himself drown in her touch and suddenly the euphoric bubble they had been hiding in was popped by none other than Lord Jonghyun. “Gwiboon! Are you ready to go my darling?” His voice was far off but it made the two of them jolt back to reality. Jinki pulled back but his heart still racing from the taste of her lips. Her eyes opening slowly to meet his gaze, mirroring his emotions back.

“Don’t go with him.” The words fell from his lips in a desperate plea. The very thought of her going with some other man, ruining such a fragile figment of happiness they had just created felt like a crime against his own soul. 

She nodded, eyes never leaving his. Jinki pulled away, putting the necessary distance between them before Lord Jonghyun found them. She tried to fix her hair as best she could, but nothing could be done about the healthy glow of her cheeks or the way her chest was still rising and falling far too quickly. 

“Gwiboon?” Lord Jonghyun’s voice rang out once again, much closer than the first time.

Gwiboon took a deep breath, exiting the stall, “Jonghyun, I am here.”

“Darling! Wherever have you been? I’ve been calling you?” He feigned worry but Jinki detected agitation more than anything in his tone. Jinki’s mind was still fuzzy with euphoria, he could still taste her on his lips. 

“I’m so sorry. I’ve been here with my Cheonsa I’m afraid he appears unfit to ride at the moment,” Gwiboon’s lie rolled off her tongue like smooth silk.

“Oh goodness, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure we can find you a different mou--” Jonghyun began before she cut him off.

“That is unnecessary. I am feeling a bit feverish today as well. I think it best I go lie down,” Gwiboon added, leaving no room for argument. 

“My dear, why didn’t you say so sooner? We can’t have you running around the stables when you are ill. Off to bed with you,” Jonghyun responded, his words more playful than anything. He didn’t appear to be worried about her in the slightest. 

“Thank you for understanding. I am quite attached to my horse so once I’ve seen him attended to I will go back to my room and rest,” she assured him. 

“Would you like me to wait with you? I wouldn’t mind at all,” Jonghyun offered, always one for manners, however forced they may be.

“That’s not necessary. I’m sure you have many things to attend to. Please, do not dally on my account,” Gwiboon responded, gracing him with a warm smile. 

“Whatever you say, my dear,” he agreed without hesitation.

Gwiboon slipped back inside the stall, an awkward air settling between them as they listened to his footsteps get further and further away. Their passion that had let them let loose so freely only minutes before was now veiled by reality and it made the air between them thick with tension.

“M’lady, I--”

“No. No talking. No apologizing. I cannot bear to hear those words come from your mouth again,” She commanded, her shoulders falling and his tone tired.

Jinki smiled, a small chuckle falling from his lips, “I wasn’t going to apologize. I was going to say you have a bit of hay in your hair.”

“Oh, gods! I probably look an absolute fright, don’t I? Do you think Lord Jonghyun suspects?” She babbled as she patted at her hair with nervous fingers.

“No, m’lady. You look perfect. And I doubt he, or anyone else, suspects,” Jinki smiled, stepping closer and gently pulled the hay out of her rumpled curls.

“They wouldn’t, right? Goodness, we are fools, aren’t we?” She asked, not moving away as she looked up into his eyes, hers swimming with uncertainty.

“I’m afraid so,” Jinki replied, his hand settling against the gentle slope of her neck, the action making her shiver and Jinki suddenly felt drunk with happiness.

“If it is so foolish then why does it feel so...right?” She murmured.

“It does, doesn’t it? These past few days, knowing you were angered with me… it was difficult. Very much so. I do not wish to repeat the experience. You know as well as I that we can’t do this but… I can’t find it in myself to try to stop anymore,” Jinki replied. He knew they couldn’t do this. It would never work. So why couldn’t he seem to stop himself? The days of wallowing had only weakened his resolve and now that’d he’d tasted her lips… he was powerless to fight against himself any longer. 

“Then let’s not try,” she whispered, and Jinki felt himself nodded along with her, ignoring the rational part of his head in favor of drinking in the warmth of her skin and drowning in the light in her eyes. In that moment he knew, she was as blissfully happy as he felt and he couldn’t ask for more. 


	18. Chapter 18

“Let’s go for a ride,” she suggested, smiling up at him. The two of them were hidden away from the world in Cheonsa’s stall.

“Alright,” Jinki readily agreed. She let out a happy little squeal of excitement that made Jinki laugh. He felt like he might burst with happiness at any moment. He’d never dared to dream that he could be this happy, this in love. 

“Saddle him quickly, I shall meet you in the meadow. No dallying this time either. You know how I hate waiting,” she commanded in that playful tone of hers. 

“Whatever you wish, m’lady,” He responded, his eyes softening in fondness.

“You know that when we are alone you can just call me Gwiboon. All this title nonsense is getting a bit old don’t you think?” her voice dipping quieter, more serious than usual. 

Jinki blushed a little bit, looking down at his feet rather than meeting her eyes, “I— that— what if someone overheard?”

“Oh you worry too much,” she responded.

“And you, m’lady, are far too reckless.”

She only giggled in response.

Jinki shook his head, feeling as though he would suffocate from the affection he held for the woman before him. “Let’s go. I shall prepare the horses.”

Since that day, Gwiboon had found excuses to come to the stables near daily. She’d began playing up Cheonsa’s fictitious injury so she could spend her time in the stables while avoiding questioning looks. When Joonha asked Jinki about it, he had simply replied that Miss Gwiboon was making a mountain out of a molehill; the horse was fine. He didn’t want the elder to take it upon himself to check on the beast and see that he was in perfect condition. 

Jinki felt guilty for betraying Joonha’s trust. The man had taken care of him for years, treating him like a son, and Jinki was risking everything for a woman. The elder would be disappointed in him, but Jinki couldn’t find it in himself to care as soon as he saw Miss Gwiboon and her perfect smile that was reserved just for him. He realized he would do just about anything for this woman and that knowledge was as scary as it was exhilarating. 

Jinki sent her on her way and went to saddle a horse for himself. His face burned from the chill in the air but Jinki had a permanent smile on his face as he rode towards the meadow, knowing that she would be waiting there. It was a strange and wonderful feeling to know that she was just over the next hill, waiting so they could spend every spare second drinking in each other’s presence. He nudged his horse to go a bit faster, eager to be at her side. It felt like they were the only two people in the world when they were alone, far from the prying eyes of the palace. He couldn’t seem to help himself as he got more and more excited with each step he took closer to his love. 

“You always take so long,” Gwiboon whined when he arrived.

“I’m sorry, m’lady. I came as fast as I could.” He slid from the horse and tied it beside Cheonsa. Gwiboon was already seated on the sliver of grass they’d dubbed their own, her riding cloak pulled tight around her to protect against the bite in the air. Jinki settled beside her, feeling giddy just to be near her.

Jinki’s nerves always seemed to spike whenever he was alone with her. After his confession, there had been an awkwardness that lingered between them, both hesitant and unsure. Jinki had felt like a stuttering fool, blushing at ever brush of her hand when they were together. His mind would immediately jump to that day in the stables, when he’d let passion overcome rational thought. However, with each passing day the tension seemed to lessen. While Jinki still felt like a stuttering fool, Gwiboon seemed to be getting back to her old self - forward and reckless.

“It’s getting so cold,” Gwiboon whined, shooting Jinki a hopeful glance. The elder may have been inexperienced with women but Gwiboon didn’t often go for subtle tactics anyway, making it easy for even someone as simple as himself to understand. He scooted impossibly closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“Better?” He asked, his heartbeat quickening at the proximity. Every second he spent with her felt like he was drowning, he was so far out of his element but there was nowhere else he would rather be. He may be drowning but right now, he was pretty sure he would rather accept his fate than give up this feeling. 

She nodded with a soft smile, her warmth beside him so comfortable and inviting.

“Tell me more about you?” Jinki requested. 

“What would you like to know?”

“Everything?’

She laughed, “Let’s see… I am the eldest of two, my younger sister is my pride and joy and I miss her terribly. ‘My mother had complications from her birth, barely surviving herself, but it left her barren. I fear that is what led my father to his less than reputable ways; he never had a son to carry on the family name. Regardless, my parents are good people. My mother did her best to hide my father’s acts from the public eye, raising us with a strict hand. Likewise, our father is loving. It is easy to feel anger and betrayal at his actions but he has always been a doting parent. They are far from perfect but they are my family and I care for them deeply,” her voice was soft as she slipped into old memories.

“They sound lovely,” Jinki murmured against her hair, his fingers making a lazy trail up and down her arm as he listened to her words. 

“What about you?”

“I have already told you all there is to tell about my family!” Jinki chuckled.

“Well tell me something else then,” she requested, her arm snaking around his waist, toying with the hem of his shirt with restless fingers, her eyes wide and curious. 

“I can’t think of anything, you are being too distracting right now,” he muttered, causing her to giggle. He made no move to stop her, so her fingers continued to play with the fabric, gentle and teasing.

“How did you get so good with horses?” She asked.

“My father was a ferrier. When I was old enough, he started bringing me with him when he would travel around to the neighboring villages to tend to the horses. I was in charge of carrying his supplies and keeping the horses steady for him. I learned to be comfortable around horses at a young age and found I quite enjoyed it. Sometimes we would go to the manor on the other side of the river and the Lord’s stable hands would let me help them. They must have thought me a silly child who just wanted attention but I actually learned a lot from them,” Jinki spoke of his past with a fond smile, memories of his father flooding his mind. It had been such a long time now since he had seen his father. He did miss him, would always miss him, however, enough time had passed that he was able to remember without the hurt. The longing would never fully go away, but it no longer ached inside to remember that his father was no longer with him. 

“You really do enjoy working at the stables, don’t you?”

“Of course. I like the work and I am able to handle the finest horses in the whole country. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be riding the mare that belonged to the queen,” Jinki nodded to Nari who was grazing quietly beside Gwiboon’s own Cheonsa. “What about you? I want to hear more about your childhood too,” Jinki asked, deflecting the conversation away from himself. His fingers absentmindedly training up and down her arm.

“My childhood? I was considered a rather odd child. My mother was at her wits end dealing with me. I was always outside, playing in the dirt or at the stables begging the stable hands to take me for a ride on my favorite horse, a stallion named Major, black as midnight with quite the temper. Goodness he was a gorgeous creature. Of course my mother forbid me to even go near the stall, saying it was far too dangerous, but I would sneak treats from the kitchens for him. It didn’t take too long before he grew comfortable in my presence. 

“My father doted on me a lot. I think my behavior fulfilled some of that longing to have a son for him so he encouraged it for as long as my mother would tolerate. She hated it though. Forcing me to spend hours practicing needlepoint and hiring tutor after tutor to teach me the most boring subjects. I always envied the commoners as a child. They didn’t have to learn to read or memorize the royal lineage! And on top of that, they were allowed to play outside with the horses whenever they wanted! I was a simple child, only seeing those things as the differences between social class and I would have given anything as a child to live the life of a commoner. As I grew older, I was forced to stay inside and focus on my studies. My mother started severely punishing any servants who helped me evade my lessons and the stable hands were under strict orders to shoo me away if I stepped foot in the stables. I found ways around that of course, but it was exhausting.”

“Did you ever get to ride the stallion?” Jinki asked.

“Of course. That’s how I learned to ride bareback,” She laughed. 

Jinki smiled. It was so like her, to pick the most dangerous of animals and teach herself to ride. Silence fell over them again and Jinki letting out a soft sigh.

“Must we go back to the palace soon?” Gwiboon asked, anticipating his next words. 

Jinki sighed again, “It would be best.” His regret and hesitation obvious, he did not want to leave their safe haven. He pulled himself to his feet, admiring the flush of her cheeks, the cold tinting them a rosy pink, before offering Gwiboon a hand.

She took it, grudgingly, and carefully dusted off her dress. “Shall we ride again tomorrow?” She asked, a hopeful note in her tone. 

Jinki smiled. He would be forever amazed that this woman wanted to spend her time with him. It made no sense but Jinki could do nothing but accept it and bask in his luck. “If you wish, m’lady.” 

She smiled in that soft way that made the faintest of dimples appear on her cheeks and Jinki was once again, smitten. 

~~~

Jinki arrived back at the stables first, untacking the mare and giving her a quick once over with the brush. She hadn’t even worked up a sweat since they only went to the meadow, ignoring her workout in favor of spending more with Miss Gwiboon. Who was he becoming? Neglecting his work because of a woman? It was a thought process he had never been able to understand before and now it was his life. 

As he had finished with the mare, he saw Miss Gwiboon approaching the stables. Perfect timing. He hurried to put his tack away before going to greet her, both of them falling back into their roles seamlessly. Miss Gwiboon played the part of an overbearing noble, watching Jinki’s ever move like a hawk so to keep others from suspecting. Likewise, Jinki kept his words polite and tried his best to fight off the adoring smile that seemed to slip onto his face so easily when he was with her. 

Once Cheonsa was put away, Jinki began walking her back towards the palace pretending like they were discussing Cheonsa’s fictitious injury and recovery whenever they were seen while they cut through one of the lesser-used barns. They were too engrossed in sneaking the slightest touches and trying to hide lovesick smiles that neither of them noticed the presence of hidden voices until they were right upon them, secretive whispers coming from the hayloft. Jinki raised his eyebrow, the two of them looking at each other in wonder. Jinki had never been one to eavesdrop; pulling at her arm to be on their way while still undetected when he heard the voices again, this time loud and clear and he froze. He knew that voice…

“I wanted to see you; talk to you. Please?”

“What is there to talk about? Ugh, and why here? My tunic is getting all musty,” the man whined, sounding rather childish. 

“Stop it Hyun, you know why here. I wanted to _ talk, _ and no one will find us here. Plus, this place brings back some good memories, doesn’t it?” 

“Don’t you dare, Choi Minho. You lost the right to speak so informally to me and you definitely don’t get to bring up the past,” his voice like ice.

“You are right. I apologize,” Minho responded, almost too quiet for them to hear. 

“You wanted to talk? Well, let’s _ talk. _I have no room for the likes of you in my social schedule. We have already severed all ties so let’s keep it that way, shall we? Just so you know, I am officially courting Kim Gwiboon now and I will ask for her hand by the end of the season.”

The sharp intake of breath was hard to misconstrue, “You— you care for her?”

“Of course not. I am not like you. I cannot deny who I am with such ease. However, I have little choice. My family is pressuring me to take a wife. She is as good a choice as any. I enjoy Gwiboon’s company, nothing more, nothing less.”

“I see you still think so highly of me,” Minho sounded annoyed.

“I simply regret giving my heart or my body to someone so calloused as yourself. No matter, the past is the past. I was but a boy. I shall not make the same mistake twice.” 

“I— I am sorry. I did— do care for you. We both know why—” Minho began, his tone pleading for understanding.

“I’m not interested in your excuses. Are we done here? I trust I will not see you around the palace much from now on?”

“If that is your wish.” 

“It is.”

“Alright.” Jinki had never heard such sadness, such hopelessness in Sir Minho’s tone. The young man was always happy and brimming with confidence whenever Jinki saw him. However, now he sounded older, worn in a way that was disproportionate to his age. 

Jinki’s head reeled at the information. Sir Minho and Lord Jonghyun were… two men… together… He had never given such an idea any room in his mind. However it made sense. It was the missing piece to the puzzle and it all started to come together now, the abrupt change in Lord Jonghyun and his ended “friendship” with Sir Minho. Lord Jonghyun’s attitude toward women… it all fit. None of that really mattered to Jinki however, because Lord Jonghyun just confirmed his deepest fear. Lord Jonghyun planned to wed Gwiboon. He planned to ask her hand when he had no feelings for her. Lord Jonghyun planned to take Gwiboon away from Jinki, and they all knew he would succeed. It had been mere days that he and Gwiboon had carved out this fragment of stolen happiness and already it was slipping through his fingers like water, vanishing like a puff of smoke before his eyes. Jinki’s heart was racing and his eyes prickled with tears. He had always known he couldn’t have her, not really. However, that knowledge seemed to have evaded his heart, the piece inside him that was now cracked and broken.

She was going to marry another.

She was going to marry Lord Jonghyun. 


	19. Chapter 19

The cold that gripped the land felt ominous of Jinki’s life. He wouldn’t say he was avoiding Miss Gwiboon, but there was a tangible barrier between them that hadn’t existed before. Even when they were alone, Jinki kept more of a distance, both physical and mental. Every touch was hesitant and he took pains to keep his speech polite at all times. The cold made it harder to find time alone anyway. Miss Gwiboon was not stupid nor Jinki blind to the hurt in her eyes. Jinki hated it. He hated it so much but what else could he do? In an instant their euphoric bubble had been shattered by reality, she wasn’t his; she was going to marry another man. She was going to have a life, a family with someone who wasn’t Jinki. This dangerous little affair they were toying with was going to end. They had been playing with fire from the very beginning and Jinki was just now realizing that he would be engulfed in flames if he continued. 

He knew they should talk, be mature about the situation and get on the same page, but Jinki just couldn’t. He knew how this ended and he wanted to delay the inevitable as long as possible. She was not oblivious to his change in demeanor, her smile falling each time he turned down her offer to go riding, claiming he had work to do and did not have time. She didn’t push him for answers, just sighing in tired understanding. It only served to make him feel worse. 

“Jinki,” Joonha’s sharp call pulled Jinki from his thoughts. He had a tendency to do that these days, drifting off into his own mind, reliving each painful and wonderful moments they had shared and stressing about the future. It was distracting and he knew it was obvious to anyone at this point. 

“Yes, hyung?”

“Come,” the elder commanded, leading him to the tack room, shutting the door behind them before fixing Jinki with a hard stare, “Talk.”

“What?” Jinki said. Joonha had always been a man of few words.

“What is bothering you boy? It’s eating you alive. Get it out. Talk,” he commanded again.

“Hyung I— I’m fine,” Jinki started to argue, panic spreading through his veins. Joonha couldn’t know. No one could know. What Jinki and Gwiboon were doing was dangerous. It could ruin them both. If Joonha had figured it out then who else might have as well? 

“And I’m not stupid,” the elder said dryly. 

“Hyung I know I’ve been rather distracted lately. I’m sorry. I’ll do better,” Jinki responded but the words were tight in his throat. 

“It’s about her, isn’t it?” Joonha uttered, his voice dropping lower.

“Her?” Jinki focused on keeping his voice and his breathing even, failing on both counts. 

“Jinki, I said I’m not stupid,” Joonha glared in annoyance but his eyes remained understanding and Jinki could tell, Joonha already knew everything. The elder could read him like a book after all these years, filling in the gaps with educated guesses to solve the puzzle. 

“I— yes,” He whispered, his whole body sagging at the confession. The weight of hiding the truth vanished from his weary shoulders. He would have been relieved but there was too much pain in the truth for that. 

“How long?”

“Not long. A fortnight? We both— the feelings have been there far longer but we tried to keep them in check.”

“No one has seen you?”

“No one,” Jinki confirmed.

“You haven’t told anyone?”

“No one.”

“What do you plan to do?”

Jinki’s silence seemed to serve as the answer Joonha was looking for. 

“I heard she is to marry Lord Jonghyun?” Joonha said.

“Yes. It has not been announced officially but… yes.” The words tasted foul on his tongue. He hated to even think the truth, let alone have to say it aloud.

Joonha nodded, laying a comforting hand on Jinki’s shoulder, “You already know what will become of the two of you. If you truly care for her then don’t risk her reputation, it will only make things harder once the inevitable comes.” Joonha slipped from the room leaving Jinki with his thoughts. 

~~~

Jinki was not surprised when Miss Gwiboon announced her intentions to visit her family’s manor once again. She must announce their intent to marry after all. Joonha looks at him with pity while relaying the message that he must once again accompany her to the northern city. It appeared Lord Jonghyun couldn’t make it to the happy occasion so she would go alone. Unfortunately, or fortunately, that meant Jinki would be alone with Miss Gwiboon once again. Something he had managed to avoid for quite some time now. The conversation with Joonha had served as a much-needed wake up call to Jinki. They were both risking so much for the most fleeting moment of happiness. They both knew it was temporary, they both knew it must end before they were found out. The fragile web they had woven was now being tested, torn down by the realities of this world. 

The morning was frigid and eerily quiet. Neither of them spoke as Jinki went about preparing the carriage, his fingers numb from the cold and they hadn’t even left the stables yet. He could hear the wind howling through the trees, promising a rough journey. 

Jinki had prepared well for their trip. The carriage packed to the brim with blankets and a few pieces of fur to help fight away the cold. Madame Kim had really outdone herself with the food rations. Undoubtedly, the woman had not forgotten about the previous issues they had encountered while traveling. 

“M’lady? Are you ready to depart?” Jinki asked her, keeping things polite even though they were the only ones around. 

Her teeth worrying her lip as she nodded, her usual attitude was gone, replaced by a meek, quiet woman who looked weary and aged beyond her years. Without any fanfare they set off on the lengthy trip, Jinki lost in his own world of thoughts, unsure how this weekend was going to pan out. The bitter cold helped to distract him from the painful ball of emotion that was sitting on his chest; all too aware of how alone they were right now.

~~~

The trip was dull and muted in comparison to the last. The silence was deafening between them, neither seemed to know what to say or if they should even try. The weather was dreary, the remnants of the past weeks slow dripping from the trees and making the ground soft and sludgy. The only sound to be heard was the horses’ hooves squishing in the mud and the creaking of the carriage wheels. Jinki sat numb, his fingers stiff and his face felt frozen from the cold. He could feel how the wind burn his cheeks, but still it wasn’t enough to distract from the mess within his mind. The hours ticked by, the weather making the trip take longer than last time.

Jinki pulled his many layers tighter around his body, fruitlessly trying to block the wind when Miss Gwiboon startled him out of his thoughts.

“Jinki. Please stop the carriage.”

“M’lady? Is something wrong?” Jinki asked. They were the first words she’d said to him all day and he clung to them like a lifeline.

“Ay.”

Jinki pulled the horses to a stop, jumping down from his perch and pulling the carriage door open. 

“M’lady, whatever is the matter?”

“Get inside, you are letting the warmth out,” She scolded.

“M’lady, what is going on?” Jinki questioned, not making a move to follow her instructions. 

“We are spending the night,” She said responded, her tone final.

“Miss. There is no need. You shall be home soon enough,” Jinki said.

“I said, we will spend the night. The manor is not expecting us until daybreak,” she responded.

“Miss Gwiboon,” Jinki began, fluster and wholly unsure what he was supposed to do in such a situation. He was trying to avoid this woman and she was really not going to let him, was she?

“Go tend to the horses,” She responded, pulling the door shut with an authoritative snap. 

Jinki sighed, uncomfortable with how this evening was playing out. With a heavy heart he set about pulling the carriage off the road, getting the horses tethered to a nearby tree and covering them with thick woolen blankets before giving them a healthy ration of oats for the night. He wanted to stall, to delay the inevitable but it was too damn cold. 

He knocked on the door, opening it once she responded. He slid into the carriage, sighing in relief at the lack of wind biting at him. Gwiboon passed his a few of the blankets, allowing him to get comfortable as the tension between them heightened. 

“Miss Gwiboon, why are you doing this?”

“You do not know? I cannot stand you avoiding me for a moment longer,” she said.

“M’lady, I let my emotions get the better of me before and for that I apologize. I have caused you shame and gambled with dangerous odds because of my selfishness. I don’t plan to do it again,” Jinki’s words were calculated, planned. 

“And why is it your decision alone? My reputation is not your concern, Lee Jinki. I made a choice that day too and unlike you, I meant every word!” Her words bled with emotion.

“M’lady thinks me insincere?” He questioned, a humorless smile pulling at his lips. Everything he’d done was for her sake, because he was hopelessly in love and couldn’t bear the thought of his own status pulling her down or shaming her. 

“You embrace me with passion one day only to shun me the next. What conclusion should I draw from such actions?” she countered, her eyes daring him to deny it. 

“Do you not understand, m’lady? Are you so blind? We are not destined to be! I cannot give you what you want, what you need. There is no future for us. I selfishly reached for something beyond my ability to grasp and now I must suffer for my greed,” he said, all but pleading for her to understand.

“You think me so dim? That I do not understand what I am asking? What I want is you, what I need is you. There is nothing else. My station is questionable as is! All I have is my pride and I offer it to you! Why must you make me beg?” Jinki’s heart clenched in pain. He could see it so clearly, just the two of them living in a cottage in a little town far away from here. Simple pleasures— riding together, starting a family, growing old together with gray hair and happiness. He could see it and he wanted it so bad. He wanted to just take this carriage and flee together. As beautiful as that picture was to him, he knew they couldn’t. She had a family and responsibilities of her own. He couldn’t ask her to sever all ties with her loved ones to come live a humble and low life as a peasant in the countryside. She would be miserable and grow resentful of him. Their happiness would be short and worst of all; she could never go back. She would be a tainted woman, forever resigned to a servant, unable to return to her old life no matter how much she wanted it. He couldn’t do that to the woman he loved. It was unfair. It was selfish. It wasn’t what she deserved. 

“M’lady, do you not see? You are to marry Lord Jonghyun. You will have your station and your pride. You can have it all!” He needed her to understand, to see reason. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her. He did. So much it pained him. But her livelihood was more important than his happiness.

“To marry a man who doesn’t care for me? A man will always look to another forever? I heard as well as you, don’t think me a fool. I am not and will never be what he wants. Nor he what I want,” her voice was raw with honesty and unshed tears.

“M’lady, marrying for love is a luxury few will ever know. Fate is not on our side,” he responded softly, looking down at his hands and avoiding her gaze.

“That is it? You do not even try?” 

“M’lady, I— I must do what is best for those I care about, my family, and you. I jeopardize my family’s well being by daring to even think of you so. And I risk your reputation. If any were to discover us, this… I could not protect you. What kind of man am I that I cannot protect the woman that I love? You think me cowardly but for me, it is far more cowardly to risk so much for my own selfish desires when I have no ability to protect you.” 

“There is nothing I can say, is there? No way to change your thinking?” Her voice growing shaky.

“M’lady, Gwiboon, love is not enough,” he whispered. 

Jinki felt his heart shatter at the tears in her eyes. She looked so defeated, as if her only hope was riding on this conversation and he had just stepped on it. He felt his resolve weakening, the possibility of them being together swimming around in his head like a dangerous harpy. He wanted it as much as she, his heart pleading for him to let go of his worries and embrace her like he longed to, like his fingers itched to. They wanted each other and it was a cruel twist of fate that they were allowed to see how perfect they fit together before being ripped apart. 

Jinki leaned forward, taking her hand in his, relishing how it made the butterflies flutter inside his chest, “Gwiboon, please understand me. I want… I want to be with you so much it scares me. I never imagined I would ever meet a woman I was so enthralled with. And it hurts me in ways I didn’t know were possible to hurt because I cannot have you. To know that you will give your hand, your heart, your body to another man, I feel so hurt and angered just by the thought but I have no right to. I long to embrace our childish drive to flee, run away where we could be free and happy and together. But you know as well as I that we cannot. It is not our fate. What is best for you is to stay far away from the likes of me. I— I love you Kim Gwiboon, so I will make the decision you will not,” Jinki’s words hurt, burning his throat on their way up but he knew, deep inside himself it was necessary. 

“Jinki—” the tears kept streaming down her face, hopelessness marring her perfect features. Rather than pulling away, she flung her arms around him, tears wetting his neck, sliding down to collect at his collar as she sobbed, broken before him. 

He held her close, savoring the moment for as long as it would last, letting her scent, her presence imprint on his memory forever as he whispered the only words he heart could muster up, “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” 

She cried herself to sleep in his arms, Jinki holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world. Jinki stayed up as long as he could, enjoying the feeling of her warm body pressed against his, arms looped around his waist and her cheek pressed into his shoulder. He allowed himself to indulge, to enjoy the bittersweet moment and pepper her temple with tender kisses. No longer feeling the need to remain strong before her, he let his tears stream in silence down his face, as his eyelids grew heavier, pulling him into a dreamless sleep.

At daybreak he slipped from her embrace, readying the horses and setting out once again for the Northern city, his heart empty and his mind blank. 

~~~

Rather than enjoying himself in the new city like he had done the last time, he hid in the stables at Miss Gwiboon’s family manor. He spend far more time than necessary caring for the horses before he found a dark, out of the way corner, sliding down to the floor, and allowing himself a quick nap to ease his exhausted mind. He slipped away easily, his mind overworked and tired from all the newfound stress in his life. 

He slept the afternoon away, startled awake by an unfamiliar stable boy shaking him and announcing that Miss Gwiboon was ready to return so it was time to prepare the horses. Jinki went through the motions rather mechanically, still hazy from sleep. With the aid of a few of the stable workers, they had the carriage hitched and the horses prepared for the journey ahead of them. Jinki drove the carriage to the front, waiting in patient silence despite the frigid cold for Miss Gwiboon to emerge. Mercifully, she didn’t keep him waiting long, her demeanor solemn and her eyes puffy, contrast to her family's joyful attitudes. She let the page load the carriage with packages before getting inside herself. Jinki gave a nod to the other servants before setting off at a quick pace, eager to get home and out of this cold weather. Soon the city lights were behind them, entering the thick forest, heavy with darkness, the layer of snow making it feel eerily quiet. 

Not a single word was shared between them during the trip back.


	20. Chapter 20

Jinki knew he had done the right thing, the only thing. However, everything inside him ached to take it all back, to grab her hand and ride off together forever. His mind told him how stupid that was, but his heart, his soul begged for it because what is life without happiness or love? Everything inside him hurt. His heart and soul ached for the relief only she could provide him. 

Jinki began to draw into himself as the days dragged on. It was just too much; too hard to try and act like everything was okay when it was irrevocably not. Miss Gwiboon was no longer coming to the stables, further convincing Jinki that she had finally accepted the reality of the situation. It was another stab to his fragile heart but he had expected it. He had hoped for it. Seeing each other was too hard on them both anyway. This was better. The distance, it was necessary for them to be able to go on. 

The only problem was that everything seemed to remind him of her. The clacking of boots resounding through the stables, the howl of the wind, the snow banks twinkling in the sunlight. It was a simple and nasty turn of fate that he was put in charge of exercising Cheonsa through the winter. Everyday, he had to enter the stall where he first declared his love for her, where they shared their first kiss, where it all started. However, he was reminded daily of her in everything that he did anyway, what was one more reminder? 

The cold weather reflecting on his feelings, bitter and biting. The nights long and the days longer as Jinki toiled at the palace daily with dead, lifeless eyes. He threw himself into his work, hoping to distract from his mind and his heart from the endless battle raging inside himself. He could feel the worry shot his way. Taemin did his best to be cheerful and happy, offering his help in any way he could and filling the silence with chatter. Likewise, Madam Kim began to fuss over him more and more, tutting at how his muscular frame was starting to look haggard and aged, and pulling him into a motherly hug whenever she could. 

Each day seemed to blend in with the next, Jinki did not have the desire to even keep up with the calendar. What was the use? His life was a perpetual winter and he had resigned to simply live in it. As painful as life was, he dreaded the upcoming spring even more. Spring, the season of celebration of new life, Gwiboon’s new life. Jinki didn’t have much to celebrate.

“Jinki!” the call rang loud and clear through the empty stables. Jinki jumped a bit as he was wrenched from his thoughts. He turned at the call, forcing a smile on his face.

“Ah! Sir Minho! I did not know you were at the palace,” Jinki greeted him with a polite bow.

“Yes, I had some palace business to attend to. These are dark times, my friend. The borders again,” He sighed, “The work of a knight is never done I am afraid.”

“Would you like—” Jinki began but was cut off.

“Lord Jonghyun,” Minho said in greeting, his eyes locked on the man behind Jinki.

“Minho,” Jonghyun’s reply felt colder than the snow outside.

“How— how are you?” Minho asked, his tone uncertain.

“Can we not do this? We have said all there is to be said,” Jonghyun remarked, not seeming to care that they were not alone. 

Minho nodded, dejected and painted with hurt. The sound of Lord Jonghyun’s boots echoed through the hallway as he proceeded on his way. 

“Sir Minho, I--” Jinki didn’t know what to say. He wanted to admit his knowledge of the situation, to offer his condolences. However, he knew the knight would not appreciate such a secret being out, even to one as lowly as he. Jinki could never admit to how he’d overheard either… that would be admitting to his time alone with Miss Gwiboon as well. “May I take Goin for you?” Jinki finally asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Sir Minho responded. Embarrassment colored his cheeks but Jinki pretended not to see.

They were two sides of the same coin. Different in every way, but they shared a common core. Both of them were pining for a love they were not destined to have. Both of them were denying their heart for the sake of another. Both of them were miserable. It was comforting to know he wasn’t alone in his pain but it didn’t alleviate the sadness inside himself. Their situations were hopeless. 

~~~

“So, you know?”

Jinki looked up from his work to find none other than Lord Jonghyun glaring at him. Like usual, the Lord carrying around an air of importance and power that made Jinki feel uncomfortable. However, today his face was set into an ugly scowl, not even attempting to mask his emotions. 

“Whatever do you mean my Lord?” Jinki responded, polite and guarded.

“Do not play dumb with me. I spoke with Gwiboon. She told me that the two of you heard,” Lord Jonghyun sounded angry, annoyed at Jinki’s lack of forthcoming words.

“Ay, that is correct,” Jinki confirmed, turning back to his task as if the conversation was finished.

“Tell me why?” Jonghyun demanded.

“Why?” Jinki’s tone shot up in question. 

“Why did you keep it a secret? She told me all. I know of you and Gwiboon. I know your dislike for me that started long before she arrived at the palace. You could have ruined me but you kept my secret safe. Why?” Jonghyun’s tone still angry but it was tinged with fear. 

“You are to marry Miss Gwiboon. Why would I tarnish the reputation of the one destined to protect her? Would I not only be hurting her in the process?” Jinki shot back. He struggled to keep his voice even but something told him that Jonghyun cared little for politeness or class differences during such a conversation.

“You truly have no plans to pursue her?” Jonghyun questioned, confusion coloring his expression.

“I have nothing to offer her. Being associated with me will only bring her shame and dishonor,” Jinki said, a difficult thing to admit to another but it was truth.

“And happiness,” Jonghyun quipped.

“Happiness is fleeting,” Jinki snapped.

“Love and happiness are eternal,” Jonghyun said.

“We are of different worlds, my lord. I cannot take Miss Gwiboon from her life of decadence and power and ask her to live humbly beside me, working til her dying day for something as situational as happiness. She deserves better and she shall have it,” the words hurt Jinki to say. To vocalize why he couldn’t ask Miss Gwiboon to stay with him. In order for them to be together, she had to give up everything. The only sacrifice came from her while Jinki reaped the rewards. It was too much to ask of the one he loved.

“You care deeply for her. I can see that,” Jonghyun said with a nod of confirmation.

“I do,” Jinki whispered.

“And therefore you must hate me. Knowing that she shall marry me when there is no love or feelings between us. Knowing that I get the one you love when I cannot and will not show her the love and emotion that you can.”

“Aye, I do,” Jinki said once again.

Jonghyun’s lips quirked into a smile at Jinki’s honest words. “I cannot blame you. I would feel the same if Sir Minho were to take a wife. For what it’s worth, I will care for her like a sister. Miss Gwiboon has become a dear friend to me, someone I am growing to trust. You needn’t worry about her wellbeing. While I cannot give her true happiness, I can give her family security and I can give her a life of status and power. She shall be cared for and respected.”

“I cannot ask for more,” Jinki whispered, his head hung low.

“I am— I am sorry, Jinki. The world we live in is unfair. I wish, for both our sakes, that things were different. That we could both be with the ones we love,” the raw honesty in his words was so foreign.

“You aren’t such a bad person, Lord Jonghyun. Forgive me for thinking ill of you all this time,” Jinki said. He was starting to see how Lord Jonghyun wore a mask much like Giwboon. He knew that Lord Jonghyun would never be a man he would like, but he was becoming a man Jinki could trust and respect. 

“Thank you Jinki, but by all means, hate me if it will make the pain easier to bear,” Jonghyun responded with a crooked, friendly smile. The first smile Jinki had seen on the Lord that didn’t look fake or forced. 

Jinki’s lips upturned a bit at that, “I think I will, but it will be so much harder now, knowing the truth.”

“The truth does not always change things. You know this as well as I,” Jonghyun replied, giving Jinki a nod before walking away, leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

~~~

The land was beginning to thaw, the snow melting and early spring flowers poking out from the damp earth. Spring was upon them and Jinki would usually be grateful. This year however, the date of Miss Gwiboon’s wedding loomed over him like a dark cloud. Each passing day meant it was that much closer, that much more real. Each passing day meant his heart sunk deeper and deeper into the black abyss of despair. 

“Hyung?” Taemin called soft and gentle.

“Yes?” Jinki responded, his tone weary, sounding far older than he really was. 

“Remember what I said before? You can always talk to me,” the younger told him, laying a comforting hand against his shoulder.

Jinki’s lips upturned into a fond smile, the light not quite reaching his eyes, “Thank you Taemin, but there isn’t anything you can do.”

“But maybe it would help to talk about it? Do you need to take some time off to rest? We can talk to Joonha hyung. I’ll help cover your workload! I just want you to get better hyung.”

“Thank you Taemin. I appreciate it, I really do. There isn’t anything to be done though so please, do not worry about it,” Jinki tried to smile. The motion felt foreign to his muscles now. He was sure smiling used to be natural to him but not anymore. 

“Hyung, there is always something. Tell me what’s wrong and maybe I can help you—”

“Taemin,” Jinki groaned in frustration.

“Hyung, nothing is impossible,” Taemin said, concern painted clearly on his face. 

“I wish I were as optimistic as you. Thank you, Taemin. Truely. I’m sorry for worrying you so. I am going to go take my break,” Jinki said, ignoring the fact that it was still early morning and he still had work to do. He needed space.

Taemin nodded in understanding, a sigh of frustration falling from his lips. Jinki ruffled his hair affectionately, giving his a small smile. 

Jinki found himself on the roof once again, paintbrush in hand and a blank canvas, endless possibilities in his mind but his hand remained stationary. What was the point? Drawing picture after picture that he would end up burning out of sheer annoyance? Putting his emotions into a painting wasn’t helping him sort out his emotions. They were already sorted just fine. It wasn’t helping him deal with his emotions because what was there to deal with? All it was doing was helping him to hold onto his pain, using it to fuel his muse when what he truly needed was to let it go. He had to let it go. It was literally killing him from the inside out. With an unsatisfied sigh, he left his canvas untouched, as bare as his soul.

~~~

The date of the wedding inched closer, neither Gwiboon nor Lord Jonghyun made an appearance at the stables, but still, the gossip met his ears at every turn. Lord Jonghyun was _ getting married _. The conniving snake was settling down with one woman, proclaiming it before God and man. It was making his sick to his stomach. In the end, Jinki did the only thing he could; he decided to remove himself from the picture, anything to ease the suffering.

“Hyung, I have something to discuss with you,” Jinki said, his voice strong, full of resolve.

“What is it, Jinki?”

“I plan to leave the palace. I want to return home to see my family,” Jinki informed him.

“Ay, it has been many years, has it not?” Joonha responded, not showing even a hint of surprise.

“It has.”

“Is that the only reason?” Joonha questioned, a knowing look in his eyes.

“I—”

“You do what you must. Take your time, there will always be a position open to you at the palace.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“I expect you to finish out the week but then you are free to leave or stay,” The elder said.

“I understand,” Jinki nodded, the tension in his shoulders releasing. Joonha knew all, he had expected this and wasn’t going to argue or try to get Jinki to reconsider. 

“And Jinki,” He called out as Jinki made to leave the stable office.

“Yes?”

“Don’t leave until you have closed that door entirely. Say your piece to whomever need to hear it. Do not leave until it is resolved. It is cowardly to run from your problems,” Joonha said, his sage advice hitting Jinki to his core. He nodded in understanding, heart heavy with the task Joonha had laid on him but for the first time in months he had hope, and a future to look forward to. 

He was going to see his family again. 


	21. Chapter 21

Telling Joonha had been the easy part. However, Jinki still had to find a way to break it to Madame Kim that he was leaving. While she always pestered Jinki about going back to visit his family, he knew she thought of him as her own blood and would hate to see him leave. Likewise, he hated to leave her. She meant more to him that he could put into words. She was truly like a mother to him and he loved her dearly. She was so important to his life; he feared it would be just as painful to separate from her as it had been to be parted from his real mother. 

He hadn’t the heart to tell Taemin yet either. He had figured it would be easier to tell them together. However, he questioned that decision now as he felt like he was walking to the guillotine rather than the kitchens with a happy, oblivious Taemin by his side. 

The kitchens were as busy as usual, but rather than being comforting, the intoxicating smells made him feel nauseous and the noises made his head ache. 

“Jinki dear, are you alright? Are you ill?” Madame Kim asked; her eyes worried as she took in his haggard appearance and lack of appetite. 

“I-- umm… can you sit down? I have something to say,” Jinki said, squaring his shoulders and building his resolve.

“Oh dear,” the woman muttered, wiping her hands off on her apron before grabbing Jinki’s hand and settling herself in the seat beside him.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Taemin asked, his food sat, forgotten before him.

“I— I am returned to my family in a week's time,” Jinki finally said.

“Oh Jinki, that’s wonderful! Your poor mother has been missing you for far too long. How long will you be gone? When do you leave? I will prepare you a feast! It is a long trip, is it not? Tell me and I will prepare everything you need,” she said, ready to jump up and begin preparations.

Jinki couldn’t bring himself to smile as he laid a calming hand on her arm, “I think you misunderstood, I am not… I’m not just visiting. I am leaving the palace.”

The hustle and bustle around them hadn’t subsided but a deafening silence overcame the three, lost in their own bubble of emotion.

“Hyung… why?” Taemin asked, his voice shaky and unstable. 

“I need a change. You both know that I am no longer happy here and I wish to spend time with my family again. It has been many years. I miss them terribly and everyday here seems to be harder than the day before. I feel my time here is coming to an end,” Jinki explained. How could he stay when the one he loved was to marry another? 

“I’m not stupid, hyung! This is all about  _ her _ , isn’t it? You are leaving us because of some noble-blooded  _ whore  _ who trampled on your heart,” Taemin’s words were like acid spilling out. The hurt was obvious in his eyes but his anger lashed out instead.

“Taemin!” Jinki said. He hadn’t thought such words could come from Taemin; he was such a kind, mild-mannered child. 

“I’m glad she’s marrying that horrible Lord. She never deserved someone like you in the first place,” Taemin spat out, stomping from the room earning more than a few curious glances from the others in the kitchen. 

Jinki felt like he had been slapped in the face. It seemed he simply couldn’t win. If he stayed he would be miserable and if he left he would make those he cared for miserable. Madame Kim pulled him into a tight hug, cooing softly into his hair, “He doesn’t mean that; he’s just upset. He’s just a pup, he doesn’t understand.” 

Jinki nodded weakly against her chest but the tears welled up. He hadn’t expected that reaction from Taemin. “You aren’t going to ask?” he whispered.

“Ask what?”

“Don’t—“ His voice was clogged with unshed tears.

“There’s nothing to ask, my dear. Have you forgotten? I am Madame Kim and I have known you since you were a small boy. I knew where you heart was long before yourself was aware,” she whispered against his ear.

“Was I so transparent?” He asked, pulling away to look up into her warm smile.

“No, darling. I’m just that good,” she said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Do you feel the same? Do you think me stupid for allowing this to happen?”

“No, Jinki. And neither does Taemin. He is but a child. He has no concept of love and the power it wields over us all. The heart wants what the heart wants and it knows no bounds.”

“I’m just trying to— it hurts. Counting the days til she is wed to another. Equal parts hoping and dreading that she will walk into the stables, needing to see her and knowing I will never move on if I see her face again,” Jinki tried to explain but there were no words for the pain and longing that warred inside of him. 

“You poor child. She feels as you do?”

Jinki nodded. 

“This a sad world we live in. For two people to find love in each other is rare indeed. Tis a cruel twist of fate to keep you separated,” she held him close, rocking gently to soothe his weary soul. “You feel it best? To leave?”

“What else can I do? I feel my very soul is dying within me. I cannot change this fate; I must learn to live with it. I just want to get away, for the palace, from this part of my life, from…her. It is too painful.”

“Then go. But know there will always be a place for you here. I shall miss you,” she gave him a firm squeeze.

“I will miss you too,” Jinki said. He would miss them all.

~~~

It took a few days for Taemin to come around. The calendar ticking closer and closer to the day Jinki would depart and soon enough the younger decided to lay aside his resentment and make peace.

“Want to eat lunch together today, hyung?” Taemin asked, his voice soft and meek as he leaned over the stall door where Jinki was working. 

Jinki blinked at him in surprise, “I would like that,” Jinki agreed.

Taemin nodded.

“Don’t you think we should talk first?” Jinki asked, a soft, understanding smile pulling at his lips.

“I was kind of hoping we could skip over that part,” Taemin mumbled, digging the toe of his boot into the dirt and avoiding Jinki’s eye.

“I’d like it if we didn’t,” Jinki said, his words soft and kind.

Taemin nodded again, stepping to the side so Jinki could exit the stall. Following silently behind as Jinki lead the way to the hayloft for a bit of privacy. They settled down in the soft hay, both a little apprehensive to speak.

“I am really sorry, hyung. I shouldn’t have said those things,” Taemin finally blurted out.

“I know you didn’t mean them. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I was being hurtful,” Taemin frowned.

“Because you were hurt. I understand,” Jinki responded.

“Thank you hyung, for understanding. I just feel really close with you and it is hard to think of you leaving. But I was being selfish, I know that. You have to do what is best for you,” Taemin said, showing maturity beyond his age. Perhaps Madame Kim had gotten to him first and softened the edges of his hurt.

“Thank you, Taemin. Please know it’s hard for me to leave here. You are like a brother to me. You are a part of my life, my family here at the palace and I will miss you dearly. And I don’t want you to feel ill will towards Miss Gwiboon either, tis not her fault. She— she wanted us to try. She wanted to fight for us. It was I who resisted, who pushed her into his arms. She is not at fault. She is doing what’s best for her, and I for me. Please understand that,” Jinki explained.

“You two love each other and you are just going to walk away? Do you really believe that is best?” Taemin asked, skepticism in his tone. 

“Yes. You are young, Taemin, you may not understand but Miss Gwiboon... she does not belong in this life. She was born of privilege and she deserves more than I could ever give her,” Jinki explained, his voice trailing off. 

“Perhaps you are right and I am too young to understand but… if you both desire to be together I see no reason why you cannot. You say you are doing what is best but you are both miserable. I’ve seen her, there is no love or happiness in her eyes when she is with Lord Jonghyun. Miss Gwiboon is pledging her life to a man she cares not for and you are giving up a life and a job you were once so passionate about in order to flee from your problems.”

Jinki sighed, “It probably seems that way, doesn’t it? I just… I love her. And I want her to have the best life, the life she deserves. Being with me would bring shame upon her and her whole family. Her family needs this marriage. How could her younger sister ever find a reputable marriage with this blemish to their name? Lord Jonghyun can provide her family with security and a name associated with status and power. Her and her whole family will be cared for in a manner they are accustomed to. She may feel that love is enough to deal with the consequences but… I do not share that confidence. She loves her family as I love mine, as you love yours and it would hurt her deeply to cause them such troubles and pain. I fear she will grow to resent me if I give into our childish whims. I know I shall be happy and satisfied for the rest of my days, but I am not sure she will feel the same in the future. I can think of no greater pain than the one I love to grow hateful and bitter towards me for the life she is forced to live,” Jinki explained, he felt disconnected from his emotions anymore. The words no longer hurt to think, to say. They were the truth. He had started to accept them as such.

Taemin was silent and pensive for a moment, processing Jinki’s words, “I guess I see what you mean but… you are still running away because of fear, are you not? Have you spoken to Miss Gwiboon about how you feel? She does not seem like the kind of woman who would be happy about you making decisions for her,” Taemin argued back, growing passionate in his disagreement with Jinki’s decision.

Jinki smiled sadly, “You are correct. I have not spoken to her of these fears for that very reason. She would disregard my words, too blinded to see into the future.”

“You can’t see in the future either, hyung. You are speculating. Maybe she does love you enough to withstand all the problems. You will never know if you don’t try.”

“Thank you Taemin, but I’m afraid my decision has been made,” Jinki’s words holding a sense of finality.

“I wish you would reconsider,” the younger grumbled.

“Taemin, even if I were to pursue Miss Gwiboon, we would have to leave the city, go far away where we are not known,” Jinki reminded him gently. 

“I know but… at least then you would be happy,” Taemin said. “You leaving wouldn’t be so bad if I knew you were happy.”

“I wish I could be as idealistic as you, my young friend. Now, I feel we have both said our piece. I do not wish to leave here with any unresolved anger between us,” Jinki said.

“Of course, hyung. I shall miss you terribly but I wish you well.”

“And I, you. We shall keep in touch, all right? Joon is a dear friend of mine. Please seek him out when he returns to the palace, he will relay any message you ask of him.”

“I will, hyung,” Taemin said.

“Good. Now! Let’s go enjoy a meal, I am starved,” Jinki said, his smile genuine for the first time in ages as he followed Taemin back down the ladder and towards the kitchens to enjoy one of his last meals with his palace family.

~~~

It was Jinki’s last day at the palace, the stable hands all enjoying a meal and pints of ale as a farewell celebration. Madame Kim had outdone herself as usual, the meal extravagant by commoner standards. The table was heavy with slabs of meat and baked goods Jinki had never even had the pleasure of tasting before. The moment was bittersweet at best. It was a kind gesture and he appreciated it but it was hard to leave. He had spent so many years of his life here, practically growing up under Madame Kim’s guidance. His life was here. He was excited to see his family again but he would miss his family that lived here in the capital as well. They spent the time laughing and celebrating, Jinki’s inevitable departure far from their minds as they all enjoyed one last night together. When he bid them all goodbye, a heartfelt embrace was shared with those he was closest with, Joonha, Madame Kim and Taemin. Madame Kim was a blubbering mess, wiping her eyes on her apron and pulling him into hug after hug. He savored each one.

Goodbyes were hard, but staying would be harder. 


	22. Chapter 22

Jinki arrived at his cottage late that evening, his saddle heavy with gifts and food for his trip. He had spent the past week readying his home for his departure; everything cleaned and packed away. He set his things down on the table along with the meager belongings he would bring home with him, simply waiting to be strapped to Sangchu at first light. He felt… odd. It was scary and liberating to not know what tomorrow would hold. His life in the capital was coming to an end and, as of tomorrow, he would be starting a new chapter. 

He was excited to see his family he had missed for so long, and to ultimately start over. He needed to take time to heal and move on and that is exactly what he planned to do. Regardless, he couldn’t deny the ache in his heart to know that he would never see Miss Gwiboon again. He wanted nothing more than to see her once again, to hold her, to taste her lips as a final goodbye. He knew it was better, for both of them, if he quietly disappeared. However, that knowledge didn’t help ease the pain and longing that plagued him.

He knew it would only inflict more pain but he couldn’t seem to help himself as he pulled the painting from behind his dresser, the painting that started it all. He carefully cleaned the accumulated dust from it and sat by the small fireplace, studying his own creation. His skills did not do her beauty justice but even his poor representation brought about a deep ache inside himself. He couldn’t pull his eyes away though. Even if it hurt, it was the closest he had been to her in weeks. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t stop himself from rolling the parchment and binding it closed with a string before laying it on top of his bags. He would be selfish in this, keeping this memento. A small consolation but it was one he would cling to. 

He was pulled from his downward spiral of thoughts by a sharp and insistent rap at the door. It was late, very late. It was far too late for callers and he had already visited with everyone he was close with to say his goodbyes. Everyone but one. His heart pounded in his chest, longing and dread and love so strong it ached inside him. He pulled the door open, his breath stopping inside his throat at his suspicious proven correct. 

Gwiboon didn’t wait for him to speak, pushing past him uninvited and spinning on her heel to stare him down, fire in her eyes. Jinki pressed the door closed and waited.

“How dare you?” She seethed. “Your plan was to just vanish without a word? Have you no heart? What did I do to deserve a fate such as this? To love a man as cold as you?” Angry tears rolled down her cheeks but her words were sharp as knives.

“Gwiboon,” Jinki breathed, everything inside himself at war. Even when he’d gone this far, he still wanted to embrace her, to hold her close and kiss away the pain. He longed to tell her what they both wanted to hear, to make promises of a future and a life together. He wanted to, but he knew that would only hurt them both more in the end. 

“How dare you,” she said again, more of a choked whisper this time as the tears came faster and Jinki was sure he very soul was dying at the sight before him. He reached a tentative hand out only to have it slapped away. She glared again as her hands balled into fists, punching at his chest in a fit of rage. He made no move to stop her, letting her expend all her anger against him. He deserved it. He deserved tenfold what she was able to do. She quickly tired herself out, balling his shirt in her fists and let her head rest against his chest as her tears escalated to sobs. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Jinki didn’t know how long they stood like that, embracing and sharing in their hurt; time seemed irrelevant. Eventually, the tears ran dry but he still held her close, enjoying what he knew would be his last few moments with the woman he loved more than himself. 

“Don’t go,” She whispered into his chest.

“You know that I must,” Jinki replied, his lips pressed against her hair.

“Then take me with you.” 

“Gwiboon…”

“It is my choice!” She pulled back, determination firm in her eyes but it only cut Jinki all the deeper. 

“I cannot give you the life you deserve. Think of your family, your sister. Think of the shame you would bring on those you love. To break your engagement to run away with a stable hand? I could never allow you to do such a thing,” he said.

“What choice do we have? I do not wish to part from you. I do not wish to marry a man I cannot love and who cannot love me. I do not wish for this life if you are not a part of it. Just… don’t leave me,” she said, her voice pleading. 

“Gwiboon, please don’t— I am doing what is best for you. Lord Jonghyun cares for you the best he can. It may not be passion but it is genuine. Find your happiness in taking care of your family and forget about me.”

“And what will you do?”

“Me? I shall go be with my family. I shall care for my mother as a son should. I shall take part in my sister's wedding and help care for the younger siblings.”

“What of your future? You will go watch those you love live their lives but what of yours? What of a wife, a family of your own?” 

Jinki smiled sadly, “I do not have room in my heart for such thoughts yet.”

“You horrible man, demanding of me to move on with my life and planning to live the life of a hermit yourself. You dare tell me to find my happiness when you plan to spend your days reveling in memories and pain,” she said.

“Gwiboon, please. Let us not fight.”

“You are a hypocrite, Lee Jinki,” she accused, daring him to argue.

“Aye, I am. You should stay far away from the likes of me. I will only bring your pain,” Jinki replied. He knew what he asked of her was unfair but there was no other path before them. 

“That I am well aware. Tis a shame I have no control over my own heart.”

Jinki smiled softly, “This a feeling we both know well I’m afraid. M’lady, it is late. You should get home before you are missed.”

She glanced up at him, apprehension in her eyes, “I have no plans of returning tonight.”

Jinki’s heart missed a beat at such a forward statement, “W-what?”

“I said I have no plans to return tonight. My uncle thinks I am staying at Lord Jonghyun’s manor to meet his family,” she said, bracing her shoulders like she was preparing for another argument. 

“Gwiboon we ca—“

“No. I am forced to marry a man who does not love me and will never touch me. You are planning to leave me and never return. Just for tonight, for once do not think with your mind but with your heart.” There was a quiver in her words but there was no hesitation.

“You know not what you are asking—”

“Do not deem me a fool,” she scoffed.

Jinki could feel his pitiful resolve crumbling. There was nothing he wanted more than to embrace her, embrace their love even if only for one night. It only made it more impossible to resist her when she was pressed so close to him, staring up at him with her innocent, watery eyes. The soft fire-lit space made her look ethereal, glowing even, it only made his desire for her grow. He longed to give her absolutely everything she desired. She tentatively slid her hand up his chest, dragging across his neck only to thread her fingers through his hair. Any further protest died at her touch.

His body seemed to act on its own accord, carried him the small distance until he had pulled her into his chest, lips pressing against hers in desire. The passion sparked through them like static. Jinki felt that impure desire welling up inside of him, pressing against his willpower, begging to be released. Rather than beating it back into the dregs of his mind, he let the thoughts stay, entertaining them as his hands began to roam a new path down her body. His lips trailing down the column of her neck as his fingers began tugging at the ties of her dress, his body getting desperate to feel her skin against his. She seemed to be faring no better, her fingers eagerly fumbling over the buttons on his shirt. The knot of her corseted dress finally coming undone, causing the fabric to sag and his pants grew more uncomfortable by the second as he gave into his desires, letting his lips drag further and further down, pushing the useless fabric out of his way to appreciate her fully. She shuddered, Jinki could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage but in nervousness or arousal he wasn’t quite sure. He felt the same, his body and mind overwhelmed with the new sensations and the high of giving into his desires so fully. It was intoxicating. 

He let his hands and lips enjoy the feast before him, slowly sinking to his knees before her as he continued to kiss down her flawless body, sliding the dress past her hips, his breath hitching as the pale blue fabric puddled on the floor by her feet. He held her eye as he pushed the last of her garments down with the dress. He sat back on his heels, letting his eyes rove over her naked flesh, enjoying the soft flicker of candlelight across her pale skin, casting shadows and dancing merrily. 

She shifted awkwardly, biting her lip in nervousness, her shoulders rolled forward as if she longed to curl into herself. He reached for her hand, planting a soft kiss to her palm before letting her cup his cheek, looking up into her eyes, “Gwiboon,” His voice low and husky, “You are beautiful.”

The tension in her shoulders seemed to relax and she guided him back to wind her arms around his neck. Jinki didn’t let their lips part as he guided her clumsily to the bed. His patience was wearing thinner by the second, the sight, the feeling of all her bare skin at his disposal was driving him crazy. To feel her against his chest, her heart beat against his fingertips. It felt so right. So pure despite how he was taking a soon to be married woman as his own. She was everything to him and if only for tonight, she was his to devour. His lips pressed against her ear, “Gwiboon, if I do anything that displeases you, if I hurt you in any way, you must tell me. I have never— I do not know— just _ tell me _.”

“And if you cause me pleasure?” She asked, her voice breathy and low and her cheeks were flushed.

“You definitely must tell me that as well,” He replied and dipped back down to claim her lips. 

~~~

Jinki barely slept that night, knowing it would be his last with his love made it hard to give up even a single precious moment with her. He allowed himself to indulge, letting go of his fears and concerns for the future and simply enjoy the moment. To share a bed with his love, even if only for one night, was a pleasure he had never even dare hope for and it was better than anything he could have imagined. To feel her soft skin pressed against him so intimately, to feel her breath, gentle and even against his bare chest was a feeling he never wanted to go without. He held her close, hands caressing her silky curls and her skin, now blemished with marks of their love. Time passed swiftly, as time always does when you wish for nothing more than the moment to stand still forever. The sun was sliding over the horizon, a soft glow peeking through the window. He could feel his emotions welling up once again, his heart pleading for him to stay right here, in his soft bed, warmed by the woman he loved. 

With heavy limbs and a heavier heart he worked his way out of her grasp, slipping from the bed and into the ice-cold room. Silently, he dressed himself in his warmest riding clothes, the tears starting to fall, pouring down his face and he had no energy to try to make them stop. With one last kiss pressed to her forehead, a final token of his love, he loading up his belongings and left his home, his life, his love. 


	23. Chapter 23

Three years passed. Three hot summers, three harvests and three long winters. It took three whole years but Jinki had found his happiness again. It had been bittersweet to be with his family again. He had longed for them for so long that it had been difficult at first to accept that the family he had left behind all those years before had changed and grown without him there; each of them becoming different people from those he remembered. Likewise, he realized that he was not the same Jinki they all remembered. 

After some time he settled back into life in their quiet village and was able to find work around the province using his experience and skill with horses. The prestige of working in the palace stables gave him opportunities he would otherwise have been passed over for and he found he could sustain a comfortable life even while living in such a small community. 

Jinki was thrilled to be able to take part in his sister’s wedding; sharing in such a joy with his family was more than he could have ever asked for. Likewise, when Sojin produced their first child, Jinki was there to help and partake in the joyous occasion. His youngest sister, Sojeong was still studying under the town healer and she was a bright and promising pupil. There would be a position for her anywhere she chose to go if she continued on her path.

His brother continued working the fields until the inevitable war broke out. No amount of pleading could make him stay. Thankfully, the border scuffles didn’t last but a few months and Jinhwan coming back to them a man as opposed to the boy who had left them, a slight limp that would forever serve as a reminder. 

It had taken a little time for Jinki to realize that his family was no longer dependent on his as he had once believed. Jinhwan was a hard worker and valued within their small community; he was able to care for their mother well. It helped ease his mind that Sojin was now married. Her husband was a good man and worked hard to care for his family as well as theirs. Even his baby sister was learning a trade and bringing in a small purse. 

It brought Jinki a sense of peace to know that they would be okay without him there, that Jinki himself didn’t have to pour all of himself into keeping the family afloat. It would still be hard to leave his loved ones, but now he knew it would be all right. Now he knew that he had others to share in the burden. He had enough room to breathe, to think about himself and what he wanted. And what he wanted was to see her again.

Despite the years, he wasn’t able to fully remove Gwiboon from his thoughts. He’d found happiness again but it was hollow. He felt like a shell of who he once was. He kept himself busy, trying to keep him mind away from thoughts of her but it was useless. He’d let her slip into his heart and she was there to stay. She was married now. Jinki just hoped that it was enough and that she was able to secure herself and her family. He hoped that she found some semblance of peace, of happiness, even if it wasn’t with himself. However, Jinki needed to see for himself. He needed to know. 

As the years passed, it grew harder and harder to stay. The village, quaint and familiar began to feel small and cramped. In the city, he’d been just one of many and had grown comfortable in that. While he enjoyed the respect he was given for his knowledge of horses, he missed his work at the stables and the challenges that came with it. He no longer belonged in the small village.

The concerns that had plagued Jinki’s life all seemed to evaporate. His siblings were grown and his mother was comfortable and happy. While they all welcomed him back with open arms, it wasn’t the same as when he’d left. His mother urged him to socialize, to meet the eligible women in town but it was obvious, his heart was still at the palace. After a few months of pushing, she simply gave up. It was a fruitless endeavor and anyone could see that. But after years of understanding, his mother simply grew impatient. 

“Would you just go back to the palace already?” She finally burst out one day. “It is clear you will never fully rest until this matter is settled. Go. See that she is happy and make peace with that or win the woman back! I honestly do not care which just… go,” she playfully swatted at him with the broom in her hand. 

“Mother,” Jinki frowned, “It is not that simple.” He’d told her the truth, the obvious complications. He couldn’t quite understand why his mother of all people would encourage him to woo a married noble.

“It is as simple or as complicated as you make it,” she replied. “You are a good man, you did the right thing letting her go. Your head knows it, but your heart never accepted it.”

Jinki sighed, he knew she was right. Despite everything, he’d never let go of hope. He wanted Gwiboon to be happy, to have moved on, but he also wanted her as his own. He’d wanted it so bad he’d fled. It was the only was he could ensure he didn’t give in but fleeing hadn’t change anything inside himself. 

“Go,” she said simply, turning back to her cleaning, closing off the conversation. 

Jinki thought on her words for another few days before he was packing his bags, needing little encouragement to surrender to the tug in his heart that had started the day he left.

~~~ 

As he rode up the dirt packed trail towards the stables, Jinki only had a moment of hesitation, unsure where he should go, when a voice interrupted his thoughts. 

“Oh gods! Is that really you?” Jinki looked up to find none other than Lee Taemin standing before him. 

Jinki smiled widely as fond memories flooded his mind, “Taemin! My lands, look at you!” The small boy was hardly a boy any longer. He was taller and his body had filled out into strong, lean muscle. His skin was darkened to a caramel shade by the sun and shone with sweat but his smile hadn’t changed one bit. He still looked as young and fresh as the day Jinki had first met him and he was a welcome sight after the days of travel Jinki had been through. 

“Hyung! It’s been so long! What brought you back to the palace?” Taemin held Sangchu steady while Jinki dismounted, barely letting the elder steady himself before Taemin was jumping into his arms in a hug. Jinki would do nothing but laugh, returning the sentiment. He’d missed the lad, missed his life here at the stables.

“I missed you too, Taemin,” Jinki murmured fondly, ruffling the younger man’s hair for old times sake.

“Joonha hyung is going to be so happy! He hasn’t been the same since you left. And Madame Kim!!! She’s going to go crazy!” Taemin began, excitement bleeding into his tone.

Jinki laughed, “I’d love to go see them.”

“Of course! Joonha hyung should be in the stable office. I’ll take care of Sangchu, okay? You go greet the old man,” Taemin offered. 

“Thanks, Taemin. Come find me when you’re done and we will go have lunch together, like old times. Give Madame Kim quite a fright too,” Jinki suggested, letting Taemin take Sangchu’s bridle.

“Hyung! Be nice to her! She’s getting on in years. Her heart can’t handle such a surprise!” Taemin said.

“I’m going to tell her you said that,” Jinki teased, knowing Madame Kim would have his head for insinuating she was old. 

“Don’t you dare!”

Jinki couldn’t seem to keep the happy smile off his face. He had missed this. Missed them. He had a family here. A life. While it had been great to go home and visit his mother and siblings, it no longer felt like home to him. It was funny, he had spent all his years at the palace pining over his home and family, only to discover upon returning that he home and his family was already at the palace. 

Not that he regretted going back to see his family. He had missed his mother terribly. He gave himself time to reacquaint himself with her face, the winkles and crows feet had never been a part of his memory. He also enjoyed time with his siblings, getting to know them as people and not just children. His sister had given birth to a fine baby boy and it warmed his heart to be able to enjoy such an event. He had missed so much over the years but he knew he could never get that time back but he could make the best of what was left. 

When he finally made the decision to come back to the palace, he did so knowing his family was healthy and happy. It was a burden he’d carried for many years and it was a relief to finally set it down. It allowed him to think about his own desires for once and he realized that he missed the palace and the people he had grown to love and care for. He missed having a steady job and doing work he was confident and proud of. And above all else, he still missed Gwiboon.

Jinki rounded the corner to the stables office and knocked politely on the door. 

“Come in.”

He pushed the door open, leaning against the door frame with a playful smile and waited for Joonha to look up and acknowledge him.

It didn’t take long for him to glance up, surprise morphing into happiness, “Jinki.”

“Hyung, it’s been a long time,” Jinki greeted, taking in the man before him, the graying hair and the new age lines did nothing to take away from his handsome face.

“That it has. You look well,” Joonha stood up, pulling Jinki into a warm hug. The elder had never been much for physical affection so Jinki knew he’d been missed.

“I have been,” Jinki agreed.

“Good to hear. What brings you back to the city, Jinki?”

Jinki shrugged with a small smile, “I just missed it. Home wasn’t really home anymore, you know?”

Joonha nodded in understanding, “Is that the only reason?” His eyebrows rose in an unspoken question.

Jinki smiled but it was useless to protest. “Perhaps not.”

Joonha laughed in response. “Why did you wait so long then?” Jinki’s chin dropped to his chest rather bashfully. He’d struggled with his decision for so long, it was still hard for him to accept that he was back at the palace. “I think it would be good for you to see Lady Gwiboon again. You might be surprised what changes have transpired while you’ve been away,” Joonha continued, a knowing smile on his lips. Jinki knew better than to question him further.

“Hyung! Let’s go!” Jinki heard Taemin call out, excitement clear in his voice.

“Taemin must be thrilled you are back,” Joonha said, “He really looks up to you.”

“He’s a good kid,” Jinki responded, his voice softened whenever Taemin was brought up.

“He reminds me a lot of you when you were younger.”

“I was never as energetic as he!” Jinki protested with a laugh.

“No, but he favors you a lot. He is a good lad and growing into a find stable hand, just like you were at his age,” Joonha responded.

“He is in good hands with you,” Jinki told him, meaning each word. Joonha had been a fine teacher when Jinki had been but a lad, he knew Taemin had benefited as much as himself now that he had someone like Joonha to look up to. 

“Are you coming back to work at the stables, Jinki? You position is available if you so desire,” Joonha told him.

“Thank you, hyung. I haven’t made my decision yet,” Jinki smiled. 

“I understand. Go see where you stand with that woman of yours first,” Joonha smirked, a rare bit of teasing slipping through his usually serious personality. 

“Hyung!”

“What? Is that  _ not _ what you meant?”

“Well… you didn’t have to say it so plainly,” Jinki protested. 

“Alright, alright. Taemin is waiting for you,” Joonha laughed softly, waving him out the door and sitting back at his desk. 

“Thank you, hyung. For everything.” Jinki came out to find a rather impatient Taemin, tapping the toe of his boots in agitation while he waited. 

“Hyung let’s go! I’m starving and Madame Kim is going to be preparing a feast when she finds out you are back!”

“Ah now I see why you are so excited,” Jinki teased.

“Of course! Did you think I was only excited about you?” Taemin responded. 

“You brat, come here!” Jinki playfully swatted his arm, the younger easily dodging it. He finally caught Taemin, only to throw his arm around the younger’s neck, “you’re too tall now, this used to be more comfortable,” Jinki whined. Taemin only laughed in response. “You know I missed you right? You are like a little brother to me,” Jinki said.

“I know, hyung. I missed you too. The palace wasn’t the same without you. Have you been to see your lady yet?” Taemin asked, a knowing smile pulling at his lips.

Jinki sighed, “She’s not “my lady”,” He responded. “She’s a married woman!” 

Taemin chuckled, “That she is but that doesn’t change my question.” 

“Taemin!” Jinki said, blushing. He hadn’t expected such words to come for Taemin, still thinking of him as a child rather than the man that stood before him. “What of you? And maidens in your life?” Jinki tried desperately the deflect the conversation. 

It was Taemin’s turn to blush. “I… never you mind!” 

“Oh… so there is someone,” Jinki said, smiling to himself. 

“Let's go see Madame Kim!” Taemin said, ducking from under Jinki’s arm and running the rest of the way up the hill to the servants entrance.

“Lee Taemin!” Jinki called after him but the younger kept going.

By the time Jinki was able to catch up with Taemin they were already at the entrance to the kitchens, Madame Kim’s voice clear over the clatter of pots and pans.

Taemin pushed open the door, standing in the doorway to block Jinki from view, “Madame Kim!” He called loudly, distracting her for the maid she was in the middle of scolding, “I have a surprise for you!”

“Lee Taemin you little scoundrel, I am bu--” Taemin stepped out of the way, her eyes catching ahold of Jinki and her words trailed off. “Jinki. My sweet Jinki.”

Jinki’s smile only widened at her reaction, closing the distance to enclose the stout woman in a warm hug. She still smelled of fresh baked bread and the apples she had obviously been slicing all morning and it smelled like home to Jinki. She squeezed him impossibly tight, obviously letting her emotions getting the best of her.

She pulled back slightly, looking up at him with watery eyes, “Come here darling, let me look at you.”

“Madame Kim, are you crying?” Taemin asked a sly, excited smile on his lips.

“Of course not, how dare you boy,” She shot back.

Jinki laughed, pulling her in for another quick hug, “I missed you, Madame Kim.”

“Goodness child you haven’t changed a bit! You look mighty well,” She said, taking a step back to look him up and down. 

“I am. My mama has taken good care of me,” Jinki assured her. 

“Of course she has. She’s a good woman, she is. You look happy now. Much better than when you left,” she nodded to herself. 

“I am,” Jinki promised.

“Have you seen the wench of a woman who ran you off yet?” She asked, leveling him with her stare. 

“Madame Kim!” Jinki gasped, scandalized that she would say such a thing.

“What?”

“You can’t just--”

“I can and I did! Have you seen her?”

“No. I have not. And she did not run me off, gods above, how can you say such a thing?”

“I see you are as polite as ever. Good boy.”

“Madame Kim!”

“What? Alright, alright, I’ll stop. Let’s get some food into you! You’ve had a long trip,” she quickly ushered him over to a table, setting him down and barking orders to one of the passing kitchen hands to fix him a plate. Taemin slid into the seat beside him, smiling happily. Once they were both situated with plates piled high with lamb and vegetables, a large plate of bread between them and the best pickings of fall fruit from around the kitchen Madame Kim sat down, idly munching on some bread as she fawned over Jinki, petting his hair and filling him in on everything he had missed in the past few years. He was in for a long afternoon.

~~~

When Jinki finally left the kitchens, his belt was unpleasantly tight and his heart was light with happiness. Madame Kim was like a second mother to him and it was difficult to be away from her for so long. It seemed odd, to miss Madame Kim, his mother figure at the palace, while he was away because he was with his real mother. Apparently his heart would never be satisfied until he had both women in the same room. He knew they would get along well and they both cared deeply for him and he for them. 

The problem now was that there was only one other person he wanted to see. He knew his heart would never be settled unless he saw her again. He slowly made his way back to the stables, wandering until he found where Taemin had placed his Sangchu. Of course, the boy had given Sangchu his old stall, treating the horse like he had never even left. Jinki smiled fondly to see that his horse had been brushed to a glossy sheen and had been loaded up with oats and fresh hay. 

Jinki steeled his shoulders, gathering up all his courage to make the last visit. “Come on boy, let’s go,” he whispered to his horse, leading the animal out of the stall to get him tacked and ready to go. It was time for him to confront the woman he was still in love with. It was time for him to finally find peace.


	24. Chapter 24

Jinki had never even seen Lord Jonghyun’s manor before. Never in his life having any need or reason to go. The fields and pastures were lush as the hard packed trail wound through them, leading towards a great stone manor the bustled with people and activity and was surrounded by carefully manicured greenery. It was intimidating to say the least. 

He roused up the last of his courage, he’d already come this far after all, and headed to the stables to drop off his horse. Before he quite realized it, he found himself at the front door, a rather confused looking maid escorting him into the sitting room to wait for Lord Jonghyun. He felt so out of place here; the walls were adorned with fine tapestries and each piece of furniture looked far too expensive and delicate to actually sit upon. He stood awkwardly, praying his boots hadn’t tracked any mud on the beautiful carpet when he was startled by Lord Jonghyun clearing his throat rather obviously. He looked up to see that dreaded smirk directed right at him.

“Lee Jinki. My, my… it has been quite some time, has it not?” Jonghyun asked, leaning casually against the door frame looking completely at ease. 

“Lord Jonghyun,” Jinki said, his head dipped in a polite bow but his heart seemed to tightening in his chest. Knowing their marriage was a ruse didn’t ease any of the pain of knowing the woman he was still desperately in love with was married to the man before him. The years hadn’t affected the lord, he was still as handsome and confident as he always had.

“Whatever do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” Jonghyun asked.

What could he even say? Why was he here? What did he hope would come of this meeting? His lack of response only made Lord Jonghyun laugh.

“Ay, I will not torture you so. You are here to see my wife I take it?” Jonghyun asked, no hint of jealousy or annoyance. “Let us talk first,” he said, gesturing for Jinki to take a seat. Jinki followed suit. Jonghyun poured them both a glass of brandy before sitting down across from him. He hadn’t really thought about how this would happen, what he would say. He’d been so focused on seeing Gwiboon again that everything else felt inconsequential. “Jinki… it has been three years. Three very long years. I am delighted to see that you have returned to the city but only of this isn’t merely a visit,” Jonghyun said, the glass twirling in his hand. The playfulness was gone from his eyes as he pinned Jinki was a hard stare. 

“I… I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” Jinki said.

“Gwiboon and I have been honestly with each other since before we wed. She is a dear friend to me and it pains me to see her unhappy. And she has been unhappy these past 3 years. When you left… Gwiboon did not handle it well. She’s come back into herself since and I don’t want to risk her health by seeing you again only for you to vanish. So why are you here? What is it you want?”

“I... “ Jinki paused. What could he even say? He had no defense. He’d left, he’d left for 3 years. “I knew it was best for me to leave, it was the right thing, the only thing. But I’ve regretted my decision every single second of every single day since,” he met Jonghyun’s eyes, his words raw with honesty. 

“So does that mean you are here to stay?” Jonghyun asked.

“I am here to do whatever Gwiboon would wish of me. If she never wants to see me again, I shall leave. If she wishes me to stay, I shall stay,” Jinki answered. What else could be promise?

Jonghyun studied him for a long moment before he picked up a bell on the end table and gave it a single sharp pull and a maid materialized in the room, “Go fetch Lady Kim. We have a visitor.” He ordered.

The maid scampered off, leaving the two men alone, “I’m glad you returned, Jinki. I only wish you had done it sooner,” Jonghyun said, taking a long drink of his brandy. 

Jinki puzzled over his words but his stomach was tied up in knots at the thought of seeing Gwiboon once again that he couldn’t give Jonghyun’s words much thought.

“Jonghyun darling, you called?” Gwiboon’s voice rang out from the next room. Jinki’s breath hitched in his throat, every nerve in his body stiffening at the sound of her voice. “Jonghyun! I was talki--” her words cut off at the sight of Jinki, “_oh.” _

Jinki felt frozen, like he was stuck in this moment that lasted for eternity. The years had been good to Gwiboon. She had filled out, her figure no longer so thin and fragile looking but full of curves that were only accentuated by the tight, low cut dress that was, no doubt, the latest fashion. 

“My dear, I said we have a guest,” Jonghyun said, his smile gentle and knowing. He watched the two of them, studying their reactions and movements as if their reunion was his entertainment for the evening.

“Jinki,” she breathed out, the shock clear on her face. She froze where she stood her eyes never leaving his.

“M’lady, I apologize for coming unannounced. It was rude of me,” Jinki said softly, drinking in the sight of her. His memories paled in comparison to the reality. Gwiboon had a way of filling up a room, her presence was overpowering and Jinki was drowning in it. His heart pounded painfully, all those unresolved feelings he’d pushed aside came rushing back. It didn’t matter how long he’d been away, it didn’t matter what had happened over the past three years. His heart still only beat for her and for the first time in those three years he felt fully alive again.

Gwiboon seemed to hesitate, glancing over at Jonghyun. “What are you doing here, Jinki?” 

Jinki sighed, aching to embrace her, to reassure her, to comfort her. “I have done my best to stay away but I… I had to know if you are doing well. I’ll leave--.” 

Gwiboon’s face hardened and she cut in before he could finish. “I see nothing has changed. You will continue to try to make decisions on my behalf, for my own good? At what point will you ask me what I want? At what point will you allow me to make decisions for myself? I am a grown woman, Jinki.” She turned to Jonghyun, “Can you believe the audacity? He shows up to our home uninvited and unannounced only to offer the same pointless arguments he made three years ago.” 

Jonghyun smiled, “Shall I have him escorted out, my dear? Flogged in the square? Exiled for daring to abandon his love once again?” 

Gwiboon rolled her eyes, a smile threatened to break through at the corners of her mouth.

Jinki’s didn’t know how to interpret their interaction. There was an easy, comfortable relationship between them that stabbed deep in Jinki’s chest. He’d always hoped she’d find comfort and happiness within her marriage but he’d never realized how deeply it would wound him to see her happy with another. “I-- you are right, m’lady. I made the decision for us both and,” his lips quirked into a smile, “I wouldn’t dare speak for m’lady, but I have suffered greatly for that decision.”

“So… what are you offering?” She asked, a challenge in her tone.

“I am merely here because I couldn’t keep myself away any longer,” Jinki answered. “I will do whatever you ask of me.” 

“If I tell you to leave and never return?” She asked.

“Then with great difficulty, I shall,” Jinki promised.

“And if I tell you to never again do something as stupid as to leave my side?”

Jinki’s heart jumped in his chest, “Then, m’lady, I shall stay.”

Rather than responding, Gwiboon took a few hesitant steps towards him before throwing her arms around his neck, clinging to him . Jinki pulled her tight. Despite the years, she felt right in his arms, like she belonged there and he wanted the moment to last forever.

Jinki relaxed a bit, a small smile pulling at his lips. As he indulged himself, his arms holding her close. “I’m so sorry,” He whispered against her cheek. 

“Lee Jinki. I don’t think I shall ever forgive you,” the words muffled against his neck.

“As you shouldn’t, but I shall work everyday to make up for it,” he answered. 

“Idiot,” She muttered.

“Jinki,” Jonghyun called, his expression remaining amused despite the position they were in, “I assume you will be staying for dinner?”

Jinki looked down at Gwiboon for confirmation. “Of course! Sir Minho is coming as well,” She said, pulling back to look up at Jinki but refusing to release her hold on him.

Jinki looked between the two of them, stunned. His ears by be deceiving him because this simple couldn’t be real. Her words suggesting an idea he had never even let himself dream. If Sir Minho was still a part of their lives… 

“Our stablemaster is getting on in age, perhaps we can discuss a position for Jinki,” Jonghyun said. 

“Our stablemaster is barely 40 years of age,” Gwiboon laughed. 

“Yes, decrepit. He must start training his replacement immediately,” Jonghyun smiled.

“I-- is that what you wish?” Jinki asked, looking between Gwiboon and Jonghyun. He had imagined this reunion so many times during their time apart but even in his wildest fantasies he’d never imagined an outcome such as this. 

“Jinki, Gwiboon is my wife but more than that, she’s my best friend. She has given me more than I deserve and far more than I ever dreamed of hoping for. She has given me a family and freedom. She has protected me and accepted me and for that I am forever grateful. I wish her nothing but happiness and the same freedom she has granted me. So please, stay for dinner,” Jonghyun explained, his words were honest and pure and it made Jinki feel just a tad guilty for hating the man for so long.

“I feel I am dreaming,” Jinki whispered, his lips pressing gently against her temple.

“Ay,” She responded.

“M’lady, would you like to go for a ride with me?” Jinki asked. Everything he never dared hope for was coming true. All he wanted was to recreate their years lost, to pick up where they left off and start over with less fear and more trust.

“Yes! Yes she would,” Jonghyun interjected quickly.

“Oh hush, you!” She snapped at him but the smile didn’t leave her face. 

“What? Have I spoken wrong? You have been pining for far too long to say no to the man now! Besides, your mother has been writing near daily asking when we are to have another. Please, _ please _ go for a ride together. I do not want to have to lie to our parents and tell them you are barren,” Jonghyun said, his smile sly as he shot a pointed look at Jinki.

“Kim Jonghyun!” Gwiboon scolded, only to be met with his rather raucous laughter in return. 

Jinki’s cheeks turned the most vivid shade of red, beyond embarrassed at what Lord Jonghyun was so casually suggesting before he gasped in surprise, “What do you mean, another?”

“Ay, another,” Jonghyun responded and the smile on his face widened.

“Jonghyun, would you go get Jinwoon,” Gwiboon requested, her dark eyes never looking away from Jinki.

“Jinwoon,” Jinki breathed. Gwiboon had a son. A child. So much had changed, so much had happened in his absence. He’d agonized over every possible outcome during their time apart but he’d never allowed himself to consider such a turn of events. 

“He looks just like you,” She whispered, a gentle, happy smile upon her face.

“You mean--”

“Are you daft?” She laughed. “Did you forget my husband’s preferences? Did you forget our last night together?” 

“I--” Jinki stuttered rather stupidly, his brain having trouble processing. Suddenly, it was like a dam broke and his emotions flooded his system, all the years of longing, of hurt were coming to an end and on top of that, this new joy of finding out he had a child with the woman he held so dearly. It was too much all at once. Jinki grabbed her roughly, crushing her to his chest, lips starved for hers after all these years. She gasped at the suddenness of his attack before giggling against his lips, her fingers getting lost in his hair as she kissed him back with all the passion she could muster.

“I have a son?” Jinki whispered, the smile on his face only growing wider with each passing second. Gwiboon nodded, her own smile just as bright. “I have a son!” Jinki all but yelled, picking her up by the waist, swinging her in a circle before crushing her to his chest once again. 

Her laughter was like music to his ears. “You will scare the maids with your yelling,” she teased. 

“I-- I never thought…” Jinki couldn’t even put into words his feelings at such news. He’s suffered for so long, worrying over Gwiboon’s livelihood and happiness and keeping himself away for her own good. If only he’d known just how happy they could be.

“I’m so glad you came back,” she said. 

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to return to you. I desperately wished you would find happiness and still selfishly held onto the hope that you desired me, waited for me,” he told her. “If I had known that such a future was possible for us, I never would have left.” The only thing he desired more than having her as his own, was her happiness and security. In his naive mind, he had never considered a possibility where they could have all of those things and more.

Gwiboon smiled fondly at him, “Why is it, every time we meet you are apologizing for something?”

Jinki let out a low chuckle, “tis a habit I suppose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an epilogue for this but it is not written yet so it will not be posted for awhile  
But until then, thank you for reading!  
I wrote this story a very long time ago and despite all it's flaws, it will always hold a special place in my heart  
so i hope you all enjoyed it as well


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